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Original poster

How do I get my partner to shower

127 replies

nokia3210567 · 08/01/2021 19:40

Hi All

Met my partner years ago and at that time he showered and brushed his teeth regularly.

We have had a baby so had a tough 18 months for both of us. There were weeks I would only shower a couple times a week. But baby is 18 months now and even though I am battling severe depression I make myself shower every day.

I'm lucky if my partner showers once a week and he hardly beushes his teeth either. Other than that he is absolutely amazing and happy, and cheery, his usual self in all other ways.

I ask him/suggest he has showers when its been a few days and I have pointed put in a kind way when it has been two weeks since he has showered but he just shrugs it off.

What can I do 😫

Just now I had a bath and I have come downstairs and I walked into the living-room and all I could smell was him. I do have a sensitive sense of smell but just still. I love him so much and I don't want to be unkind.

OP posts:
SaltyTootsieToes · 08/01/2021 20:09

Agree with the approach Sadie above has suggested. Because it’s true, people just don’t stop their personal grooming without something going on

Notsure2020 · 08/01/2021 20:09

Oh no, I couldn't put up with this. You need to tell him straight that he's stinking and it's making you feel sick. I'd actually throw someone out if they done this, I once dumped an otherwise nice guy because his farts were worse than a dogs and he wouldn't stop letting off around me. I actually feel angry thinking about it Angry

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 08/01/2021 20:10

@Notsure2020

Oh no, I couldn't put up with this. You need to tell him straight that he's stinking and it's making you feel sick. I'd actually throw someone out if they done this, I once dumped an otherwise nice guy because his farts were worse than a dogs and he wouldn't stop letting off around me. I actually feel angry thinking about it Angry
I agree.

Its incredibly selfish to just not wash and expect your partner to deal with you stinking the place out. Its horrible and I bet he still expects sex doesnt he?

knittingaddict · 08/01/2021 20:13

@CrotchBurn

I never understand this because to me a shower is an absolute pleasure, something to look forward to.

If hes otherwise happy and cheery then clearly it's just laziness and you need to be direct. This is so awkward though.

Really, I hate showering. I do it because I'm not a grubby person, but I don't enjoy them. A bath? Now that's a different story, but only in the winter.
CrotchBurn · 08/01/2021 20:14

@knittingaddict
Seriously! I love the flowing water, the bathroom needs to be warm though. Baths frustrate me!

IEat · 08/01/2021 20:16

Have a bath together?

SunKeepsShining · 08/01/2021 20:17

2 weeks is beyond disgusting.
If you want to, start a new thread with a new username and show him all these responses. Unless you’re not worried about him knowing your user name.

OPs DH if you’re reading this, it’s grim. Shower at least every other day minimum. Honestly: you’d be slowly sacked in work if it was like this.

Dropdeadfred2 · 08/01/2021 20:17

@IEat

Have a bath together?
But not until he has had a shower!!
Poppingnostopping · 08/01/2021 20:18

I'm really up front about hygeine and expect my family to be the same to me! So if anyone is a bit whiffy, which isn't very often, I'd say 'I think you need a shower' and if they didn't take one immediately I'd say 'I don't want to be mean, but you smell' or 'you are a bit smelly'. Same with the teens, they are mostly absolutely fine but sometimes have a day or two lounging around and don't realise, or left their deodorant off by accident. I don't think it's fine or fair to be smelly and unhygienic to your partner. The odd day skipped if you are ill or tired, fair enough, I wouldn't be mean about that, but anything else- blunt statement of your feelings and the consequences is fine, you smell, I really don't like that and it's putting me off wanting a snuggle, sorry!

Sassysally12 · 08/01/2021 20:20

Oh god, there’s no way to get round this if he’s not listening to your hints. I would just walk in the room and say “ you really need a shower” as if to say you notice it. When you smell his bad breath I would say have you brushed your teeth today? If he says no ask why? This isn’t okay. I know you love him but this is the sort of thing that makes people get the ick very fast. Also when your child is it school you don’t want him to be the smelly parent etc, it’s embarrassing for your child too. I hope he’s not depressed etc and that it is just lack of routine at the minute

Nancylovesthecock · 08/01/2021 20:22

I bloody hate showers too. You get cold and wet and then all the hair everywhere and drying yourself before you get cold 😟

I still do it though because I'm not a grubby tramp.

mumwon · 08/01/2021 20:22

did you know if you don't clean your teeth twice a day they will fall out?
or
where do you want to sleep tonight? shed, garage or tent?
or
accidentally fall over & drop something sticky all over him so he has to wash it off
or just bluntly tell him "you stink"

BIWI · 08/01/2021 20:25

Just tell him?

Why is it so hard to say to someone that they smell/have bad breath?

Why are you worried about 'being unkind'?

FFS.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/01/2021 20:25

I’m doing that turtle thing, where I retract into my neck. I can smell him from here. And 2 words: foreskin cheese. Ewwwww.

Show him the thread op.

parado · 08/01/2021 20:27

Gosh, that’s so disrespectful, you shouldn’t have to put up with it

rwalker · 08/01/2021 20:28

There no need for hints or ploys to get him in the bath.
just tell him outright he smells.

KatharinaRosalie · 08/01/2021 20:28

2 weeks is grim and his mouth must be stinking to high heaven too. Stop hinting and tell him that you can smell him from other end of the room and working from home does not mean we need to relax basic hygiene standards.

angelaEhen · 08/01/2021 20:29

That sounds horrible to live with. I think just tell him straight but kindly, you would be doing him a favour.
Just say I'm really sorry to say this and I love you but its really difficult to be around you your body odor is so strong, you need to shower everyday please

UrAWizHarry · 08/01/2021 20:30

Walk up to him.

"You fucking stink. Have a shower and clean your teeth".

Job done.

TerribleCustomerCervix · 08/01/2021 20:31

I would be furious at his entitlement to share a bed, or even a house, with me when he smells like a pair of dirty pants.

Can he not understand how unpleasant it must be for you?

Sometimes DH can be a bit whiffy if he hasn’t had his morning shower. I just come straight out with it and tell him politely that he needs a wash, and to his credit he always does immediately.

I don’t understand not being able to be upfront in a long term relationship.

Cailinrua1979 · 08/01/2021 20:32

@FrankButchersDickieBow

Tell the smelly cunt to brush his yellow teeth and scrub his bollocks.

🤣🤣

😂😂😂
Bitbusyattheminute · 08/01/2021 20:33

Are there lots of men like this out there? Or are they just on mumsnet? I've seen this complaint on here before and I just don't get how anyone over the age of 13 can live like this.

Glitteryone · 08/01/2021 20:33

I honestly don’t know how you’re being so relaxed and kind about it.

I wouldn’t put up with this for anything or anyone.

BIWI · 08/01/2021 20:33

Why are so many of you being so apologetic about this?

Just tell him that he smells and has bad breath! No need to tiptoe around it.

Claricestarling1 · 08/01/2021 20:34

My god how revolting 🤢

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