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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I fancy the plumber. HELP!

557 replies

PawPatrol24 · 19/01/2021 22:06

Recently single 26 year old Mumma here.
This particular plumber has come over twice the past 2/3 months to help with various things around my rented place.

He is is absolutely stunning. In his 30's. Three children. Not with the mother, but no idea of any girlfriend. Lovely to my very chatty, curious 3yo (obviously having seen her when fixing up the place).

I am sure there is a little chemistry but I'm not sure if I'm projecting. Something in the way he mentioned me being a full-time Mum, the smile on his face as he left and mentioning he's not with the mother.

He's said he'd keep me updated with various bits that need doing. Everyone says to see if he followed through with this but I can't eat or sleep properly. I feel like a 16 year old girl again!
I don't wanna step on no ones toes, but I also don't want to waste an opportunity.

Advice?!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 22/01/2021 10:22

Also because the op thinks he’s stunning doesn’t mean most other women would. I’ve lost count of the number of female friends who have turned up with partners who they think is good looking and everyone else is scratching their heads.

One is now settled into a serious relationship with a relatively new guy, think a year, she thinks he is beyond gorgeous. I simply can’t see it, he’s not my type at all.

Also the amount of women who think if their partners flirt with some younger woman the woman would be up for it, when in reality the younger woman thinks she’s looking at some skeevy old bloke who looks like a knuckle dragging troll.

Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder.

bluebell34567 · 22/01/2021 10:32

i wouldnt deal with a plumber. they go to many houses, many things can go on.
this man just wants you to run after him. he gives clues while just leaving that he is single and playing with your dc. he knows how to play women. he just wants a shag here and there.
i bet he has many women after him.
he has 3 kids already and not with the mother. not very reliable.
also, if something happens and fails between you it will be very hard-awkward next time he has to come.

Robbybobtail · 22/01/2021 10:39

Have you ever seen “adventures of a plumbers mate?” OP? Grin

My plumber is a right flirt - but I don’t kid myself that it’s only me he flirts with. Sorry, not rtft but I would proceed with caution!

Bearnecessity · 22/01/2021 10:43

Just snide and nasty then too cold.....nice....

CurlsandCurves · 22/01/2021 10:49

@bluebell34567

i wouldnt deal with a plumber. they go to many houses, many things can go on. this man just wants you to run after him. he gives clues while just leaving that he is single and playing with your dc. he knows how to play women. he just wants a shag here and there. i bet he has many women after him. he has 3 kids already and not with the mother. not very reliable. also, if something happens and fails between you it will be very hard-awkward next time he has to come.
So are you saying my plumber husband, who ‘goes into many houses, many things can go on’ is probably a cheat?

Bit of a mahoosive generalisation of an entire group of tradespeople!

littleloopylou · 22/01/2021 10:51

Well done taking a chance, OP Flowers

Bluntness100 · 22/01/2021 10:52

@bluebell34567

i wouldnt deal with a plumber. they go to many houses, many things can go on. this man just wants you to run after him. he gives clues while just leaving that he is single and playing with your dc. he knows how to play women. he just wants a shag here and there. i bet he has many women after him. he has 3 kids already and not with the mother. not very reliable. also, if something happens and fails between you it will be very hard-awkward next time he has to come.
lol, what an imagination you’ve got 😃
bluebell34567 · 22/01/2021 10:54

sorry CurlsandCurves i shouldnt generalize. but it is valid for many i think.

WhingingGiraffe · 22/01/2021 10:55

@bluebell34567

i wouldnt deal with a plumber. they go to many houses, many things can go on. this man just wants you to run after him. he gives clues while just leaving that he is single and playing with your dc. he knows how to play women. he just wants a shag here and there. i bet he has many women after him. he has 3 kids already and not with the mother. not very reliable. also, if something happens and fails between you it will be very hard-awkward next time he has to come.
Did you enjoy writing that?
Wheresthesilverlining · 22/01/2021 11:02

@PawPatrol24 Well done you for giving it a go. I wish I had that confidence. Stick to it girl there are plenty of other men out there and they will find your confidence sexy. To be honest he's not on your level if he didn't reply he could of just took it light heartedly and said he has a gf or thanks but not looking for anything atm. Keep going girl x

gannett · 22/01/2021 11:03

Good on OP for shooting her shot, nothing wrong with that and she took the silence in stride.

I might have thought failing to reply was a bit rude of him - except it's the same as a good-looking woman in any other public-facing role (bar, coffee shop etc) getting hit on by her customers, isn't it?

Emotional labour - being pleasant, smiling etc - is part of those jobs* and we all know a lot of men interpret that as "she must fancy me". I imagine it's similar for a self-employed plumber who wants to build a strong customer relationship.

Not saying OP shouldn't have gone for it but as the employer she holds more of the cards and it's more complicated for him to navigate the power dynamic.

