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Original poster

Lockdown Birthdays...AIBU?

109 replies

TeaBeforeTwo · 08/01/2021 21:54

Namechanged for this post.

I have a significant birthday tomorrow and my DH and I had booked a city break some months ago...all well and good obviously until COVID / lockdown struck and plans went out of the window.

DH had contributed a good amount of money to the trip as my birthday present...probably about 75% of the amount in total. Money being refunded and we will rebook when the country can travel again although this probably won’t be until 2022 given the destination, if then.

My question is would you expect your DH to give you anything else for your birthday or would you accept that the gift is the trip which is going to be significantly postponed now?

Interested to hear people’s views on this...

OP posts:
TiredyMcTired · 08/01/2021 21:57

I wouldn't expect anything else, it's not your DH's fault the trip is cancelled and if it is going ahead in the future then that is still your gift

TheChineseChicken · 08/01/2021 21:57

I would expect another gift - and for DH to make a big fuss to compensate for having a milestone birthday in lockdown. I assume this isn’t happening for you Sad

Weenurse · 08/01/2021 21:57

Given it is last minute and shops are closed, I would like a nice meal, a bath and a back rub in the short term.
Medium and long term the option of rebooking the holiday or a gift of my choice.

Weenurse · 08/01/2021 21:58

Happy birthday 🎁🎉

Butterymuffin · 08/01/2021 21:58

I would expect a small gift, given that he's paid towards the trip. I wouldn't expect nothing and a 'well, that was your present so too bad' approach.

Vitaminsss · 08/01/2021 22:00

Token gift perhaps, flowers or card? It’s a hit mean to ignore your actual birthday

Laureline · 08/01/2021 22:00

I’d say let’s organize instead a nice meal, a good movie to watch and a bottle of champagne (with the kids exiled to their rooms). Or alternatively a game night for the whole family. But I’m probably a bit boring.

Chamomileteaplease · 08/01/2021 22:01

The trip isn't rebooked yet and it is still your birthday so you definitely need another present Smile.

parietal · 08/01/2021 22:01

i'd expect a small gift or nice dinner at home. something a bit special that can be managed in the current circumstances.

PuppyMonkey · 08/01/2021 22:02

I’d think it pretty weird if there was, like ... no acknowledgement.Confused

sweetiepie1 · 08/01/2021 22:02

I would expect something to unwrap nothing expensive or anything!

Akire · 08/01/2021 22:02

Yes it’s bad having lockdown birthday small gift and nice wine and dinner as a mim. Not like you can’t get millions items for next day on Amazon.

MrsGlitterSparklesHun · 08/01/2021 22:04

I wouldn't expect anything as such but as the trip is being refunded (as opposed to just the dates changed so money still tied up in the trip) I would be disappointed if there was nothing (even small gesture) on my birthday. If it was roles reversed, I would get my partner something for their special birthday for the actual day so its more relevant and then suggest we go 50/50 on the trip when we can rebook, whenever that may be, and it would be then more of a general trip away rather than a birthday trip.

Original poster
TeaBeforeTwo · 08/01/2021 22:05

@TheChineseChicken I thought he might do something because when we realised the trip wasn’t going ahead, he said he had already thought about this. Turns out thought is all he did. He has just told me that he didn’t get anything.

The trip would have been enough of course had we gone but it does feel now that my birthday will go unmarked (again) and while I would like to think we will definitely go on the trip, I can’t help feeling that it will either be delayed for years or will never happen.

I feel so sad.

Thank you for the birthday wishes.

OP posts:
JaceLancs · 08/01/2021 22:09

I would expect token gift
But to be feted on the day!
Breakfast in bed, waited on, takeaway or cooked a lovely meal
Something special arranged to mark it
It’s DP birthday this week (not a milestone) and we are doing takeaway pizza, and an exit game which other family members will join in over zoom - will probably involve more than a few drinks - I will also get him a fancy dessert or cake with candles

Original poster
TeaBeforeTwo · 08/01/2021 22:14

@MrsGlitterSparklesHun That’s what I would do too. I would want to make up for the disappointment and buy him something he really wanted to mark the day. Not least because there would be no guarantee we would definitely get to go on the trip....life might have other ideas (bit dramatic I know).

OP posts:
Diverseduvet · 08/01/2021 22:16

A (homemade) card and a day off would be suffice in current climate.

howdoyouknow123 · 08/01/2021 22:22

I think you need to tell him you're really disappointed the holidays been cancelled and you'd like him to do something nice for you, such as cook a nice meal and get you flowers etc.

Spell it out for him.

Happy birthday 🥳

eattolose · 08/01/2021 22:23

@Weenurse

Given it is last minute and shops are closed, I would like a nice meal, a bath and a back rub in the short term. Medium and long term the option of rebooking the holiday or a gift of my choice.
It's not last minute. It's been obvious that going away wasn't going to work for a long time.

I would expect something else

Redflaggs · 08/01/2021 22:24

@TeaBeforeTwo sounds like the trip was good for both of you. And as that isn't happening until who knows of course he should do something else.

To be real honest it's got nothing to do with any of us. It's about what you want and expect.

My ex once said ' I didn't put decorations up because it's not my thing,' I told it's not for you sweetie it's for me. But that's cool there are a lot of things that aren't my thing too.

Next 3 months football and blow jobs were off the cards.

Original poster
TeaBeforeTwo · 08/01/2021 22:24

It’s really interesting hearing people’s views.

I think if I thought for one minute that we would be able to take the trip in the Spring then I would feel much better about it all. Instead, it feels as though the occasion will go unmarked.

I don’t usually have much of a fuss made on my birthday. I usually work and at the most have a meal out. I so wanted this birthday to be different. My DH knows this. I know too that lockdown can’t be helped and the fact we are limited in what we can do isn’t his fault. I don’t have any other family around so it’s not as though anyone will make a fuss.

OP posts:
Redflaggs · 08/01/2021 22:25

By the way Happy Birthday fellow Capricorn ♑️ ThanksThanksThanks

classiestgal · 08/01/2021 22:27

He could have done something. Quick trip to the local co-op for chocs, wine and flowers, a card and some birthday streamers or something. Doesn’t have to be expensive just something. Bottle of Buck’s Fizz and breakfast.

classiestgal · 08/01/2021 22:27

Oh and happy birthday

DenisetheMenace · 08/01/2021 22:29

Happy birthday.

Personally, not the least bothered, stopped counting years ago. Would look forward to a lovely trip when this mess is all an unpleasant memory.