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Original poster

He Can’t Make Me Orgasm!

110 replies

zigzog44 · 15/01/2021 11:40

Hi,

I’m wondering if anyone could give me advice, or how to approach this. I’ve been with my partner for a long time now and he’s never once brought me to orgasm, he’s not skilled with his fingers or tongue. He’s acknowledged the fact he can’t pleasure me, like I can pleasure myself but I can’t understand why he hasn’t tried and gone out of his way to try and learn how to do this, there’s plenty of pointers online (I’ve tried to show/guide him to no avail.) I have for many years accepted this but I am slowly going off sex because I know I won’t orgasm during sex and i feel deflated. I bring him to orgasm through oral/hand/sex and it feels like I’ve always missed out. How can I approach this with him? I don’t want to spend the rest of my life never experiencing an orgasm with him. I don’t want to leave him!

OP posts:
shitinmyhandsandclap · 15/01/2021 15:17

@Ren1975

HE CANT MAKE ORGASM!!!

That's a little bit of a cop out though?

We should, hopefully, know how to make ourselves orgasm? Surely.

Therefore, all we have to do is teach. I'm pretty sure our partners aren't mind readers?

From the OP (I’ve tried to show/guide him to no avail.)
Dery · 15/01/2021 15:18

Don’t settle for orgasmless sex. You’re missing such a treat. Have you tried fantasising during sex? Doing that combined with clitoral stimulation has definitely enhanced my ability to orgasm. I used to come about 25% of the time. Now I come every time! You might find Nancy Friday ‘Her Secret Garden’ a helpful read in this regard.

PS - his laziness in this regard is really poor. My DH was always willing to do what was needed but it could take so long that I would often stop him. That was before I realised my brain really needed to be in on the action.

2ManyDicksOnTheDancefloor · 15/01/2021 15:24

It sounds like a lack of sexual chemistry too. When you have that you feed off each other's enjoyment and pleasure. I can't imagine having to teach someone how to make me cum, that would seem very unsexy. Pointers are good like, keep going, It feels good there, harder.

You can't manufacture sexual chemistry, it maybe time to rethink the relationship.

WhatsMissed · 15/01/2021 15:31

Can you not use a toy together?

BeyondFrustrated · 15/01/2021 15:47

If I wasn’t getting certain things sexually there’s no way in hell I’d be giving them.

Original poster
zigzog44 · 15/01/2021 15:59

@Ren1975 - I know how to make myself orgasm, I want him to be able to bring me to orgasm, the same way I do for him. No he’s not a mind-reader but trust me, I’ve tried to guide/show him how I like to be touched.

@2ManyDicksOnTheDancefloor - It did feel awkward/unsexy to show him how to touch me but I hoped it would help him. I think you’re right about the sexual chemistry.

I don’t want to use vibrators because in many ways this is just replacing what he’s lacking.

OP posts:
Ren1975 · 15/01/2021 16:01

Replacing what he's lacking???

Seriously? Did you just write that?

showmethegin · 15/01/2021 16:07

What wrong with what she said?

HerNameIsIncontinentiaButtocks · 15/01/2021 16:17

DP certainly can get me off, but I'm one-and-done for orgasms so usually do it myself during PIV and we often come more or less together (takes a bit of careful timing, then either of us coming first sets off the other :D). I don't feel at all hard done by that I'm the one flicking the bean.

BumbleBiscuit · 15/01/2021 16:22

Stop pleasuring him/giving him an orgasm until he gets you off. He’ll be keen to learn then!!

Branleuse · 15/01/2021 16:28

You get what you settle for OP.
If you keep rewarding him with lots of orgasms for his zero effort, why would he change now.
You shouldnt have to explain to a guy that your needs matter too

Original poster
zigzog44 · 15/01/2021 16:28

@Ren1975 - Yes you read that right 👍🏻

OP posts:
goldielockdown2 · 15/01/2021 16:30

I'm surprised at the posts suggesting your lack of orgasm is somehow on you.
You clearly said you have no problems reaching orgasm and have showed your OH how to do it. He won't do it, which means he doesn't care, is lazy and has a problematic mindset towards sex. It is supposed to be providing pleasure to the other person, a mutual thing. As opposed to using a human as a masturbatory aid and just taking from it.
Personally I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself if the other person wasn't- i wouldn't be fully turned on.
He is selfish. Either become selfish like him and don't allow him to cum or get him to a sex therapist so he can understand what a loving, normal sex life is really about.

Ren1975 · 15/01/2021 16:31

Oh dear OP. We seem to have a far larger problem here.

It's not his bedrooms issues. It's your lack of tolerance. And just the old, kind, human decency.

Your partner is not your toy.

There I said it. I spelled it out.

JazzyGeoff · 15/01/2021 16:33

@Ren1975

Replacing what he's lacking???

Seriously? Did you just write that?

Well yes, he's lacking the desire or inclination to learn what would make her feel good.

Not exactly kind or decent there is he

goldielockdown2 · 15/01/2021 16:38

Ren stop talking rubbish.

Original poster
zigzog44 · 15/01/2021 16:41

@Ren1975 - Your comment made me laugh! That’s about how helpful it was.

Your comment is rather strange to suggest I see him as my toy, have you not heard of mutual pleasure?

OP posts:
TurquoiseDragon · 15/01/2021 16:43

@Ren1975

Oh dear OP. We seem to have a far larger problem here.

It's not his bedrooms issues. It's your lack of tolerance. And just the old, kind, human decency.

Your partner is not your toy.

There I said it. I spelled it out.

But he's expecting her to be his toy.

He's not bothered in getting OP off, but happily accepts OP getting him off.

It's not OP lacking in decency, here, it's him.

BumbleBiscuit · 15/01/2021 16:46

It reminds me of that quote from Sex and the City...

Samantha: "Fuck me badly once, shame on you. Fuck me badly twice, shame on me!" 🤣

You’ve got to accept your role in this OP for putting up with it for so long.

Branleuse · 15/01/2021 16:50

@Ren1975 thats hilarious. Are you actually joking?

Ren1975 · 15/01/2021 16:50

It's all in the words, folks!

Littlefluffyclouds13 · 15/01/2021 16:52

Dh really struggled to get me there when we were first together and literally worked like a trooper to work it out. He was gutted that he couldn't and was jubilant when he did. 11 years on he like him to be the one who has 'silver medal sex' eg he comes second Grin
Your dp sounds lazy and pretty crappy in bed, you deserve better op!

Littlefluffyclouds13 · 15/01/2021 16:53

@Ren1975

Oh dear OP. We seem to have a far larger problem here.

It's not his bedrooms issues. It's your lack of tolerance. And just the old, kind, human decency.

Your partner is not your toy.

There I said it. I spelled it out.

I bloody hope you don't have a partner and if you do I pity them!!!
Ren1975 · 15/01/2021 16:54

Oh yes OP, I do know of these words.

Ok so its clearly not sexually working.

I was with someone for a long time. No words can ever glue a lack of connection together. Again, this does appear to be your largest problem here.

No mutually, beneficent sex is just the symptom. Perhaps I'm being harsh. Only you can decide what's best for you.

Ren1975 · 15/01/2021 16:57

@Littlefluffyclouds13

I fail to see what relevance my current sexual status has in this argument?