Wedding anniversary hell

[classiestgal]

It was my wedding anniversary this week. We’ve been married a long time. He’s never made any effort apart from our 10th which was lovely so I wasn’t expecting much but I didn’t even get a morning cuddle or a cuppa in bed. Just nothing. I was very hurt. It was obvious the day was just going to be a nothing day. I suggested going for a walk. He agreed but his whole demeanour was disinterest. I try really hard to push down my hurt and disappointment with these kind of things but I was very unhappy and I snapped at him over something trivial which then ended up with us in a huge argument and he shouted something very hurtful in front of the kids. Since then (midweek) he’s not talking to me. That evening I put a glass of wine and the present I’d got him outside his door with a “sorry we argued on our anniversary” and he gave it back to me with a “no thanks”. So it’s now 4 days later and he’s completely shut me out which he has a tendency to do and the atmosphere is just awful. I don’t know what to do next or how to handle this.

Tell him to go to hell.

Ii bet he's ruined every special occasion that you find important.

Totally taking you for granted.
Shithead.

Tell him to fuck off what an absolute arsehole

Does he want to be with you, have you asked him?

Agree with PPs. Tell him where to shove it.

I’m sorry to hear this OP. He is a man child. You deserve much better than this. What is the actual point of him?
Sulking like this and the silent treatment is no way to live. You really need to consider how many more years of this you are willing to endure. Marriage should be a partnership, he doesn’t seem interested in being a good partner to you.

Do you want to be married to him?

I think it needs to be him that makes the effort now OP. The not celebrating or acknowledging the anniversary is thoughtless, but now he is/has been deliberately hurtful. You also said that he tends to shut you out. That isn't healthy and is actually quite abusive.

Do you want to stay with him? He sounds awful.

A tendency to shut you out for days? No, that is completely unacceptable. That's the part I'd be looking at!

My only option is to leave him though and I don’t want the marriage to break up

Doesn't sound much of a marriage tbh, you don't treat people you love like that

The self-absorbed twat.
Can I ask...is he a snappy/bad-tempered/rude sort himself?

So you bought him a present and a bottle of wine and he acted disinterested in going for a walk with you! There's more going on here then. The cold shoulder treatment is a form of control which your subsequent behaviour shows. You asked what you should do, my answer is nothing. Let him know his behaviour is no longer working.

classiestgal,

re your comment:-
"My only option is to leave him though and I don’t want the marriage to break up"

Why on earth not?. What are you still getting out of this?. Is this really an ideal relationship model for your kids to potentially grow up to copy themselves?. Better to be from a so called broken home than to remain in one for what are really your own (spurious based) reasons.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?.

He has caused the family to break up by his abusive actions towards you. His silent treatment is an example of emotional abuse.

My only option is to leave him though and I don’t want the marriage to break up

Is it a marriage at this point? Sounds like it was over for him long ago.

Why don't you want the marriage to break up? Do you want to be married to an arsehole?

He sounds like an arsehole. This behaviour is controlling and he knows that the cold shoulder treatment is going to have a effect on you.
I think you seriously need to evaluate what you are getting from this relationship.

He’s the one breaking the marriage up by treating you like shit. The silent treatment is emotional abuse. It’s coercive control. That is a crime. Do you want your children to learn that marriage is a place where dad is king and mum has to make do with little scraps from the table and gets punished for standing up for herself? I don’t think so.

Also he obviously thinks he can bully you into submission with his silence. Stop trying to placate him. Leave him to sulk. Fain indifference. You’re acting like he holds all the power. Which he does while you’re begging for a kind word from him. Take your power back.

Wow, I wasn't expecting the 'no thanks' comment. That's awful, who does that?? Get your ducks together for a chat!

I think it depends on your expectations.
I have never celebrated our anniversary. We hit 25 years in lockdown. It’s just a normal day to me.

I think you had expections of a romantic day that weren't met but you were kind and not too proud to apologise for your part in the argument. Your DH sounds like a twat. He's deliberately continuing this behaviour to punish you.

I'd say, I tried and I apologised, you won't accept it so fill your boots and enjoy your sulk because I'm done with it. Stop pandering to him, leave him to it. I hope you're not cooking and washing for him

Goodness.
Where do you see yourself in 2, 5 or even 10 years?

Can you live with someone who can’t even meet halfway over an argument?
Also we don’t have our own doors here so where was he when you left the gift?

Sorry, but I think your marriage is already broken

That evening I put a glass of wine and the present I’d got him outside his door with a “sorry we argued on our anniversary”

OP is that his bedroom door or his work from home office door....just sounds like an odd sentence as if you have his and hers parts of the house? Sorry but that 'No thanks" retort is so very very hurtful. You seen to be the placater in this relationship and he knows how to hurt you by ignoring you. You do know that the silent treatment is a form of abuse dont you?

He sounds absolutely horrible OP. I know you say you don't want to break the marriage up, I can understand that as no matter what a breakup is stressful and horrible. But you deserve so much more than this.