Wedding anniversary hell

[classiestgal]

It was my wedding anniversary this week. We’ve been married a long time. He’s never made any effort apart from our 10th which was lovely so I wasn’t expecting much but I didn’t even get a morning cuddle or a cuppa in bed. Just nothing. I was very hurt. It was obvious the day was just going to be a nothing day. I suggested going for a walk. He agreed but his whole demeanour was disinterest. I try really hard to push down my hurt and disappointment with these kind of things but I was very unhappy and I snapped at him over something trivial which then ended up with us in a huge argument and he shouted something very hurtful in front of the kids. Since then (midweek) he’s not talking to me. That evening I put a glass of wine and the present I’d got him outside his door with a “sorry we argued on our anniversary” and he gave it back to me with a “no thanks”. So it’s now 4 days later and he’s completely shut me out which he has a tendency to do and the atmosphere is just awful. I don’t know what to do next or how to handle this.

@classiestgal

His door means his bedroom. We sleep separately. There are historical issues and he’s not really interested in us spending the night together.

Oh dear, OP it appears you have no actual 'marriage', only in name and on paper only. You're flatmates. You don't have an actual relationship. Definitely LTB, find a man who can't wait to wake up next to you in the morning, who wants to be with you, and who treasures you. Life is too short to be this miserable. You still have a long life so why not find it with a man who wants to be with you in every sense of the word? You are wasting years in a loveless flatmate relationship. Don't worry about celebrating a paper 'anniversary'. You have no marriage to celebrate, to even have an anniversary. Get out now and find the man who is waiting out there for you to love you and treasure you, and wake up beside you. You only have one very short life. Go for it!

You still have a long life
and
You only have one very short life

Ugh, I contradicted myself there. But hopefully you know what I mean.

OP this is going to be difficult to hear but you need to wake up. This is the behaviour of someone who can barely tolerate you. He has utter contempt for you and likely just wants to have as little to do with you as possible. He hasn't left simply because its easier for him to have a live in maid and nanny. He likely also doesn't want the expense and hassle of divorce.

He does not love you anymore.

He will never change this miserable status quo unless he meets another woman at which point he will be gone without a backward glance. You need to get back your self respect and look to your future. Figure out what a separation and divorce will look like, take the time you need to save and prepare then TELL him you are divorcing (don't ask and don't let him talk you out of it). He is already done in his head so you need to prepare yourself and protect your and the children's interests.

You do seem rather laid back, op. You started a thread where your kids are beginning to ignore you and walk over you too.

Even this thread is rather half hearted. A sentence here and there.

@classiestgal

Every relationship has issues though? Isn’t it better to show them that things can be worked through

Not if it traps them in an abusive environment that they cling on to instead of saying enough is enough, leaving, and working on their own confidence and self-worth. All this teaches them is to squash their own needs in order to pander to someone who has no interest in their happiness or wellbeing.

Sounds awful op. You'd be much better off without thsi wanker

So sorry OP.

It sounds like your marriage is long over and you are living with a nasty prick.

Your children are seeing so much and it will be hugely damaging for them.

Start focusing on yourself and what you can do to help yourself.

@cheeseandwin5 never a truer word