Differing parenting approach, 2.5 year old

[Pleaseaddcaffine]

I'm a bit concerned as a few people have said in rl that this isn't okay. I personally don't agree with dp approach but that didn't means it's nessisarily wrong.
I wfh start at just before 6 and finish 4.30 Mon to Wed and then 6am till 10. 30am Thursday Friday.
Ds goes to childminder at 9.30 Monday to Wed. Thursday Friday dp has him untill I take over at half ten. Dp works all Weekend.
We split it like this due to childcare costs.

The issue is dp won't get up with ds. Ds wakes at between 6.30 and 7.30. He takes ds into bed with him and put TV on for him and tried to nap. I'm already up and working. He won't get up before 9 despite having to leave at 9.25 to take ds to childminder. Ds has no drink or food from waking at 7 or a nappy change.
He then rushes about to feed ds, dress him and leave.

I don't think ds should not have a drink snack or. Clean nappy after 12 hours of sleep for several hours after waking up.
Is that normal? Dp says I'm being ridiculous and gets cross if I bring a drink or snack in for ds as he's trying to sleep.

Oh this is not normal and makes me feel sad for your little one, you are right that he needs to be clean and fed as a minimum when he wakes up (within reason). Waiting 2 hours to do this is not reasonable.

He is neglectful to the point I wouldn’t feel happy leaving him in sole care of our child. Pretty much every small child is up by 7am and therefore so are their parents. It’s part of having kids. A lot of people cope with 5am starts for years on end. Leaving a child hungry and in a soiled nappy until 9am is sickening. He’s lazy and selfish and an awful father.

Thanks. If I'm home working, more at the moment due to covid but still in office someday, I tend to gets ds up and dressed and fed as I fuss about it. I can do it all he time as I have meetings and deadlines.
I'm not sure what else I can do about it, I say I'm unhappy. But if he gets up he makes a sofa nest and still won't dress or feed him till after 9 as he's tierd.

Your partner sounds very lazy.

I don't think what he's doing can be described as a "parenting approach".

I would be having words.

Is moving your lo's bedtime later an option so he sleeps later? If he could sleep until at least 8 there's a compromise. Mine would sleep until 8/9 at that age as they went to pm preschool

Our son (4.5) loves a lie in with us and always has done - when he gets up at 7 he's straight in bed with us with a book or his tablet. At weekends it isn't unusual for us all to be in bed together til about 9.30 or so.

However the difference is he does get food - we have bed snacks :), if he wants actual breakfast we always get up to make it for him, and I always changed his nappy when he was wearing them.

Ds is a 5am starter in the summer sadly! He doesn't sleep well tbh.
Thanks I agree.
I do whatever I can when I'm home. Even if working, as I don't like it. Tbf if ds has pood he will change the nappy with complaining but not if just wet.
On my days ds is up changed and fed by 7.30 or 8am and has toys although sometimes TV too,

He gets up regardless of time he goes to bed. Sadly he is a light sleeper anwe have just got him sleeping through the night properly.

@ChimaeraEgg

Seems like ours, I had Cheerios (they ate them dry) available but actually they never wanted anything earlier than 9 anyway. Unfortunately the time they came in was usually 3/4 am

What time does your partner finish work the night before? If he works late shifts then I think you both need to change the routine.

If he's just a lazy arse then he needs a massive kick up the bum.

He's self employed. He finishes when he chooses but often says he can't sleep and stays up watching films till after midnight.
He works 7 days a week as his choice to do so.

If he was working nights or late shifts say as a delivery driver till 10pm or 11pm then I get it shouldn't be fair on him at all.

This isn't a parenting approach this is a lazy bastard approach. It is wrong to leave him in his night time nappy for longer than necessary and also not to feed him or give him a drink.

It is unbelievably selfish. I think resentment would set in fast for me if my partner behaved like this.

I'm sorry op but that's awful. Sometimes we cuddle ds in bed for 5-10 mins but then we crack straight on with the morning routine & the first steps are a bum change and going downstairs for breakfast. 2 hours is just unacceptable.

It sounds like DP needs to grow the hell up. Many people prefer a lie in but suck it up while they have a small child dependent on them.

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

When does this person ever have any time for you and his son?. You and he are not at the top, nor I daresay even very high up on, his priority list at all here because he alone is. I would also think this person does very little in terms of housework leaving it to you instead.

That's not a patenting style. That is being lazy and not understanding a child's basic needs. I would feel uncomfortable leaving him alone with child for more than and hour.

I hate getting up in the morning, I really struggle to come round but I'd never leave my child in a dirty nappy or without food for that long after waking up! With kids you just have to get up and do it!

If my partner wants me to get up earlier and be in sole charge of little one as he's going out he brings me coffee and wafts it Infront of my nose.

Could you do similar? Or put coffee machine in bedroom or thermos of coffee made night before?

When I first read this I thought it was awful as it reads that way - then I realised that on a weekend my kids (7,5 &4) are allowed their tablets from 7am until I get up around 8.30. They don't eat anything till I get up but don't have nappies anymore.

I suppose my question is is your son happy with this in the mornings? Because at that age mine would have been climbing all over me begging to go play/for food. If he is, could you maybe compromise by asking him to change the nappy when he first wakes up just so he doesn't get sore?

I don't know as he's little if he sees me he cries and begs to go downstairs to paly with toys etc. So I think it's a learned behaviour not to with dad.
If he changed him and gave him some. Fruit and a drink or somthibg like that in bed having a cuddle then that's fine but I worry 2.5hours is a lot for such a little boy.
If he was 5 or so I'd worry less as not in nappies etc.
He also naps better in pm if he's been up and about and doing things

If your DH is in bed with DS can you leave water and a snack on the bedside table the night before. Then DH doesn't have to go get it.

I've offered that the snack/drinks and he doesn't want a mess in the bed.

Who does not want a mess in the bed?. (And I daresay if there was mess this man would do nothing to clear that up either).

What is the point of your partner OP?.

That's pretty appalling. Leaving him in a wet nappy and not getting food for a hungry child is neglect not a parenting style. The reason your DS comes to you and not Daddy is because he knows he will be ignored.

2.5 hours is a long time to leave a child in a wet nappy and without a drink or food in the morning. To be honest I think it tips over into neglectful.

I think you need to have a conversation with your ‘D’P when DS isn’t around and tell him that this is completely unacceptable.

As your DS gets older he won’t be able to rush out the door in 25 minutes it can take that long to get dressed some mornings! and he certainly won’t be able to leave it 2+ hours before breakfast without crying etc. It’s also a poor example to set to lie in bed until the last minute.

If it were me I’d be opening the curtains and turning the light on at 8 every day, and if he gets cross I’d tell him to grow up and parent his child.