I fancy the plumber. HELP!

[PawPatrol24]

Recently single 26 year old Mumma here.
This particular plumber has come over twice the past 2/3 months to help with various things around my rented place.

He is is absolutely stunning. In his 30's. Three children. Not with the mother, but no idea of any girlfriend. Lovely to my very chatty, curious 3yo (obviously having seen her when fixing up the place).

I am sure there is a little chemistry but I'm not sure if I'm projecting. Something in the way he mentioned me being a full-time Mum, the smile on his face as he left and mentioning he's not with the mother.

He's said he'd keep me updated with various bits that need doing. Everyone says to see if he followed through with this but I can't eat or sleep properly. I feel like a 16 year old girl again!
I don't wanna step on no ones toes, but I also don't want to waste an opportunity.

Advice?!

Telling someone that you have children but you’re not with the mum is not assumed as a come on! What?? It’s banal conversation, a statement of facts.

Well, we don't know the context - if OP started the subject of single parenthood, then I agree he may have just mentioned it in response.

But if he actually initiated this - then no it's not a usual banal chat, I've never heard a plumber mention his personal life at all, especially what can be interpreted that he's sharing about being single! Why would they? They are working, and even the chattier ones may chat about the more general, not personal stuff. Especially it this was his forst visit.
As many said, tradesmen who work for a company would be too careful to be upfront or to ask a client out. But if they fancy someone and the client shows interest like the OP, they would drop hints, and first of all the fact they are not married.

But absolutely see OP's point that she'd leave it to the universe and if it's not meant to be it, then fine, no more efforts from her.
A man wouldn't think twice about another text , probably quick and apologetic / jokey, just to be sure - in my experience many did that, and I was never horrified at their low standards or desperation , but I totally get it that women are not on the same page, and are worried about looking undiginified. It's a personal choice but yeah I get it that the sexes will never be quite equal when it comes to chasing. And that's fine, I suppose.

OP, you rock. I wish he had replied but good on you for trying and then resisting calls to stalk him

Good on you op!
I’m sorry you didn’t get the reply though. Fingers crossed you find someone even better soon!

“ if a man is interested he will ask you, no matter how “shy” or “building up the courage” people want to come out with, if he is interested he would do it”

Women convince themselves this is true but it’s actually bollocks

@overnightangel if they like you enough they will . I’ve been out with shy men and they do . I was surprised that they can hardly speak up in most situations but muster the courage to let you know how they feel. I agree sometimes they take a bit longer than a confident person but I haven’t witnessed their shyness preventing them getting their feelings known eventually.

Well in this instance I think it’s becoming clear as he’s not responding, he didn’t say he wasn’t with the mum as a come on, but in relation to the ops situation and in general conversation. He also didn’t say he was single.

There’s a fair chance that if he has a partner thr ops message flashed up on his phone and she saw it. 😂

Weird thread. OP was single and met a man she was attracted to. He commented he wasn’t with his children’s mother, and didn’t add he had a new partner. It could or could not be a “signal.” As a mature adult OP, politely asks to spend some time with him. He doesn’t respond. OP is disappointed, but like a sensible adult drops it there. Unremarkable and very normal.

Now posters are commenting that she shouldn’t have asked at all. . Why? It’s not 1950. Now she knows. She has a life to lead, she can’t sit around like teenager wondering if he is just shy or not interested.

Wow, this must be a record for the longest thread where nothing happens!

I think people are just chatting generally now about asking men out , shy people etc. It’s useful for op in terms of whether she makes the same move next time & for other people The op can shut down the thread if it’s annoying or not useful

Haven't read the thread, only updates...

I pretty much ignore texts. It's only ever the bank or smear test reminders. Anyone personal messages via WhatsApp ( for me) now.
So, it may not be that he is wilfully ignoring it?

@overnightangel

“ if a man is interested he will ask you, no matter how “shy” or “building up the courage” people want to come out with, if he is interested he would do it”

Women convince themselves this is true but it’s actually bollocks

I think that making excuses and justifications like "oh he's intimidated by you!", "Youre just too beautiful for him!", "he knows he's not good enough for you" are utter bollocks.

Usually to make someone feel better about being rejected

@PawPatrol24. Good on yer for giving this a go. You win some, you lose some. I personally agree with you, he could have sent a nice brush off message. He could have said he was washing his hair, already in a relationship, whatevs, which would have given you some kind of closure on it. Unless peeps are online dating, then traditionally the menz have had to risk this from asking people out, so it's not often I feel sorry for them, but this gives some insight. I think if you casually ask someone if they fancy a coffee sometime (outside of covid times) there's not much risked. Please don't be put off doing it again, just because of this one. Maybe he's used to the dating game where sometimes he's just been blanked in the same situation, and now considers it ok. I'm old, but I don't think you should leave people wondering. Just needs a short message which stops the doubt. But don't hang on for it, just live your life, and shrug your shoulders, and feel a bit braver for getting outside of your comfort zone

Women convince themselves this is true but it’s actually bollocks

Well it’s true in this case as he obviously didn’t like the op in that way hence why he didn’t reply 😬

@UntamedWisteria

@overnightangel

“ if a man is interested he will ask you, no matter how “shy” or “building up the courage” people want to come out with, if he is interested he would do it”

Women convince themselves this is true but it’s actually bollocks

But...... he didn’t reply did he? So clearly he isn’t interested. Or are you saying the plumber is actually completely in love with the OP and he isn’t replying out of shyness? Lol

What an odd comment to make.

