Does he sound like a psychopath?

[SavannahSums]

So my significant other has been exhibiting some strange...outlooks. I know we can’t diagnose anyone, but I’m looking for opinions because I sense that something isn’t quite right.

First example: We were watching the show Deadliest Catch and they were sharing the story of 5 men who lost their lives at sea, including a father and his son. I felt emotional about it, almost in tears imagining how truly horrendous that must have been for them. Suddenly he said, “Do you think the dad watched his son die or the son watched his dad?” And when I turned to look at him in shock, he was grinning.
He seems to have this idea that if you don’t know the people who have died or been hurt...why should you care. He reacts that way whenever the subject of 9/11 comes up and I feel heartbroken for those people.

Second example: My father took his own life in 2019. I have been devastated. One day he made a joke about how suicide is “funny.” I can only assume that he knew this would knife me in the gut. And I just don’t understand who could say such a thing! I told him that in no way is it funny. He simply said, “I disagree.”

Third example: Once, after watching a crime documentary, we started speaking about punishment for pedophiles and other sexual offenders. I expressed my view that punishment should be as harsh as possible, that they should have no right to privacy after such despicable crimes. ...He said he feels that they still deserve privacy and should be treated well by the system.

I don’t know, I’m confused. There are more examples. I’ve never seen this man cry or be truly emotional.

I wouldn't joke about who watched who die, but I wouldn't get upset about people I didn't know either. And I'm definitely not a psychopath!

But you've just said you wouldn't do/say what he did/said; so what would it matter if you were or not?

Op didn't say she thinks he could be a psychopath because he didn't get upset, but because on top of not getting upset, he said something ... Extremely cruel, sadistic, a bit sick really.

Funny how two of us in a row have used the word sadistic ... He does sound like a sadist.

That's why I'd worry for you op and advise to hoof him.

TBH I think the comment re suicide is a deal breaker in itself.

I wouldn’t grin at the death of others but equally I don’t necessarily feel the need to get upset over the loss of people I didn’t know.

Equally my view on offenders is closer to his than yours. Your response is an emotional one rather than a realistic one, and whether we like it or not, the criminal justice system is supposed to be restorative not punitive, even if we feel that certain criminals cannot be rehabilitated.

But at the end of the day this relationship isn’t working for you so you don’t need permission to end it.

@Sandals19

Ever done a domestic violence disclosure or search for any record of him re criminality?

I have tried to do searches for that and haven’t found anything. He has told me that when he was a teenager he did try stealing from stores to see what he could “get away with” and also that when he was drinking he’d go around damaging peoples’ vehicles.

If he's a psychopath he will probably do/be a lot of the following

• be super charming when he wants. And an arsehole when he doesn't
• be a compulsive liar and very devious
• be fiscally dishonest. Happy to steal if he won't get caught.
• enjoy fucking with people to get a reaction, think arguing black is white, setting people up to fail. Setting people against each other. The drama makes them feel alive
• get bored very easily
• be cruel to animals though many avoid animals so you might not know. Probably not a loving dog owner though!
• be incredibly selfish and ruthless
• not be scared of anything or get stressed much. Angry yes, upset no.
• only nice to people who are useful to him. Drops them like a hot potato when they can no longer do anything for him.

They can be great at masking these things and many some can live normal lives if their childhood was very good.

But a lot of people find hysteria brings out a colder side of them. When lady Di died (showing my age!) I just couldn't understand all the sobbing. I actually found it quite off putting and was less sympathetic than usual. And I am NOT a psychopath. He might find your emotional displays too much? Though I wouldn't fucking be grinning over people dying. That's just sick.

Hope you don't live with him. I would end it for the suicide opinion alone.

I actually agree with him when he said that he disagrees with you. He is a adult who is entitled to have their own reactions and to not agree with yours.

I also agree with him that a punishment should be within the legal system of this country, no matter what I or you personally feel about the crime.

I have no idea why you should feel 'heartbroken' for victims of 9/11 - there are people dying in appalling wars EVERY DAY. People dying from appalling abuse and starvation and neglect and all sorts of things. People dying in your street perhaps. Why aren't you heartbroken for them? It is a tragedy and it is wrong, sure, but 'heartbroken'??

@EpochTime

My first thought is that he's doing it deliberately to get a reaction from you.

i thought that too and it is very immature, like small boys 'enjoying' gory things. I doubt he really means it but he is a grown man and should have learned by now that is not the way to speak about sensitive issues.

What does your gut tell you about this relationship and any future in it? When things get tough, how will he support you? Will he be there for you in your recovery?

