Is he an arsehole? Or am I being a fool?

[imabarbiegirl]

We have had a on/off thing for a while but it's off now.
I wanted a relationship and he wanted to sleep with anything with a pulse,he didn't care what they looked like,if they were married etc.
He would even flirt with men if they showed him attention.
He told me he wanted no ties etc
This is what wound me up..
He said "Louise" (his daughter ) told me I need to knock this on the head and finally settle down and stop being so wild.
So I responded "yes Louise is very sensible for her age,you are wild and you deffo need to settle down"(him knowing I had wanted that for so long )
He replied "so I'm now going on a date next week"
I said "a date ? We are in lockdown,I thought you didn't date?"
He said a socially distanced walk in the park and he wasn't even looking forward to it..I asked why he was going and he said Louise has spoken.
A week later we were texting and he said he was getting ready to go out,I asked him was it his date and he didn't reply.
1 min later he writes on Facebook
"Off for my date,me being me we will be checking in at New York tomorrow,can't wait"
Then on this "date" posting pics on Snapchat of him and this woman (it's a woman he told me had been after him for a year and he didn't fancy her and she was annoying)
After the date he said "I didn't like her,not to worry two more dates next week,don't be jealous tho"
I didn't reply
Is he a arsehole for rubbing it in my face like this?

Oh god you poor bugger. There is no humiliation worse than being stuck on a nasty bastard who derives strength and satisfaction from our pain and distress.

Look. I'm not going to berate or sneer. Exhortations to pick your self respect up off the floor don't help, I know (as if your own internal monologue doesn't give you enough of a hard time.) Although of course what everyone has said about him not being good enough for you is true.

But he isn't going to suddenly morph into a man that meets your needs and treats you with care and respect. He'll get worse, if anything. And you're already feeling wretched. Yes, he's an absolute arse hole. But you already know that.

Next step is finding ways to detach from him. You need to get away from this person who is damaging you. You are not his emotional punching bag. Get on a mission - spring clean the house, redecorate a room, commit to a run or some form of exercise every day. Practice switching your phone off for a couple of hours in the evening and use the time to relax with a really good box set. Just start getting away from him and finding your way back to you.

You're not a fool, but get him gone!

"sorry can't talk just getting ready to go on a socially distanced/zoom date"

Send this

At least wind him up a bit.

Then ignore him.

In answer to your original post "is he an arsehole?".......no he sounds like a prince among men

He sounds terrible. Not sure how you let this become on again after the first off.

@chippyPickledEggs

Really good advice here which I'm trying so hard to do as well.

Don't give him the satisfaction of playing you along.
Ditch him already.

I mean this in the nicest possible way but you need to work on yourself before you date again. Your chronic lack of self worth kept you with this guy, when it was clear he was never going to be the person you wanted him to be.

Tip: if he’s an arsehole in the beginning, he’s gonna be an arsehole in the end. Men like him can smell poor self esteem a mile away.

I hope you used condoms with him. If not get tested. Stop being desperate, block and delete him.

If he has narcissistic traits then he will be in contact with u again since u have blocked him. I just hope ur not a fool and go back

@AgentJohnson

I mean this in the nicest possible way but you need to work on yourself before you date again. Your chronic lack of self worth kept you with this guy, when it was clear he was never going to be the person you wanted him to be.

Tip: if he’s an arsehole in the beginning, he’s gonna be an arsehole in the end. Men like him can smell poor self esteem a mile away.

This.

No love, you’re far too good for him. I know blocking is hard but think of it as a gift to yourself. He’s enjoying doing this to you, and that’s a far bigger problem than you can deal with

Oh my goodness! He’s writing, ‘don’t be jealous’ it sounds as if he wants you to be exactly that. I think he is enjoying feeling superior to the women he is dating ( and being very rude about) and enjoying thinking of you at home feeling jealous about his wonderful self. I think the previous poster who said he will give you a call when he’s got no one else to go out with / feed his ego is right, as are all the others who say, block him!
It’s not easy, but definitely give him up in your mind and replace thoughts of him with anything else - cooking/ gardening / calls to mates. Work at this, also read co dependent no more by Melanie beattie. He is stringing you along and it won’t change - until he DOES find someone and then you will in all probability be totally forgotten about, but by then you will have spent far too long feeling crap, when you really don’t need to. Do stuff that makes you happy!

