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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I fancy the plumber. HELP!

557 replies

PawPatrol24 · 19/01/2021 22:06

Recently single 26 year old Mumma here.
This particular plumber has come over twice the past 2/3 months to help with various things around my rented place.

He is is absolutely stunning. In his 30's. Three children. Not with the mother, but no idea of any girlfriend. Lovely to my very chatty, curious 3yo (obviously having seen her when fixing up the place).

I am sure there is a little chemistry but I'm not sure if I'm projecting. Something in the way he mentioned me being a full-time Mum, the smile on his face as he left and mentioning he's not with the mother.

He's said he'd keep me updated with various bits that need doing. Everyone says to see if he followed through with this but I can't eat or sleep properly. I feel like a 16 year old girl again!
I don't wanna step on no ones toes, but I also don't want to waste an opportunity.

Advice?!

OP posts:
Happyone8 · 22/01/2021 12:35

I never text guys first or make the first move just purely because the rejection bit of it not getting reciprocated is crappy !
Also, I’m old fashioned but believe guys do like the chase and not to be chased , hence the advice if your partner is wanting space the worst thing to do is chase them and best to go no contact . We can feminise all we want and I am big into women kick ass and do what we want but have never witnessed among friends, family or forums asking guys out and being the forward one work successfully. There might be the odd example of course but speaking in general , no.
I know it’s not the 1950s etc but I do believe if I guy likes you they will find a way to ask you out . I’ve been out with probably the shyest person I ever met and he managed to tell me he liked me .
It is difficult if he’s a tradesman because asking you out ( if you’re not interested) could jeopardise his job potentially if you complain . However, I would have probably just asked more questions on his next visit to see if he was free and then given signals I was interested then.
Nothing is lost from sending the text , I just can imagine the feeling of waiting and feeling a bit disappointed. It’s brave to do it but I think it’s kinder to yourself not to initiate asking out next time

toocold54 · 22/01/2021 12:40

Just snide and nasty then too cold.....nice....

@Bearnecessity

WTF are you talking about?
I’ve not said anything nasty to the OP or anyone else.
I think you’ve got me confused with a PP.

Givemeabreak88 · 22/01/2021 12:43

Happyone8

I absolutely agree with you, if a man is interested he will ask you, no matter how “shy” or “building up the courage” people want to come out with, if he is interested he would do it, I think the fact that he didn’t speak volumes. And generally if a man is single even if he isn’t interested he is far more likely to take up the offer of a woman asking him out so he can get a shag, can’t say the same for women can we. It’s fine if a woman wants to make the first move but really If he liked the op he would have done it.

sadie9 · 22/01/2021 12:45

You could always text back and say 'God, sorry Plumber, please ignore my last message, it was meant for a work colleague of mine!!'

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 22/01/2021 12:45

@Bluntness100

Also because the op thinks he’s stunning doesn’t mean most other women would. I’ve lost count of the number of female friends who have turned up with partners who they think is good looking and everyone else is scratching their heads.

One is now settled into a serious relationship with a relatively new guy, think a year, she thinks he is beyond gorgeous. I simply can’t see it, he’s not my type at all.

Also the amount of women who think if their partners flirt with some younger woman the woman would be up for it, when in reality the younger woman thinks she’s looking at some skeevy old bloke who looks like a knuckle dragging troll.

Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder.

I agree. Ive had girlfriends gushing about their " absolutely gorgeous hot" new man and I've met him and thought..........oh.

Obviously, I'd never say anything because it would be hurtful but yeah, beauty is DEFINITELY in the eye of the beholder.

Equally, Ive met met who weren't classically good looking at all but OMG the sexual magnetism they give off is palpable

toocold54 · 22/01/2021 12:48

It’s fine if a woman wants to make the first move but really If he liked the op he would have done it.

I agree in most cases but surely he could be sacked if he asked OP out so he may have been treading carefully. He may have wanted to wait a few days and ‘bump’ into her rather than texting a clients private number which is really unprofessional.

Boltonb · 22/01/2021 12:53

I think it’s good that you’re not getting egged on by all the posters, OP. You sent a text, and now are going to leave it, despite anyone telling you to do differently.

I personally think that texting so late at night made it seem like you were looking for a shag. Which is fine, but maybe he’s not, and it put him off. Texting in the day wouldn’t be open to interpretation, so would be better in my opinion.

I’ll also get flamed, but I think that if your child has known a partner of yours from age 1-3 (you said you’d been in a relationship for 2 years, and recently single) and you’ve recently broken up, I’d be a bit careful about pursuing a new man too soon.

Givemeabreak88 · 22/01/2021 12:56

Well in that case best left as a fantasy if they don’t ask I think, my sisters very beautiful and gets asked out often by work men/delivery guys, so some of them obviously think it’s worth the risk, she was even asked out once by a guy from the hospital pharmacy she went to who actually found her address and posted a note through her door (now that was creepy and I told her to complain but she thought it was sweet! 😒)

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 22/01/2021 13:12

@toocold54

It’s fine if a woman wants to make the first move but really If he liked the op he would have done it.

I agree in most cases but surely he could be sacked if he asked OP out so he may have been treading carefully. He may have wanted to wait a few days and ‘bump’ into her rather than texting a clients private number which is really unprofessional.

I dont agree with this at all. In that case he could have told her, yes, he'd love to but he wants to remain professional and would have to hand her jobs over to another plumber.

