Can someone just hold my hand? Just for a bit

[MoreLegsThanMe]

My husband of 36 years has left. I don’t know how to get through tonight. Can someone just hold my hand, please?

Thank you all so much.

I spoke again with my GP this afternoon and very nearly lost it again. It’s like I feel that if anyone is kind to me I’ll just break. He so kindly emailed the prescription through to the chemist and I picked it up an hour later.

He has upped the diazepam and zopiclone, just short term, and also started me on citalopram. It just feels like I can’t even cope with this without medication. It’s so stupid.

He hasn’t messaged the DC today. He did on Monday just to DD1 I think, saying he still loved and cared for them all and still thought of them. He asked her to give DGS a “big kiss”.

DD1 hadn’t wanted to tell me until today. She said she didn’t reply and can’t see herself replying to any messages in the future. She is a very strong, driven woman and if she says that, then that is likely what will happen.

I keep saying this don’t I, but I just can’t see this will ever change. I can’t imagine laughing or even smiling and meaning it. And I’m just not able to bear the thought of being alone forever. He went straight from our bed to hers. He “met” her in May and they had that flat sorted and moved in by June 11th. It’s just fucking fucking unbearable

Hi @MoreLegsThanMe, glad to read you have spoken to your GP again.

It is very early days regards your situation, you are doing well on keeping everything together with your children.

There will come a time when the pain you are experiencing is easier to cope with x

Your GP and your DC all sound marvellous OP. Please take the meds with a clear conscience, they’re helping you to get through this stage of reeling and floundering. You will get there. Sleep well now.

Awful
Awful

You can do this

What shit to go through
You sound amazing and deserve so much better

Each day you get stronger xxxxx

OP perhaps like many a cliched man he can't cope with ageing - his running off is his attempt to escape it.

Sadly for him - his age is one thing that has gone with him.

(The contrast between what he really is and his new partner will show this to him very soon.)

I'm so sorry for the pain he has created for you and your family. Your unselfishness shows that you are strong and you will survive this. Here at the worst time, remember that women like you grow power from hurt like this. You have the love of your children forever and hopefully a life ahead that holds something much better than what is left of your DH.

I hope that you will soon come to feel better from the terrible shock and pain of this sudden amputation .

Remember that what he has deprived you of is a selfish deluded old man. (You are the one he gave his better years and youth to :) - he can't take any of that back, it is spent.)

2.5 years ago I was you.

Different reasons (abuse) but the same emotions. I didnt think I could get through another day. But I did. And another, and another..... eventually I realised that it wasnt the first thing I thought about every day. And that was a real shock, but in a nice way if you know what I mean.

Now, I couldnt give a flying fuck where he is, what he is doing and who he is with (he cheated too). My main emotion is relief. Yours will be too, you just need to wait.

Its a hackneyed old saying but time really is a healer. You are still in the early days, but keep the faith that it will happen for you as it has for all of us who have walked in your shoes.

Dont forget, he left a beautiful intelligent dignified woman for a needy nightmare who was happy to stand in a public street and scream like a fishwife. Some "prize" she won, right? Its no judgement on you, but says everything about him and his desperation to convince himself that he is still young enough to pull. What a fucking arsehole he is.

1WayOrAnother2 Your last paragraph is so true & uplifting! Also OP you do have so much to look forward to it’s just you can’t see it yet- it’s within you it’s not what ExDh can provide

Hi op, just checking in for the morning, hope the sleeping tabs have kicked in and you're getting some well needed sleep.

As the others posters have said, grief doesn't work like that, you will have days when you feel you are going backwards, two steps forward, three steps back.
I's completely normal, so long as you know your feeings will change and the pain will diminish, in time.
During that time try to be extra good to yourself.
Treat yourself.

Can I ask do you have pets?

Take care, sending hugs, be kind to yourself.

Sweetheart. Read through; brilliant advice from @CatChant and others.
Also, remember - all non ESSENTIAL hospital appointments have been cancelled.

