He wants a baby but not marriage (yet)

[Dancingone321]

We've been together for 3 years and lived together pretty much the whole time. Its always felt totally right and everything fell into place. He has two kids from 2 women (8&5). Now I've always said I wanted kids and he was fine with that. I felt ready much earlier but he's said he's now ready and wants to try. But one of my biggest things is that he says he doesn't want to get married yet. I said about going to the registry office and having something sent and simple because I don't want a big day and tbh we wouldn't be able to afford to save for a big white wedding. If rather save that money to have a baby as we have both agreed we don't want an even bigger gap between our baby and his eldest. He says its just a piece of paper and that he doesnt want to have to do it cheap but I feel like if he can't commit to marriage then how can he happily have a child with me? We don't own our home or anything or make loads more than each other everything we own we both paid for its not like if we divorced id be taking away his stuff I just dont get it and don't know what to do 😭

He's not a man anyone should marry - he's happy being a Baby Father. Just knocks up his girlfriends, and then move on

23 and looking to create child number 3? And you see future with him? I feel so sorry for some kids. They are being let down by their parents before they are even born

Okay, my take is your hormones are screaming "get pregnant now!". Mine did in my early 20s. Absolutely the worst thing I could have done then was get pregnant. So I didn't. I used my brain to do the right thing by me and any future child. Tell your raging hormones and this loser to fuck off. Really, give your head a wobble in the cold light of day. Have a wank instead of fucking some guy who's too young for this shit anyway, and fucking your life up in the process.

Don’t be a mug. He doesn’t want to marry you because he KNOWS it will stop him from doing what he has done previously

your hormones are screaming "get pregnant now!". Mine did in my early 20s. Absolutely the worst thing I could have done then was get pregnant. So I didn't. I used my brain to do the right thing by me and any future child.

Put that on a T-shirt, will you? It's something so many very young women need to hear. Again and again and again until it sinks in.

He had 2 kids with different mothers by 18. That's not great is it.

In the kindest way possible, you really need to start opening your eyes.

This will be the biggest mistake of your life.

He sounds grim.

I would not choose to have a child with a man that was not willing to get married first. Not because of the "sanctity of marriage" or anything, but because he can't just easily walk away. More often, it's mothers that are left with the majority of the physical, financial & emotional responsibility for their DCs after relationships fail. At least marriage protects you a bit against that. Plus it's just harder for them to leave & there's more stigma versus leaving an informal relationship.

However this man doesn't sound like catch of the day. Why is he resistant to marriage? Not wanting to get married cheaply is a bullshit reason, TBH. He's got 2 DCs & wants another? Who's going to pay for it? Unless he's a high earner or expecting a large inheritance, doesn't add up.

Absolutely do not get pregnant by this man. 23 and planning a 3rd by 3rd woman! Run run run.
Bad choice woman.
You are correct about no marriage no baby btw you have some sense so not all is lost.
Tell him you will consider it in 10 years when he has a decent job a mortgage and are married!

He says its just a piece of paper and that he doesnt want to have to do it cheap

Which is it then? Because that is a contradiction. How old are you? What’s he? 23/24?

What’s your job op and your career goals? Do you own a house?

What is his job? What are his career goals?

Your boyfriend is simply a serial impregnator. The fact that he has two children by two different women should have you thinking twice about being in a relationship with him in the first place, has it ever occurred to you that he may have said the exact same things to the mothers of his two kids about marriage and then once the babys come along the relationship HAS to end before she gets the ring and then he can go to find himself another cheap surrogate.

If he didn't marry his two baby mothers why would he marry you? All three of you have something in common-HIM. And he's just about to lay the final trap before putting you on his shelf of conquests. If you havent already or you're still together-DO NOT CONCEIVE WITH THIS MAN HE'S DYSFUNCTIONAL AND UNSTABLE!

@80sPrincess now that you've slated the bloke ( u OK hun?) perhaps actually read the full thread and see that he's the one using protection and the OP desperate for a child whilst still at college. Then also maybes realise its from over 2 years ago?

Why would you ??

As I have told all my daughters - four of them ... if he doesn't live you enough to marry you he certainly is t good enough to be a father .. end of ...

3 are married to fantastic men and consequently brilliant and engaged fathers ..the fourth says she doesn't need a 'piece of paper ' ... she is sadly misinformed.. I thank God every day she isn't expecting..

No it's NOT !!

A man can skip off owing nothing big child support if he meets someone he fancied more !!

Because he didn't take a deep in salary through maternity he has MUCH more in his pension that YOU have no claim on ... wake up and smell the coffee

Zombie thread. OP hasn't posted in over two years.

You know the answer already. He doesn’t want commitment with you.

Why would you knowingly short change yourself?

Open your eyes 💐

I know this is a zombie but I'd love an update.

You think if a 23 year old woman who has 2 kids by two different men, came on here and said she was planning her 3rd, she would get nothing but support?! My god, the poor Menz worriers live on another planet sometimes.