(*I should add that I don't really think baristas or Pret employees etc should be obliged to smile at me - the only service I want is efficient, couldn't care less whether my sandwich comes with surliness or a smile)

seensome · 22/01/2021 11:06

I don't why some pp seem to think he's a serial philanderer, he didn't even reply.

the90swerebetter · 22/01/2021 11:21

Oh you're single. Get him fucked. Find out later

Hmm Nice. Hope someone applies same advice to your DP.

Bluntness100 · 22/01/2021 11:23

@seensome

I don't why some pp seem to think he's a serial philanderer, he didn't even reply.
I know. It’s batshit

I’m wondering if a woman has three kids with her partner, they split up, if the same posters would be saying she is not very reliable.

Or if she went to a single parents house to do her job and commented that she too was a single parent and it was hard, that would mean she was a shagger and knows how to play men

The batshitery of it. 😂

Gwenhwyfar · 22/01/2021 11:27

"I disagree. If I had come over all creepy, I would have understood. But I didn't. All I did was ask the man if he wanted to meet up for a coffee or tea.
I think if a man messages a woman it's courteous for her to reply too."

Courteous but not compulsory I'd say. If my electrician asked me out, I'd be very embarrassed and would feel that I'd been placed in an awkward situation unnecessarily. I wouldn't feel obliged to reply and explain myself.

I think it's good that you asked him, but if he's not interested then pretending you never asked could be the least awkward way around it for both of you.

seensome · 22/01/2021 11:28

@Bluntness100 it is batshitery 😂

Original poster
PawPatrol24 · 22/01/2021 11:46

@Gwenhwyfar

"I disagree. If I had come over all creepy, I would have understood. But I didn't. All I did was ask the man if he wanted to meet up for a coffee or tea. I think if a man messages a woman it's courteous for her to reply too."

Courteous but not compulsory I'd say. If my electrician asked me out, I'd be very embarrassed and would feel that I'd been placed in an awkward situation unnecessarily. I wouldn't feel obliged to reply and explain myself.

I think it's good that you asked him, but if he's not interested then pretending you never asked could be the least awkward way around it for both of you.

Yeah, I don't want to make it awkward for him, if it is indeed him that has to come back to the property to do some of the work that needs doing to it. That's not really fair. I did say before that I'd just let him in and get on with it. Not to penalise, but because I know I could have unintentionally made him uncomfortable. That's if it's him they send out as I don't know if it's his business or whether he works for someone else.

To everyone else:
I also don't think it's fair to label someone as a cheater when they have given 0 evidence that they could be.

For those of you who say I shouldn't have text. Well...maybe I shouldn't have. But it took a lot of guts to send that text, guts I wouldn't have had to ask in person. As I said before, I wasn't creepy or at least I like to think I wasn't. You never know unless you try, right?

OP posts:
Mistlewoeandwhine · 22/01/2021 11:48

Op, I applaud you. I’ve asked out all my significant others (and I’m short and fat). 👍👌 You did well kid. Onwards and upwards.

Gwenhwyfar · 22/01/2021 11:54

"For those of you who say I shouldn't have text. Well...maybe I shouldn't have. But it took a lot of guts to send that text, guts I wouldn't have had to ask in person. As I said before, I wasn't creepy or at least I like to think I wasn't. You never know unless you try, right?"

Completely. I don't blame you for asking, just that I also don't blame him for not answering and sometimes the best thing to do is just pretend it never happened.

welshsoph · 22/01/2021 11:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AcornAutumn · 22/01/2021 11:58

OP "I think it's nice to offer someone a "no thank you", but maybe that's just because I'm a people pleaser and I don't like upsetting anyone or making anyone feel bad? "

He might have been annoyed at being approached and feel he's lost business because he might not want to work at your place again, and I wouldn't blame him.

Ori2021 · 22/01/2021 12:00

@welshsoph

.........so did the only appropriate thing and sent him a Valentine’s card in the internal post

Ha ha - good on you!!!

AcornAutumn · 22/01/2021 12:05

I don't use WhatsApp for a number of reasons, one is that it all seems very intrusive.

But if it shows someone as being "online" does that just mean their phone is connected to the Internet?

Givemeabreak88 · 22/01/2021 12:08

No it means they are actually on the app. Not just that there phone is on they need to physically be on the app to show online as depending on the persons settings it shows you when they go offline as well or if they’ve taken that off it just won’t show anything. But yes you do have to be on the app to show it as online.

AcornAutumn · 22/01/2021 12:10

@Givemeabreak88

No it means they are actually on the app. Not just that there phone is on they need to physically be on the app to show online as depending on the persons settings it shows you when they go offline as well or if they’ve taken that off it just won’t show anything. But yes you do have to be on the app to show it as online.
Thanks Give So it shows they're on the app and chatting to people?