Strange experience with guy I'm seeing...need advice

[SpaceCat83]

So I have been seeing a guy for a short while. We've been supporting each other as we are both alone pretty much all the time due to the pandemic and we started as friends but have got closer. I have some misgivings as he is just 28 and I'm 37. But hes mature and seemed really kind and sweet. Hes a high functioning autism man who also has ADHD but it's hard to tell. Everything seemed fine until last night.
We decided to have a couple of drinks. I ended up hardly having any as I felt tired. He however started drinking vodka and got through most of the bottle. He doesn't usually drink much.
I was trying to sleep but he was obviously really drunk and kept staggering around and talking loudly. He then decided to order food. It was 1am! He was downstairs on the phone and I could hear him shouting at the people in the phone from the takeaway. He was pretty much incoherent and they must have said they weren't delivering. He was demanding to speak to the manager and I could hear him falling around.
I got really freaked out and uncomfortable. So I told him I was leaving. He didn't want me to and seemed mad. I just said I felt on edge and needed to be alone.
I left and when I got home he texted saying he was only drinking cos I wanted to...he then sent more messages but he unsent them so I didnt see what they said.
Today he is asking for forgiveness saying he cant remember and he hopes he hasnt ruined things. But its really put me off. I am 6 months out of an abusive relationship with an alcoholic and he behaved horribly in drink too. So I'm very wary and not even sure I'm ready for a new relationship but I was seeing how things went.
Do you think this is a massive red flag or should I give him another chance?

Yeah that would be me out.

Yeah I feel really weird about it.

Yeah, once would be enough for me.

Yeah, I'm not sure I would be sticking around to see whether it was a one-off. I really don't like the fact that he tried to pin the blame for his drinking too much on you, either.

Red flag. Don't go from one abusive alcoholic to another. You don't say what size the vodka bottle was but one person drinking all of it to a level where they are incoherent isn't healthy.

Cut your ties now. Better to know this early than down the line.

Yes that seemed strange to me. I didnt force him to drink three quarters of a bottle of vodka. I even took it off him to make him stop. I have a drink sometimes but not to that extent. I felt so uncomfortable.

Nope, you bail now.

I think, given your past relationship, you'd be better ending it now, before you are even more attached to him.

Does he know about your ex?

It was a 70cl bottle I think. He doesn't seem to drink to excess generally and he says he wont again. But I've heard that before.
The other times I've been with him he didnt drink at all.

He does know about my ex.

Massive red flag. Ditch.

Nope definitely not. I spent an evening with a newish man who drank too much and crashed out on my settee. I couldn’t wake him up in the morning and I wanted him gone. When I told him the next day I didn’t want to see him again he got really nasty. I say alarm bells.

I get freaked out when I'm around someone who isn't in control of themselves. Definitely felt that way last night. I know he really likes me but I worry now if this is what he can be like.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them x

That is very true. I always try to remember that but I'm also very forgiving:(
He was being awful on the phone to the takeaway. Demanding to speak to someone fluent in English and saying how much will fifteen quid get me etc
Ugh
I was just laid upstairs listening and thought right I'll get my coat.
Left my bag there too so going to get it later. My friend is taking me so I wont have to stick around.

I was with an alcoholic too, then bizarrely met another. He went to buy 8 cans on our first date and drunk them all in a few hours. I wish I left then but gave it a couple more dates. Just leave now.

I'm pretty sure hes not an alcoholic but I really didnt like how he behaved. I know everyone can have too much sometimes but its just made me feel really icky about him now.
In other ways he seems the opposite of my ex he doesn't seem to have vices like that but guess that doesn't excuse that behaviour.

No, it's not worth continuing. If you want to be kind you could say to him that it would be better for him not to drink at all, given the lack of control and his anger when he does drink like that, but I'd say that from the safety of my own home.

As someone who has been in a relationship with an alcoholic then anything like this doesn't get a second chance with me.

Google adhd & drink/drugs. I have adhd, don't drink, etc but if you have adhd, controlling things is harder & it's very common to have co-morbid issues.

I must admit I'd be giving him a swerve...

I'd be out.

All else aside, you've always got to look after your physical safety as a woman. And being in a house with a man who cant handle his drink and is giving someone a tirade of abuse down the phone...not safe. I wouldnt want to be with someone who does this.

He definitely has some mental health issues, it's how we got talking in the first place really.
There was no need to drink to excess like that it was cringeworthy.
I will have a Google of ADHD and drinking...
He says he wont do it again but I feel like it's just put me right off him now.

I agree. I didnt feel safe to be honest. He was angry about me leaving too I think. I had a bottle of wine I hadnt drank and he was like, here take that with you..

I wonder if he gave adhd/autism as a sorta preemptive excuse for his bad behaviour. Especially if it was only brought up when you were questioning his questionable behaviour. It's common for abusive sorts to claim things like depression...so that you'll feel guilty for pulling them up on their shit. So this could be similar.