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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He dumped me and I sent begging texts ..what now?

129 replies

frostytheshowman · 07/01/2021 19:34

My boyfriend of 2 years dumped me.
He told me he met someone else,he has been texting her for months.
He did it by text.
Only after being distant and not coming over.
He stopped answering my calls and replying to my texts.
I sent him a long message asking why ? And how long ?
No reply
I sent another no reply
I sent another asking for a explanation telling him how hurt I was and just asking for a reason
No reply
Then he sent me a picture of a bunny and a pot and a laughing emoji
Then I sent another saying "I don't understand why you are being so cruel,I just wanted answers and you haven't even got the decency to do that.
No reply
How do I get some self respect back?
Make myself appear less crazy ?
Have I made a show of myself ?

OP posts:
Original poster
frostytheshowman · 07/01/2021 22:21

That's what I did.
I put everything into a text as he wouldn't answer his phone.
I rang him and he ignored it (he was on WhatsApp at the time )
So I text him and he read and ignored
The one that got me was
"Please put your time into something else now,that's all there is to say "
Then came the ignoring and bunny boiler.
He didn't answer anything just those replies.

OP posts:
UrsulaVdL · 07/01/2021 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluntness100 · 07/01/2021 22:30

Please put your time into something else now,that's all there is to say

That’s harsh but it’s fair to be honest. He is right. As hard as it is, you need to not text him any more now. No good can come of it. It’s done. And it wasn’t done well. He was cruel and cowardly to do it over text. But you know why, he has met someone else. That’s all you need to know. 💐

Wanderlusto · 07/01/2021 22:36

People keep saying it's because he has 'met someone else' but it not, it's because he is a wanker. If he has met someone else, it's really just the topping on the 'I'm a cunt' cake.

HopeYourHighHorseBucks · 07/01/2021 22:37

That's what I did.
I put everything into a text as he wouldn't answer his phone.

Most people would and have done this. Im yet to meet someone who has been dumped or cheated on and just takes it on the chin and says ok. There is always a discussion as to why, when did things change. That's standard IMO. You are not strange, regardless if you would even want to be with someone so cruel, you would still want some sort of explanation. Obviously you arent going to get that from him so I wouldnt try contacting him again.

If it was easy as "ok you're done now bye" there would be less arguing, quick and easy divorces and less heartbroken people in the world.

Oopsyouvedoneitagain · 07/01/2021 22:39

Your texts weren’t pathetic. You’re a normal decent human being, he is not. You are well rid.

Delete, block, cry and then move on with your life. Best revenge is to realise (and you will with time) how little you miss him.

HollowTalk · 07/01/2021 22:46

You made the mistake of thinking he was a normal, decent man. You were mistaken. Leave him to his new relationship - he'll treat her just the same. Make sure you don't fall for his crying when that relationship fails.

ilhahih · 07/01/2021 23:13

He's a mega prick.
You asked for an explanation. Nothing wrong with that.

But now you need to block him on everything so there is no temptation to message him.
That's it. It's over.
And then give yourself time to heal.
Having him blocked means he can't get to you at all when things end up not being so rosy with her and he starts messaging you again.

Lora88 · 07/01/2021 23:19

Oh I’ve been There believe me I was so hurt after 7 years but I picked myself up and stopped texting , it was hard I was heartbroken and cried myself to sleep many nights , I found a new focus which was joining the gym , I lost 2 stone and I looked great after about 3 months of separating which gave me a feeling of power. As soon as I stopped texting him after a month he started finding excuses to text me and eventually he was begging for me back . Be kind to yourself , you’ll start to heel and he sounds horrible xx

gutful · 08/01/2021 03:17

Hey we’ve all been there. It’s OK just draw a line from today & decide you’re NC now.

So it doesn’t matter if he is currently sat there believing he has 2 women fighting over him. He doesn’t realise yet that he has lost you & if he reaches out, you will have blocked him.

Just make it to 24hrs, 48, then 72 - by day 3 you will feel totally different & have had a gap of a few days, which will be a great start.

How many people can say they haven’t felt like a fool wanting answers - but if he doesn’t care enough to explain he isn’t worth your time. Closure comes from working. His non-responsive answer IS the answer.

Best xo

gutful · 08/01/2021 03:18

Whoops meant to say closure comes from within not from working Blush

Though if you can throw yourself into work, that’s always good too Grin

Calmondeck · 08/01/2021 04:14

I once had it said to me, “perhaps one of the hardest things in life is not having important questions answered and working out how to move forward with questions and no answers”. OP it is completely normal to feel this way. Better to have asked and not received the answers instead of regretting that you didn’t take the opportunity to ask and imagining that he would’ve responded. His silence and immaturity has given you your answers.