How on earth can he "bump" into her when we are in lockdown and noone is going anywhere?! In life, people generally do what they want to do and they dont do what they dont want to do.

She texted him asking him out and he hasn't answered. He isnt interested. Anything else is just giving the OP false hope.

pictish · 22/01/2021 13:21

I agree you sent the text too late at night. I wouldn’t text anyone that late unless it was important. Certainly wouldn’t be asking a plumber out at that hour. It’s inappropriate given he only knows you through his job list at work. Fine to text and ask him out (well done on taking the initiative) but in the daytime, not at night when he may well be in bed...and possibly not alone. Bit outlandish on your part.

I’m saying this with kindness so hopefully you will make the distinction in future. Don’t text people you are not familiar with late at night.

UntamedWisteria · 22/01/2021 13:26

OP, I got some strange messages asking for friendship from a former plumber via Linked In that were sent at about 1 am.

I assumed he was drunk and ignored them.

Never heard any more again.

Bearnecessity · 22/01/2021 13:29

Too cold you need to read your first post nothing nice and innocent about it.Ha ha

WombatChocolate · 22/01/2021 13:40

I hope that almost 20 pages into this thread, you aren't wishing you hadn't posted on here OP.

You saw someone you liked the look of, took a chance and texted and it didn't get anywhere. No big deal. You have the satisfaction of knowing you were pro-active, but it's not a massive rejection....and you just move on.

Too many posters on here are bored in lockdown and living vicariously though you because nothing exciting was going on for them. Suggestions that you did something wrong or texted at the wrong time or should send further messages are just daft and overthinking it all. Your response to just move on is spot-on.

We've all been there in terms of expressing interest that wasn't reciprocated. It's fine and part of life. Most of us don't go through it with a load of strangers being overly invested in it though.

There will be others. Enjoy your weekend.

Boltonb · 22/01/2021 13:58

Suggestions that you did something wrong or texted at the wrong time or should send further messages are just daft and overthinking it all

What a load of bollocks. I’m not daft or overthinking it all. If I received a text at almost 11pm, I’d assume it was a) a booty call b) they were drunk

Bluntness100 · 22/01/2021 13:59

To be honest I also think texting at eleven pm to ask someone out is too late, it smacks a bit of drunk texting and booty call and it may have disrupted his sleep if he is up early the next day. He might even have thought it was something wrong with one of the kids and had immediate concern when he heard it come through.

toocold54 · 22/01/2021 14:38

Too cold you need to read your first post nothing nice and innocent about it.Ha ha

I have.Confused

I said that he would be flattered to get a message like that and the reason he hasn’t text back is probably because it’s a work phone.

If you think that’s snide and nasty then you seriously need to get a grip love!

starfishmummy · 22/01/2021 15:13

For those of you who say I shouldn't have text. Well...maybe I shouldn't have. But it took a lot of guts to send that text, guts I wouldn't have had to ask in person. As I said before, I wasn't creepy or at least I like to think I wasn't. You never know unless you try, right?

Well done. Theres always someone who has to make the first move. Its probably just as awkward for men asking women out but we just assume that theubwill be the ones asking.

And then if its a bloke doing the asking, in a perfectly friendly, non creepy way, mumsnet will immediately label him a pervert....

CleverCatty · 22/01/2021 15:41

OP - honestly despite what people say here, and despite in real life courtesy etc - why shouldn't you text and ask him out?!

You're not asking him to marry you etc.

I think in certain other countries e.g. USA - men appreciate women with a bit of guts (men certainly flirt more openly there in my experience) and wouldn't bat an eyelid at you texting!

Bearnecessity · 22/01/2021 16:15

Wrong post too cold nice try though...love....

Check out the one where you copied my post in....

In full possession of grippage not sure about yours tho'.

toocold54 · 22/01/2021 16:32

Wrong post too cold nice try though...love....

What is actually wrong with you?!

You said I was snide and nasty to the OP in my first post. Now your changing it and it’s not my first post?!

How about you stop talking in riddles and either say what I said that was offensive to the OP or apologise that you got me confused with someone else and stop embarrassing yourself by trying to carry it on because you’re just digging yourself deeper.

The only negative thing I said about OP was that I would have waited until after he finished all his jobs but I was in no way rude or nasty about it - you’re seriously unhinged if you think that’s offensive!

TJ17 · 22/01/2021 16:40

Stuck under a sleeping baby so had some time on my hands to scroll back through with popcorn in hand 🍿

I can confirm there's nothing wrong with any of your posts @toocold54 I can only assume this is a mistake 😅

2Kidsinatrenchcoat · 22/01/2021 16:43

@Bearnecessity

Wrong post too cold nice try though...love....

Check out the one where you copied my post in....

In full possession of grippage not sure about yours tho'.

I’ve just gone through the effort of reading back through all of toocold’s posts on here and I think you must have misunderstood something they said because there’s nothing ‘snide and nasty’ there!
toocold54 · 22/01/2021 16:43

😂😂 thank you! @TJ17 I thought I was going mad!!

2Kidsinatrenchcoat · 22/01/2021 16:44

@toocold54 maybe they thought you were accusing them of watching too much porn rather than talking about yourself? Only possibility I can think of!

toocold54 · 22/01/2021 16:45

Thank you too!! @2Kidsinatrenchcoat the poster has commented a few times saying I have said something but won’t say what it is lol