It honestly baffles me why he keeps telling about his "dates"
He knows how I feel and I've told him many times you make me feel not good enough.
Posting things on Facebook and Snapchat and enjoying me being upset.
I've never been anything nice to him.
I did nothing for him to want to hurt me

No you weren't good enough for him, you were too good.

He enjoys having women pining for him, you need to see you have issues, since you accept being treated this way. You seriously need to get some boundaries, not to get into these situations again. I'm sure other posters can advice on a programme or therapy. But please do something to not end up with those kind of partners/people.

He enjoys the ego boost it gives him knowing you and his dates are interested in him, he likes to think he's gods gift to women and to rub it in your face in.
Change your mindset, men like that are really unappealing, if a man can't show you kindness, love and attention and only to you then he is not good enough.

Stop talking to him, stop looking at his social media, brick wall him out your mind, then you'll find he'll come running back for your attention! But don't give him the time of day.

@imabarbiegirl

It honestly baffles me why he keeps telling about his "dates" He knows how I feel and I've told him many times you make me feel not good enough. Posting things on Facebook and Snapchat and enjoying me being upset. I've never been anything nice to him. I did nothing for him to want to hurt me

You need to stop giving him the platform to do so. Disengage and remove yourself from this dynamic. You are good, you deserve a shit-tonne better and things will get better for you when you start to believe that.

It honestly baffles me why you are still in touch with this bloke. Whatever it is you want from him (acknowledgement, love, an apology) he is never going to give it to you.

You are tying yourself to him. Stop it.

Do you think it could be narcissism ?
He loves the ego boost.

A more interesting question would be what are you getting from this.

I'm sorry OP but your post made me cringe. You are being a total doormat and making yourself look desperate and needy following this guy around while he dates others and keeps you dangling. He is stringing you along because it massages his ego to know he could have you at the click of his fingers if he wanted you, and it amuses him to see how far he can push you and you still keep hanging on. He has no respect for you and you don't seem to have much respect for yourself - I truly don't mean that to sound mean, it's just how it all reads.

The best thing you could do is block him and never see or speak to him again, and remind yourself that you are worth far more than being treated like the dirt on somebody's shoe. Find your dignity and move on.

You have to stop thinking he's looking for someone 'good enough' for him, and you haven't passed some kind of 'good enough' test. He won't know good enough if it bit him on the arse! A woman could be a mix of Angelina Jolie/Mother Theresa/a porn star/a millionaire and treat him like a god and he'd still act like they're not 'good enough'! Because he is lacking something. Not you. HIM!. His brain isn't wired for one good enough, it's wired for many shiny new woman to boast his fragile, damaged ego.

Stop taken on the issues of other people's broken personalities and presuming it's something/anything to do with you. Thats low self esteem tricking you. He was broken before you, he was broken with you and he'll be broken after you.

That's actually a good way to think about.
I think once I stop thinking I'm not "good enough" maybe when il start feeling better
In reality he hasn't shown himself to be "good enough" for me has he.

Stop being the fall back girl. Read Mr Unavailable and the fall back girl.

You are worth so much more than this. When people tell you to love yourself, what it means is don't allow someone to treat you less than you would treat someone else.

This guy is not normal ! He’s taking pleasure hurting you , he’s got a screw loose . There are nasty people out there and you’ve met one . He isn’t happy , he’s a car crash , he keeps going on dates to distract himself from his own broken personality . Be strong op , this one is not for you x

Yes he’s an arsehole and yes you’re a fool for expecting anything from him. Seriously can’t you see that you’re worth far more than this man op? He doesn’t deserve to have you hanging around waiting for him.