@Empressofthemundane it's nothing to do with a woman asking a man, it's to do with her being a customer, not knowing if he's single and txting him at nearly 11.00 at night! Thinking about it if it was a work phone it could actually get him in trouble as his boss may think he's leading women on while he's actually meant to be working, there's a lot of things wrong with what she's done, and none of it is about a woman taking the lead.

I have a work phone. The work I do doesn't involve paying customers. Let's call them clients. Mainly I only get messages from colleagues on it but I could get messages from clients if I had contacted them previously. In the unlikely event I got a proposition or was asked for a date, I think I would either ignore it or report it to my line manager. I wouldn't be concerned with hurting their feelings - not that I'm I sensitive or uncaring, just that it would be unprofessional to enter into a discussion about it.

In the unlikely event I got a proposition or was asked for a date, I think I would either ignore it or report it to my line manager.

I agree.
Whether he is in to OP or not I wouldn’t reply because I wouldn’t want to lose my job.

Most people if they’re not into you will reply and let you know so by having no text back I think it is because it’s his work phone.

”if a man is interested he will ask you, no matter how “shy” or “building up the courage” people want to come out with, if he is interested he would do it”

Women convince themselves this is true but it’s actually bollocks

Yeah, but that’s fine too because who actually wants to be in a relationship with someone that was too shy to ask you out?
Even if in that scenario, he’s then brave enough to say yes and go out on a date, it’ll always be you doing the leg work. People don’t really change (and it’s not your job to try).

I’d say the Opwas brave if she saw him in a bar and sent a drink across. However in this instance the plumber has been in the Op’s house and knows she’s on her own with the kids.I’m sure he’s flattered but frankly he knows she has nothing to lose ( I won’t say desperate) and that’s not tempting is it?
If she had left it he may have come back for the other jobs and he may of asked her out.

The time she text him made it look even more desperate

@Givemeabreak88

The time she text him made it look even more desperate

That’s harsh, I don’t think she looks desperate at all. How rude.

I agree the late night text isn’t a good idea, it looks like a drunk/booty call text, but that was more poor judgement, it doesn’t make her look desperate.

Some women really take issue with a woman asking a man out. I simply can’t understand why.

And as for mentioning he was not with the mother, that was clearly in relation to a convo they were having, and in relation to her own situation as a single parent. He likely didn’t mention a partner becayse he didn’t deem it her business, relevant to the conversation or have any idea she was thinking he fancied her.

I don't think op looked desperate at all, she weren't asking for a Netflix and chill,she asked him for tea/coffee sometime and even mentioned her 3 year old, if anything he might not of took it as a 'date' it seemed a friendly and relaxed text, not flirty.

Nah of course the OP didn’t look desperate, that’s really quite unkind. People are being ridiculous about this and reading all kinds of stuff into this when the simplest explanation is the most obvious:

She asked him out, - nothing wrong with that, he wasn’t interested, nothing wrong with that. Le fin.

This is really not the huge big deal people are making it! OP took a chance- good for her! And it didn’t work out.

It doesn’t mean he is rocking back and forth in a darkened room hitting himself with birch sticks because he’s just too shy and annoyed with himself to respond. Equally, it doesn’t make the OP some kind of desperate raging nympho who would shag the first dude who glances in her direction.

Good grief!

I agree @Russellbrandshair. And there's something incredibly sexist about it isn't there? The menz have to invite out the laydeez, not the other way round.... Last time I looked at a calendar, it was 2021, not the 19th century....

Anyone can ask anyone out but with romance you tend to get treated better if you stick to the traditional man does the chasing in my opinion and experience. Otherwise you’ll probably end up driving the relationship continually - organising the dates and texting to meet him , he’ll think - well she likes to take the lead so I’ll let her . Then you end up always wondering if they like you . I’m on another thread where a woman has texted asking for a second date and she’s having all these worries and doubts about how he feels about her because she’s doing all the work now , texting to sort things , driving over to his , he again hasn’t asked her for a third date as it will no doubt be expected she asks and arranged. She is in a head spin not knowing if he really likes her enough.
I’m all for women’s equality but if you want to feel desired and not worry constantly about his feelings - leave the initial chasing to the guy.