[quote zigzog44]@Josuk - He hasn’t tried long enough to pleasure me, he’s taken the stance that he can’t pleasure me and so thinks it’s not possible. I already do self-play during sex but I’d really like it if he brought me to orgasm. Sometimes when it’s that time of the month, I will give him oral until he climaxes but knowing he can’t do the same to me is frustrating. It’s not been a problem in my previous relationship, so I know I’m not complicated and difficult to bring to orgasm.
I think what I’m looking for is ways to approach the situation, so he knows how much it bothers me, I don’t want to be hostile but I want to assert myself so it doesn’t carry on like it always has. I think lack of experience and confidence are the main factors for him.[/quote]
No. They aren't. From what you describe, it's sheer laziness and lack of care.
Reverse it. Would you do the same to him. 'Aw hun, I've tried. Oh well, looks like I can't do it. So soreeeee! Ok, where do you want me to lay so you can start on me?'
Honestly, this is a pretty big red flag full stop, because if he cared about you, your joint sex life, your connection... he would no longer be inexperienced or unconfident because he would have continued to try, every time you had sex. That would be normal. This is lazy, selfish and uncaring.
What do you do? You stop worrying about appearing possibly 'hostile' to a man who has made it clear he doesn't give a shit about your sex life as long as his is fine. You just shrug and say 'Aw sorry hun, not in the mood, it's a toughie you see when I know I won't come.'
If he sulks or persuades, you tell him you're willing to try again at him being able to make you come if he is willing. Broken record. But you never do him first. Because you're not in the mood yet.
It will honestly be a good acid test to see how this bloke reacts to this, because honestly my gut feeling here is that you're with a selfish shit who will be a selfish shit in other areas of life.