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Original poster

How do I get my partner to shower

127 replies

nokia3210567 · 08/01/2021 19:40

Hi All

Met my partner years ago and at that time he showered and brushed his teeth regularly.

We have had a baby so had a tough 18 months for both of us. There were weeks I would only shower a couple times a week. But baby is 18 months now and even though I am battling severe depression I make myself shower every day.

I'm lucky if my partner showers once a week and he hardly beushes his teeth either. Other than that he is absolutely amazing and happy, and cheery, his usual self in all other ways.

I ask him/suggest he has showers when its been a few days and I have pointed put in a kind way when it has been two weeks since he has showered but he just shrugs it off.

What can I do 😫

Just now I had a bath and I have come downstairs and I walked into the living-room and all I could smell was him. I do have a sensitive sense of smell but just still. I love him so much and I don't want to be unkind.

OP posts:
NeonSparkle · 08/01/2021 20:34

My husband usually showers every day, but now and then he does skip a day, I then am upfront (but not mean or rude) and usually say something like ‘babe you bloody stink can you shower please’ and then he goes and has a shower...
You should be able to be honest and upfront about these kinds of things in a nice way so that he won’t be offended. I get it’s harder with a lot of us now being stuck at home, there is no routine as such and it’s easy to get lazy but basic personal hygiene is just a way of respecting yourself and your partner.

Emeraldeyes20 · 08/01/2021 20:35

That really is pretty disgusting !! Even my teenagers shower without being asked !

SisterlyCare · 08/01/2021 20:36

“I’d love it if you hop in the shower with me this morning. I find you after a fresh shower quite attractive and it turns me on”

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 08/01/2021 20:37

I guess the answer depends on whether he is depressed or just lazy.

If depressed then encourage him to get help but doesn't sound like thsts the case from what you've said.

If lazy then its kind of an insult to you to be honest. He will know that you will be able to smell him. I think you need to tell him that the smell and lack of hygiene is putting you off him and will he please have a daily shower and brush teeth 2x. If he would do that if he was dating someone new or to go to an interview etc then its insulting that you're not 'worth' his effort any more

CoconutQueen · 08/01/2021 20:38

Agree with Glitteryone's post above. I wouldn't put up with this for anything or anyone.

It's absolutely revolting. Don't compromise on basic standards.

Kettledodger · 08/01/2021 20:44

This is what you do. You act like a proper adult and tell him he smells and that it is a real turn off and that cleanliness really matters to you. Then you allow him to be an adult and do something about it for not only himself but you too. If he doesn't then he is showing you just how little your feeling matter and you have to take it from there.

I will never understand why people can't just TALK to each other Confused

Ontheboardwalk · 08/01/2021 20:44

I had two older brothers. When they went through the smelly teenage stage my mum used to come in sniff them and say to the smelly one 'bath now'. I'd go with this approach

Bitbusyattheminute · 08/01/2021 20:48

No xbox until he's showered and cleaned his teeth.

He has to go back if he hasn't washed his hair properly.

Or a hose in the garden.

Floomobal · 08/01/2021 20:48

Tell him that he smells, and he needs to shower every day.
Tell him that his breath smells and he needs to brush his teeth twice a day. Simple surely?

PeanuttyButter · 08/01/2021 20:49

He needs telling. Are you being intimate? I wouldn't go near him let alone kiss him if he hadn't showered or brushed his teeth. Think with things like this you need to tell him. It's not just him being a bit lazy or time getting away from him. 2 weeks is disgusting

Kettledodger · 08/01/2021 20:49

@Bitbusyattheminute

No xbox until he's showered and cleaned his teeth.

He has to go back if he hasn't washed his hair properly.

Or a hose in the garden.

OMG this is something I would expect someone to do for a 14yo ...no xbox ....really????
GoGina · 08/01/2021 20:50

Oh no!

I would simply say “you need to have a shower and brush your teeth or you will not be coming to bed with me”

I admire your kindness, I wouldn’t be able to deal with this.

Potatoespuds · 08/01/2021 20:52

My partner did this at beginning of the first lockdown. He went five days without a shower and barely brushed his teeth. I asked him why and he just couldn’t be arsed.

I was probably a bit of a dick because when he tried it on, I told him stank, looked minging, his breath reeked and he shouldn’t entertain himself with any ideas of sex until he cleaned himself up.

He had a shower the next morning but had showered and regularly brushed his teeth since.

Bitbusyattheminute · 08/01/2021 20:53

@Kettledodger

But that's what it reminds me of! Although I'm hoping mine is a bit more hygienic at 14.

MrsWindass · 08/01/2021 20:55

Tell him he sleeps elsewhere until he cleans himself up . Why should you have to pussyfoot around him ?

Dementedswan · 08/01/2021 20:59

I'm in the same boat, except mine actually wore same clothes underwear socks etc for a week. I told him point blank he stinks. And I'm not even joking, he left a waft in every room. Disgusting..I told him straight. His reply... well you smell too. I have a shower and a bath, hair wash every day. he has a shower last night... probably have one in Feb Envy

StElsewhere · 08/01/2021 21:00

@Potatoespuds

My partner did this at beginning of the first lockdown. He went five days without a shower and barely brushed his teeth. I asked him why and he just couldn’t be arsed.

I was probably a bit of a dick because when he tried it on, I told him stank, looked minging, his breath reeked and he shouldn’t entertain himself with any ideas of sex until he cleaned himself up.

He had a shower the next morning but had showered and regularly brushed his teeth since.

You weren't being a dick. That's the right way to deal with it.

OP, do what Potatoespuds did next time he comes near you.

Honest to god I'm a pretty conflict averse person, but even I'd just come straight out with, "you really need to take a shower and brush your teeth every day. You smell".

Ginfordinner · 08/01/2021 21:03

I agree that you need to be blunt.

Tell him he stinks and that his lack of hygiene is not normal and is unacceptable. I wouldn't be letting him near me TBH.

JellyNellie · 08/01/2021 21:04

Just leave the shower running and tell him "I've left the shower running for you to jump in" he will get the hint

fruitbrewhaha · 08/01/2021 21:06

I can't believe people are suggesting to OP that she has to lure him in with offers of sex.

Just tell him. It's really fucking gross, he stinks and not brushing his teeth gives him foal smelling breath and his teeth will fall out. How are you expecting him to raise your child with this attitude. Kids notoriously try to get out of washing or brushing teeth, how is going to help with that? Tell him to sort his shit out. Depression is horrible but so is toothache.

Clymene · 08/01/2021 21:08

It doesn't sound like he's depressed, it just sounds like he's lazy. Like a teenage boy

WhipperSnapperSteve · 08/01/2021 21:09

I guess the answer depends on whether he is depressed or just lazy.

Even in the pits of self-harm and severe depression along with disability I managed to crawl into the shower at best, daily, at worst, bi-daily.

He's a smelly cunt and needs be to,d so.

PurBal · 08/01/2021 21:14

I would suggest he is depressed. A day or two is one thing, but two weeks sounds outside of normal. I don't like getting wet and I don't like mint so minty toothpaste isn't enjoyable. I love being clean, there's nothing like the squeaky clean feeling, but I absolutely hate the process of cleaning myself. Could this be the same for your partner? It's much harder for me in winter when it's cold.

thosetalesofunexpected · 08/01/2021 21:18

Hi Op
Have a fun/sensual bath or shower
As a speacial couple time together.
And then give each other a sensual massages often too.
Your husband hygiene issues will be a thing of the past then,believe me.
😂😂😁

Kettledodger · 08/01/2021 21:19

Why do so many women make excuses for lazy arsed men??

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