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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is he an arsehole? Or am I being a fool?

150 replies

imabarbiegirl · 21/01/2021 10:08

We have had a on/off thing for a while but it's off now.
I wanted a relationship and he wanted to sleep with anything with a pulse,he didn't care what they looked like,if they were married etc.
He would even flirt with men if they showed him attention.
He told me he wanted no ties etc
This is what wound me up..
He said "Louise" (his daughter ) told me I need to knock this on the head and finally settle down and stop being so wild.
So I responded "yes Louise is very sensible for her age,you are wild and you deffo need to settle down"(him knowing I had wanted that for so long )
He replied "so I'm now going on a date next week"
I said "a date ? We are in lockdown,I thought you didn't date?"
He said a socially distanced walk in the park and he wasn't even looking forward to it..I asked why he was going and he said Louise has spoken.
A week later we were texting and he said he was getting ready to go out,I asked him was it his date and he didn't reply.
1 min later he writes on Facebook
"Off for my date,me being me we will be checking in at New York tomorrow,can't wait"
Then on this "date" posting pics on Snapchat of him and this woman (it's a woman he told me had been after him for a year and he didn't fancy her and she was annoying)
After the date he said "I didn't like her,not to worry two more dates next week,don't be jealous tho"
I didn't reply
Is he a arsehole for rubbing it in my face like this?

OP posts:
updownroundandround · 21/01/2021 13:55

@ imabarbiegirl

I wanted a relationship and he wanted to sleep with anything with a pulse,he didn't care what they looked like,if they were married etc.
He would even flirt with men if they showed him attention.
He told me he wanted no ties etc

I'm assuming this post is a wind up tbh. Hmm

No-one (in their right mind), would want to touch a guy like this with someone elses 10 foot pole, never mind their own !!

If there was a new 'poster boy' for Chlamydia and STD's HE would be it FFS, LOL.

ktp100 · 21/01/2021 14:13

Sorry to sounds harsh but you're also an arsehole - to yourself!!!

Who the fuck puts up with shit like this?!

Why get involved with such a blatant fuckboy and why expect their to be a different outcome than this clear shitshow?!!

No woman in the entire World needs a twat like him.

ktp100 · 21/01/2021 14:14

Sorry, reading back that does sound harsh, BUT I MEAN IT!!

You can do a million times better for yourself, OP!!

Luckingfovely · 21/01/2021 14:16

If this is real - once you have blocked him and moved on - which you must do today - please do some hard work on yourself and your self esteem.

This is so extreme it does sound like a wind-up or the plot of a very bad novel.

He's not good enough for you. You deserve better. Never, ever, ever, ever let him near you again.

Sorehandsandfeet · 21/01/2021 14:25

Oh god, you need to find your self respect, you are allowing this scumbag to treat you like shit. I worry that you even have to ask about this! He is enjoying toying with you.

Original poster
imabarbiegirl · 21/01/2021 14:58

I think for so long I wondered if this behaviour was normal.
I felt like I wasn't good enough that's why he needed these other women.
I think I am good enough.

OP posts:
icelollycraving · 21/01/2021 15:26

You aren’t good enough. You are more than good enough in fact far too good for this bullshit.

User2921 · 21/01/2021 15:58

He has some issues with his self esteem and needs the constant validation of women (and men) giving him attention to feel ok about himself.
Theres nothing wrong with you, it's just that your attention on it's own is not enough to fulfil his need. If its any consolation, no one else's will be either.
He will flirt and cheat his way through any relationship he has, and the person he is with will always be uneasy, because he will make sure they know how much other attention he (allegedly) receives. They will be miserable and wonder why they're not enough.
Unless he's very young, he won't change. You might be the most amazing woman that ever lived, it would make no difference.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 21/01/2021 16:10

Why would he want to settle down? He's had children, he's enjoying himself being single.

He's been very honest all along with you. The question is why you've stuck around.

Original poster
imabarbiegirl · 21/01/2021 16:12

@Donann I think he has some narcissistic traits yes

OP posts:
TreacleHart · 21/01/2021 16:14

Block him. And get some self respect for yourself. He sees you as a pair of old slippers, can be shrugged on and off when it suits.
You are worth so much more than that.

Onedimension · 21/01/2021 16:14

Do you keep posting about the same bloke over and over? Knock it on the head and stop analysing it.

Original poster
imabarbiegirl · 21/01/2021 16:55

Like I say I've been a bit of a mug

OP posts:
Wanderlusto · 21/01/2021 17:15

The aim of the narcissist is to make you feel small. It was never that you were not good enough. It was that you didn't know he was a predator that feeds on womens misery. No one will ever be good enough. Some time down the road he may even claim you were the one that got away in order too make some other woman feel not enough. It's all puppetmastery.

You are well rid. Work on how to spot narcissists early in future. And in rebuilding your self esteem.

bluecheesefan · 21/01/2021 17:25

Of course you are good enough.

But he is nowhere near good enough for you.

Eviebeans · 21/01/2021 17:35

If you'll settle for less you'll get less

mistletoeandsigh · 21/01/2021 18:39

You will look back on all this and wonder what the hell you were thinking. Honestly.

Mermaidwaves · 21/01/2021 19:08

OP I'm ashamed to say that I was in this situation last year, seeing a guy who wanted 'no strings' and was blatantly chasing other women because we weren't a couple. I adored him and tolerated it! Angry I hate myself for it now and inevitably he has now settled down with the girl he dropped me for.

Please, please stop contact and move on OP, these men love toying with us knowing how we feel about them. Its cruel and we need to love ourselves first. I will never, ever stay involved with a man who doesn't want me, we deserve much better.

Original poster
imabarbiegirl · 21/01/2021 20:00

@Mermaidwaves it's horrible isn't it
I kept thinking the more time we spent together he would change but he didn't.
He enjoyed flaunting these women
Then said to me he didn't want to meet up with me again but would tell me about dates with women
It's been horrible

OP posts:
Original poster
imabarbiegirl · 21/01/2021 20:00

@mistletoeandsigh my friend has said this time next year I will look back and feel nothing

OP posts:
Mermaidwaves · 21/01/2021 20:48

@imabarbiegirl
Yes its the worst feeling and like you I was convinced the more we saw each other it must mean that he liked me back or would grow to over time. Mine still messaged me for a while even though he had this new girlfriend. It's broken me and I'm still not over him yet but I tell myself every day that I deserve better and to have a man care about me back, and so do you Flowers

billy1966 · 21/01/2021 20:54

@ktp100

Harsh...perhaps.

On the money....definitely.

OP, you deserve moreFlowers

BadNomad · 21/01/2021 20:59

Your friend is right. As soon as you're able to detach you'll be horrified when you realise what type of person you were crying over. Don't be surprised if he tries to get you back. It will not be because he cares for you. It'll be because HE has lost control of one of HIS subjects.

Zerrin13 · 21/01/2021 23:09

Move on

MaeveDidIt · 21/01/2021 23:17

OMG why would you let anybody put you through so much shite!!
Block the arsehole and don't ever look back.

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