MLM268 · 08/01/2021 08:20

Oh, how I've been there and my messages were way worse! I cringe thinking about them now. But what I can say, even if he answered the questions, even if he told you the truth, would it make you feel better? What will make you feel better, is blocking him from everything. You are in control of that, not him. And the likelihood is when you stop begging him, he'll coming running back to you and hopefully you'll be in a better place and be able to tell him to fuck himself. Massive virtual hug, it will get better Flowers.

Lovelydiscusfish · 08/01/2021 08:33

There is NOTHING crazy about you. Nor are you a bunny boiler! I broke into my ex’s house at one point when he dumped me horrendously - THAT’S a bunny boiler! (There was actually a justifying context, but still).

No way would I just take a dumping over text after a two year relationship as fine - I would be furious!

And who cares if he thinks you’re crazy. If he does he’s even more of an absolute wanker, if that were possible......

You might consider getting out there and dating? I know the prescribed wisdom is that one is meant to spend time alone recovering from a relationship, but personally I always recover better if I get back on the horse. Love a rebound fling, me.....

independent98 · 08/01/2021 08:36

Delete his number, block and go NO CONTACT. Do not text, call or respond to his messages under any circumstances.

Change your number if need be.
Do not give him any more energy
I know it is hard but you need to step back and heal yourself.
He did a cowards move by texting to end the relationship

RealisticSketch · 08/01/2021 08:42

He spent two years enjoying your company etc and all he can be arsed with is to spam the door in your face. Wow. He is a prize - well whoever has him now, good luck to her - I'm feeling sorry for her already!
You asked him what you had done to make him treat you badly - u can answer that one on his behalf for you - 'you did nothing wrong, I am capable of treating people like flesh rubbish to be doing in the bin, my utter lack of empathy was inbuilt in me long before you came on the scene and it was only a matter of time before I got bored and discarded you for something novel because I don't truly value anyone, people who can behave like me are only able to do the exciting first but of a relationship, we are shallow, it was never going to last and it was always going to end painfully because I don't handle people I've moved in from carefully.

Branleuse · 08/01/2021 08:44

Youre not pathetic he is.

RealisticSketch · 08/01/2021 08:45

Omg I did not check for autocorrect errors there. Hope you can decipher. 😆

Original poster
frostytheshowman · 08/01/2021 10:41

Thanks guys feel a bit better today.
I really hope one day he pops up and I can tell him where to go.
That would give me great satisfaction

OP posts:
timetest · 08/01/2021 11:40

I’m glad you’re feeling a bit better. After 2 years you were quite entitled to a proper explanation and certainly more than a couple of offhand texts. He’s sounds throughly awful and you will be better off without him.

RealisticSketch · 08/01/2021 11:42

Glad you are feeling a little better. I like your username btw.

KittyWindbag · 08/01/2021 12:05

Please please please don’t think you were being pathetic or needy. You expected him to be an adult and reacted in shock and hurt surprise. It is his behavior that is pathetic and frankly disgusting. Block, delete, don’t waste a second more of your time on him. He isn’t worthy.

Rainbowandscarlett · 08/01/2021 12:54

I had the exact same thing happen to me
He then went round telling everyone/showing them my texts as some sort of ‘proof’ I was indeed a bunny boiler (I’m really not)
He came up on my timehop today and I’m with a man who not only understands my batty ways and loves me anyway,he is stuck love bombing women and doing the same to them that he did to me
I don’t see him coming creeping back (he wouldn’t be able to find me as I moved away years later) but he might try to hunt me down on social media
It hurt like hell-but I’m much happier now-and so will you
One day this will be a funny story to tell your partner/husband and you won’t care
Time is a healer-and you’ve done nothing wrong
Take care of yourself,be kind to you and one day-I promise,you’ll pity him

notinthiseconomy · 08/01/2021 12:56

Are you the same OP from the other day? Has he gone back to his ex?

Instamaticgreenery · 08/01/2021 23:04

No more contact. I'm sorry this has happened. If it helps, I literally wrote my ex long love letters, two sides of A4 paper and stuck them to his fridge. My only consolation is that he cared so little about me they will have been binned! It's ok, just look after yourself and move on, he's not worth another thought.

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