How do I get my partner to shower

[nokia3210567]

Hi All

Met my partner years ago and at that time he showered and brushed his teeth regularly.

We have had a baby so had a tough 18 months for both of us. There were weeks I would only shower a couple times a week. But baby is 18 months now and even though I am battling severe depression I make myself shower every day.

I'm lucky if my partner showers once a week and he hardly beushes his teeth either. Other than that he is absolutely amazing and happy, and cheery, his usual self in all other ways.

I ask him/suggest he has showers when its been a few days and I have pointed put in a kind way when it has been two weeks since he has showered but he just shrugs it off.

What can I do 😫

Just now I had a bath and I have come downstairs and I walked into the living-room and all I could smell was him. I do have a sensitive sense of smell but just still. I love him so much and I don't want to be unkind.

I think you need to tell him straight, be cruel to be kind. Sounds like you’ve tried the softly softly approach. Good luck

I never understand this because to me a shower is an absolute pleasure, something to look forward to.

If hes otherwise happy and cheery then clearly it's just laziness and you need to be direct. This is so awkward though.

bath together when babies asleep?

Make blasé comments?

I’m going for a run at 12 are you showering before or after as I will want one.

Do you need a new toothbrush?

Have you tried the new toothpaste I’ve got....is it better or should I go back to regular?

Unless you have the guts to be blunt then just come out with it- cruel to be kind.

Tell him he smells and it's not very appealing.
Not cleaning your teeth is rank and unhealthy.
I think I would ask why he isn't taking better care of himself.

You are going to have to tell him he smells if he isn't taking the hint. I don't think you have to shower every day but if B O is filling a room it's time to come out with it.

It's time to stop being gentle about it. You can't raise a child with a filthy man like that. Fgs, he makes your house stink! I honestly feel sick just imagining how disgusting he must be. I'd be telling him he either employs proper hygiene or he leaves.

I think you need to be direct but tactful, tell him you've noticed a decline in his hygiene and you're concerned about it.

DH showers more or less daily but occasionally will be a lazy git and skip it which is fine if he hasn't been for a run or doing other sweaty things. If he has been sweaty and he smells like it then I point out to him that he honks like a gym bag and won't be getting in my bed or my pants until he sorts it out.

Typing that out I realised it makes me sound horrible! Its said in a playful way and he would think nothing of doing the same back to me, we're very forthright with one another.

What did his colleagues think of him smelling and having bad breath (in non COVID times).

If he kept his personal hygiene up for his workmates but not at home it seems like laziness.

Just be direct. Say “you smell like shit and need to shower. It’s non-negotiable.”
Don’t be nice about it.. he needs to know it’s not acceptable.

Please don't say you're having sex with him op. His nether regions must be disgusting . There's no excuse for not jumping in the shower for a couple of minutes and having a quick wash. Even when I was in the pits of depression I managed to drag myself in the shower.

Yeah I wouldn’t let him in my bed tbh. I would just say ‘hygiene is really important to me. I find it really sexy when your teeth are just brushed and you’re fresh from the shower’

Please tell me you don’t have sex with or kiss him (absolutely not envy)

Two weeks? You can’t ignore that. I favour the direct approach but in my experience, even telling someone they smell doesn’t make a difference to their washing habits (thinking of a colleague.)

Oh wow op I don't how much love you have but must be a lot if he isn't hygienic I bet it's also embarrassing for you

You need to tell him straight and be blunt. Not nice

Tell the smelly cunt to brush his yellow teeth and scrub his bollocks.

🤣🤣

@FrankButchersDickieBow
😂😂😂

Say 'I notice you rarely take a shower and I'm wondering why that is. Maybe you are feeling depressed but aren't saying it'.
There must be some reason behind it. People do not change their habits for no reason.
Really you have to bring it to his attention. Not only from the smell perspective but from the peculiar behaviour point of view.
Who washes the clothes in your house? Does he put on washes as well as you? Does he wash his clothes just as often or does he wear the same time every day?

@FrankButchersDickieBow

Tell the smelly cunt to brush his yellow teeth and scrub his bollocks.

🤣🤣

To be fair that's the kind of thing I would come out with

Oh god, I am nauseated thinking about this.

I think you need to be blunt. Very blunt.

Thanks for the replies everyone.

It has definitely much worse since working from home/covid but his hygiene wasn't stellar when he was going to the office every day either.

I think you are right saying it's also strange from a behavioural point of view

I do all the washing and most of the housework. I work part time and look after our son the rest of the time so it's fair for me to do so. He does loads with our son, he isn't a lazy father or lazy in general/at work/does lots of diy etc

Tell him that his hygiene is unacceptable, and is killing your attraction to him.

I dont get why this is so hard- youve had sex with him yet cant talk about this?

Tell him- "I love you but you smell. I am telling you this because I care about you and its unpleasant for me who has to share a house with you.
Please shower"

No way would i be having sex with him until his personal hygiene was taken care of. Thats just grim.

If you can't tell him to his face he stinks your relationship isn't up to much...