Does he sound like a psychopath?

[SavannahSums]

So my significant other has been exhibiting some strange...outlooks. I know we can’t diagnose anyone, but I’m looking for opinions because I sense that something isn’t quite right.

First example: We were watching the show Deadliest Catch and they were sharing the story of 5 men who lost their lives at sea, including a father and his son. I felt emotional about it, almost in tears imagining how truly horrendous that must have been for them. Suddenly he said, “Do you think the dad watched his son die or the son watched his dad?” And when I turned to look at him in shock, he was grinning.
He seems to have this idea that if you don’t know the people who have died or been hurt...why should you care. He reacts that way whenever the subject of 9/11 comes up and I feel heartbroken for those people.

Second example: My father took his own life in 2019. I have been devastated. One day he made a joke about how suicide is “funny.” I can only assume that he knew this would knife me in the gut. And I just don’t understand who could say such a thing! I told him that in no way is it funny. He simply said, “I disagree.”

Third example: Once, after watching a crime documentary, we started speaking about punishment for pedophiles and other sexual offenders. I expressed my view that punishment should be as harsh as possible, that they should have no right to privacy after such despicable crimes. ...He said he feels that they still deserve privacy and should be treated well by the system.

I don’t know, I’m confused. There are more examples. I’ve never seen this man cry or be truly emotional.

Let me just explain a little more. I have PTSD and I don’t know if that is causing me to overreact about this. Like perhaps, even if we aren’t right for each other, perhaps he just has his own sense of humor and opinions and I’m too outspoken about my own. I just don’t know.

He definitely sounds like he lacks empathy.

I'm glad to see you're considering that you're not right for each other. I'd say that's more important than a diagnosis.

My first thought is that he's doing it deliberately to get a reaction from you.

Whatever his issues he doesn't sound like a good match for you.

Throw him back and revaluate.

Whether he is or he isn't a psychopath, he's probably not the right person for you, that's all that matters.

Raise your standards, expect more. Love yourself 1st. xx

The lack of empathy is worrying. I'd be uneasy OP

Oh god he sounds horrendous. It would be enough to put me on ever having children with a man like that.

*off

He doesn't sound quite right to me. Could kind of understand lack of empathy from, say, a teenager but not a mature adult. Its a bit strange.
Good luck with your PTSD op. I'm battling with that and some days I seem overcome with paranoia, but on this occasion I don't think you are just being paranoid, its odd.

Once, after watching a crime documentary, we started speaking about punishment for pedophiles and other sexual offenders. I expressed my view that punishment should be as harsh as possible, that they should have no right to privacy after such despicable crimes. ...He said he feels that they still deserve privacy and should be treated well by the system.

I agree with him there, tbh, but the other examples you give make me think this is not a man I would be comfortable being in a relationship with.

Do you think if you are suffering from ptsd you possibly have an emotional overreaction to things, too much empathy if you like and he is purposely underreacting and / or being provocative as a reaction to you? He doesn’t sound pleasant, have you been getting on well?

I also thought it sounds like he's trying to get a reaction, it was the grinning part you mention. So you could ask yourself what kind of a person gets off on that?

Yeah he sounds like a fkg psycho.

Quite disturbing, those things he's said.

Well spotted, I'd get rid.
Wouldn't like you to hang around to see what he could do to you.

Those comments don’t sound like your DP is a good or kind man - time to re evaluate the relationship?

I also thought it sounds like he's trying to get a reaction, it was the grinning part you mention. So you could ask yourself what kind of a person gets off on that?

Yeah this is the best case scenario, and still means he's a maladjusted individual.

Your father took his own life and your dp grins and makes jokes about suicide being funny?

OMG - that is truly awful and more than enough reason to dump him.

Ever done a domestic violence disclosure or search for any record of him re criminality?

Hm. Not a doctor or psychologist, so I can't diagnose. But no, I wouldn't have thought he was. However, you do seem to differ significantly from each other on some pretty basic stuff. And he certainly doesn't sound kind.

So maybe you're legitimately questioning whether you want to remain in this relationship.

Your example one -- that's just a variance in emotional responses, albeit a somewhat extreme one in his case (possibly done for show). You show lots of empathy, he shows little or none. Having said that, my response would be closer to his than to yours, for example. I wouldn't joke about who watched who die, but I wouldn't get upset about people I didn't know either. And I'm definitely not a psychopath!

Example two -- that's exceptionally cruel on his part, without a shadow of a doubt.

Example three that feels like a difference of opinion rather than a lack of empathy. Again, on this one in particular I would be where he is I believe in rehabilitation (which does not necessarily mean preparing someone for release) over harshness of punishment.

Overall, my gut says that he's not especially happy in the relationship, and is goading you in an attempt to get you to break up with him.

they still deserve privacy

Their privacy just means it's much easier for them to re-offend around unaware parents.

CSA perpetrators and tend to be repeat and long-term offenders. You generally cannot rehabilitate them.

But he was grinning to himself, not for a reaction, OP happened to turn and see.

Psychopath or not, he's not right. I'd ditch him.

I think, too, it's possible to hear, "he's not right for you," as "you're over-sensitive," so you hold out for "yes, he's a psychopath," because it's clearer then that the problem is with him rather than you. This is especially likely if he likes to tell you you're the problem in the relationship.

Actually, the most freeing thing to do is say, "yeah you're right, I'm the problem - best end this then!" And walk away with your head held high.

Anyway, even if posters are reluctant to call him a psychopath, we can all see that he's unpleasant. Joking/heartless comments about suicide to someone with recent devastating experience? Run for the hills! Definite dumpable offence right there.

Saying suicide is funny when your father took his own life is really hurtful and just...weird. Sorry for your loss OP. Have you been together long?

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?.

What do your family and friends make of this man?. Is he all sweetness and light to them?.

I would make plans to leave this relationship asap. How can you be helped into leaving this person?. I think you were targeted by this man and deliberately so as well.

His long have you been together? Do you know his full history and background?
Sounds like your a mismatch to each other.

The comment about suicide being funny was sadistic.