Is he an arsehole? Or am I being a fool?

[imabarbiegirl]

We have had a on/off thing for a while but it's off now.
I wanted a relationship and he wanted to sleep with anything with a pulse,he didn't care what they looked like,if they were married etc.
He would even flirt with men if they showed him attention.
He told me he wanted no ties etc
This is what wound me up..
He said "Louise" (his daughter ) told me I need to knock this on the head and finally settle down and stop being so wild.
So I responded "yes Louise is very sensible for her age,you are wild and you deffo need to settle down"(him knowing I had wanted that for so long )
He replied "so I'm now going on a date next week"
I said "a date ? We are in lockdown,I thought you didn't date?"
He said a socially distanced walk in the park and he wasn't even looking forward to it..I asked why he was going and he said Louise has spoken.
A week later we were texting and he said he was getting ready to go out,I asked him was it his date and he didn't reply.
1 min later he writes on Facebook
"Off for my date,me being me we will be checking in at New York tomorrow,can't wait"
Then on this "date" posting pics on Snapchat of him and this woman (it's a woman he told me had been after him for a year and he didn't fancy her and she was annoying)
After the date he said "I didn't like her,not to worry two more dates next week,don't be jealous tho"
I didn't reply
Is he a arsehole for rubbing it in my face like this?

He sounds vile, block

You shouldn’t even care whether he’s narcissistic or not, it’s irrelevant now. He’s not for you. Stop trying to work him out, it won’t help you. You need to stay single until you work out why your standards are so low and raise them.

Have you posted about this before?

If it is who I think it is posting FFS block this lodged up cunt from your life already and work on your self esteem before going near any men again.

They can see you coming a mile away.

He's blocked and I've stopped contact.
I think I made his ego even bigger by constantly chasing

🍾🎉 well done @imabarbiegirl now keep him blocked. You do deserve better.

Move on! He is not interested in you. And, I’m incredulous here even asking, what do you see in him? He sounds utterly ghastly.

I’m so pleased you’ve blocked him! Keep strong, there’s nothing good there for you.

I'm keeping him blocked this time.
My last message to him was saying he had really hurt me and he didn't care who he hurts.
He didn't reply.

Good on you op.

It's amazing how these creeps can get ppl all twisted up in their game.

But if you can step back from them and really look, you see that they are vile, cold nasty people that don't deserve a second of time in our hearts or heads.

You're better him.
Hell, pondscum is better than him.

He is so cold and heartless.
It is honestly like he has no emotions.
The only thing that helps is he told me there has been many women like me who wanted more and he told them he didn't want more.
He said we never listen and try and change him blah blah
He fails to mention all the head fuckery

@imabarbiegirl

He is so cold and heartless. It is honestly like he has no emotions. The only thing that helps is he told me there has been many women like me who wanted more and he told them he didn't want more. He said we never listen and try and change him blah blah He fails to mention all the head fuckery

Yeah somehow me thinks there aren't "many other women"

This guy is a deadbeat and he'll never have anyone.

@TJ17

Not necessarily. I've known a few men who have short lived relationships with bright, otherwise pretty switched on women yet behave like total arseholes.

I know one girl who is a nurse (bright funny etc ) was "seeing " him and wanted a relationship but he didn't.
He told me she messaged him one day asking what he was up too...he sent her a pic in bed with a woman.
He said she never messaged him again

@imabarbiegirl

I know one girl who is a nurse (bright funny etc ) was "seeing " him and wanted a relationship but he didn't. He told me she messaged him one day asking what he was up too...he sent her a pic in bed with a woman. He said she never messaged him again

Great. And you have blundered on with him why!

@Wheresmykimchi he said "well she asked what I was doing" almost like he thought he was doing the right thing.
My only reason was I thought it was different with me.

[quote imabarbiegirl]@Wheresmykimchi he said "well she asked what I was doing" almost like he thought he was doing the right thing.
My only reason was I thought it was different with me.[/quote]
Don't they all.

There's a certain kind of relationship dynamic that men like this create that can cause even usually perfectly sensible women to lose their footing.

Sure, some personality types are more susceptible to sticking around and getting hooked than others (anxiously attached women with a poor sense of self etc) but that's not always the case.

At the end of the day these men are emotional abusers. And as is the case with any kind of abuse, it can happen to anyone and isn't always easy to extricate yourself from.

@ChippyPickledEggs why do you think these men do it?
For the ego boost ?
I wonder if they realise they are hurting people
Or if they just don't care

I don't know imabarbiegirl. I think trying to understand why is a bit of a blind alley really. Because they don't have the self awareness to understand or tell you themselves. But it's a personality type/relationship dynamic I recognise (as I think do many other posters.) Ultimately I would say it was about power and control.

But at the end of the day all that matters is that engaging in this dynamic is making you feel wretched. And so a way must be found to disengage and recover.

[quote imabarbiegirl]@ChippyPickledEggs why do you think these men do it?
For the ego boost ?
I wonder if they realise they are hurting people
Or if they just don't care[/quote]
You want us to tell you he cares deep down. You have to let go of this.

No because I know he care at all.
People who care don't treat people so poorly

@imabarbiegirl

No because I know he care at all. People who care don't treat people so poorly

Right. So let it go.

He does it because he likes having women chasing after him and seeing how far he can push them, how much he can degrade them and humiliate them.

Because he's a shitbird that gets off on it.

Stop wondering about his motivations and tearing yourself apart over it, and start looking at your own part in it and why your self-esteem is so low that you kept on pursuing things with him despite all the disrespect and him being cruel to you. You need to rebuild your self-worth and work on your boundaries so you never tolerate this kind of crap again.

Have high standards and expectations of potential dates and partners, and have low tolerance for bullshit and poor behaviour.

He probably has mummy issues , and likes punishing women and treating them like dirt . Freud would have a field day with him no doubt . He isn’t sexy or amazing he’s messed up , that shouldn’t be attractive. He will end up old and alone , karma is a bitch like that . Surround yourself with good people , not guys like this . Even if he settled with you - how could you relax , he’d be cheating with anything with a pulse and then rubbing it in your face , std city . Gross !

@category12 it's strange because at first he was really interested.
Wanting to meet,messaging constantly and then he pulled back and started messaging others.
It was almost like he got bored and needed new shiny women.