I think I may be entitled to have an internally voiced grumble about my knee replacement but as for "How can I work my willy pump?" is going to be far down on our over stretched NHS list.
X

@MrsGRamsay

Sweetheart. Read through; brilliant advice from *@CatChant* and others. Also, remember - all non ESSENTIAL hospital appointments have been cancelled.

I think I may be entitled to have an internally voiced grumble about my knee replacement but as for "How can I work my willy pump?" is going to be far down on our over stretched NHS list.
X

I can vouch for this, DH had his prostate removed a year ago, between them the gps and the pharmacist and the hospital can’t even work out how to get one😂

If you read back your earlier post last night you said yesterday didn’t seem so bad this is such a massive improvement to where you were last week. You then had a blip, but today will be better. The improvement doesn’t come in a straight line but the general direction is up.

general direction is up.

Unlike his willy....

Thank you all. I’m so grateful.

I’m going to try today. I’ll take the first of these tablets.

Thank you for staying with me last night

Me too...going to change my bed and try and change my room around a bit.
Lots of love to you x

You have a huge MN cheerleading squad behind you - hope that brings you some comfort OP.

@MoreLegsThanMe

Thank you all. I’m so grateful.

I’m going to try today. I’ll take the first of these tablets.

Thank you for staying with me last night

Well done it may take a few days for them to kick in but hope they make a difference for you quickly

She’s 37, and she has shacked up with a 60? year old impotent grandfather. With teenagers and a legal eagle wife.

She’s a fool.
He’s a complete fool.

All you can do from here on in is live well. Keep on keeping on. Maintain your dignity. You are amazing.

Just emerging to say you’re doing brilliantly, OP. Keep going, keep going.

*MoreLegsThanMe
*
Keep going and keep talking when you need to. As little but also as often as you need to.

You should be really proud of yourself and you'll see that in time.

Thank you all again, so much. It really helps to know there are people behind me.

I’m trying to be dignified - when I think of how she came to my house and shouted on like she did I know I could never behave like that.

I wonder if he expected that I would be sending him ever more desperate messages. Believe me I have thought about it. I check his WA once a day and he has been active (I only do it to see the time and to see if any of the DC then say they got a message around then). She works from home and he has literally nobody else to message - I’d not be surprised if he was still on those disgusting foul affair sites.

None of the DC heard from him today.

When she eventually goes back to work he’ll be alone in that flat day in, day out. And then as I think we’ve said, when she’s 47 he’ll be 70. It’s not going to last is it. It can’t.

So I might seem dignified and okay on the outside, but inside I can’t even say I’m falling to bits. I’ve already fallen.

@MoreLegsThanMe You may feel like you have fallen to bits and rightly so but you will be/are so much stronger than the both of them will ever be. They are just trashy, vile specimens.

Oh sweetheart, I remember so well how awful those days were. And I didnt have to deal with a foulmouthed harpie embarrassing herself in public as you have. You dealt with that with so much dignity, I think I can say for all of us who have had our less than dignified moments that I have huge pride in you for that. I for one lost my shit when his mother was trying to persuade me to have him back and asked if she would have a lying cheating bastard back who had photos on his phone of other womens cunts (yes, I used that word, to an 84 year old lady who didnt know what he had done). I am still mortified to this day that I did that.

You will have down days but they will become fewer over time and you will start to realise that you care much less and that in the end, he has done you a huge favour. You are going to have a great life, because you know that you can stand on your own two feet and not only survive but THRIVE. He on the other hand well.....its not going to be good for him is it?

How are you??

It will never last

When the creep comes back looking for you kick him to the kerb

If you do get a letter regarding his appt I’d shred it personally. You never need to admit to it.
Faking it is fine op. Every day you get up and do something normal like getting dressed and talking to the dc is a gold medal day. Instead of thinking youre failing, think this is a trophy on the podium day.

Sleep tight MoreLegs. You got through another day. That's something to be very proud of.

Checking in to say I've been following and well done for how you've been handling this.

It won't last but it doesn't matter really. He's a fool.

It will get better and you'll be ok.