I have PTSD, I trust my partner completely. He would know not to make jokes about things that upset me (he wouldn't want to) and always comforts me when I cry (even if it's at ads on TV, those poor donkeys!).

Is there anything else that doesn't sit right with you? Do you feel safe?

@Haffiana

Well, you seem highly argumentative. There must be some issues in your life that need tending to.

For your information, I feel heartbroken for every innocent person who has faced tragedy, been hurt or killed. Not just the select few I mentioned. That’s the way my heart works.

Also, my opinions on sex offenders facing punishment are that said punishments should be within the legal system of a country. I didn’t suggest a public hanging! What I believe is that such people are predators, who likely cannot be rehabilitated, and should not fall through gaps allowing them to run around freely and abuse more people.

Why are you bothering trying to diagnose him? Do you think you can fix him?

Psychopath, sociopath, whatever. He's a callous arsehole. Get rid of him. The comment about suicide should have been enough to dump him.

[quote SavannahSums]@Haffiana

Well, you seem highly argumentative. There must be some issues in your life that need tending to.

For your information, I feel heartbroken for every innocent person who has faced tragedy, been hurt or killed. Not just the select few I mentioned. That’s the way my heart works.

Also, my opinions on sex offenders facing punishment are that said punishments should be within the legal system of a country. I didn’t suggest a public hanging! What I believe is that such people are predators, who likely cannot be rehabilitated, and should not fall through gaps allowing them to run around freely and abuse more people.[/quote]
Can you understand that the 'way your heart works' is not necessarily the only way? I find it to be 'heartbroken' about every innocent person etc etc.

This is at the crux of your problem. He is not you, and he reacts differently from you. That doesn't make him wrong and certainly does not make him a psychopath.

Also - you find me 'highly argumentative'. We simply have different views. I am not arguing, I just do not agree with you and I have told you so.

Do you have this problem with everyone who has different views to you?

There is a pattern here.

@Sandals19

I wouldn't joke about who watched who die, but I wouldn't get upset about people I didn't know either. And I'm definitely not a psychopath!

But you've just said you wouldn't do/say what he did/said; so what would it matter if you were or not?

Op didn't say she thinks he could be a psychopath because he didn't get upset, but because on top of not getting upset, he said something ... Extremely cruel, sadistic, a bit sick really.

Don't take a pop at me. I've simply said that not everyone sits around sobbing and heartbroken over every death of a stranger. The OP seems to feel that it makes him a heartless person. many people myself included become less sympathetic in the face of it because actually to me it feels self serving and virtue signalling in the face of all of the actual shit going on everywhere.

I'm not disagreeing with your sacred opinion or telling her to stay ffs. And unlike you I have had experience with psychopaths and know that labelling people with a personality disorder because of some things he did in a very narrow range of experiences doesn't serve the OP.

I think that one was meant for me @Myshinynewname2021 (it looks like part of my post quoted)

Also OP another big red flag is going from job to job because they always fall out with their boss.
Many don't like taking orders though and hate not having power. Though there are quite a few in the police and military because I guess they have some power over others. Usually though power comes into it somewhere in their working life.

Many are considered nice guys. Usually it's only women who pick up somethings not right, men just think because they are good to have a drink with and talk football they are great guys 😁

I don't see an issue with his comments but if it bothers you, leave him. Your personalities are clearly not compatible with each other.

If he makes you uncomfortable enough to post about it here then you should re-think the relationship! You don't sound like a good match if his behavior worries you.

Oh I see! My apologies @Sandals19 I though it was quoting me (and was a bit confused as to why tbh) as I said something similar! Walking my dog and reading 😁

Also Op if he ticks those boxes I posted (and trust me it's usually very subtle - they have great masks) be aware that they despise weakness and it will bring out the worst in them. So if you suspect he is then be VERY discreet about arrangements to leave and in the meantime don't ask for emotional support - act like you are strong and unconcerned. And ffs check the money very carefully and ensure yours is safe.

I'm in agreement with @Myshinynewname2021. My question is - are they frightened or concerned about anything? Is loss of status concerning to them or it is all about aligning everything to what's in it for them? (I am currently in a bit of a negotiation with one who ticks all your boxes) apart from any known animal cruelty..

@SavannahSums - If you are uncomfortable - as you own ' insurance' - make discrete plans to leave. Or become a bit boring - so he turns his attentions elsewhere.. Consider when in doubt - 'actions speak louder than words' does he do one thing rather than what he will say he will do?

Easily bored... he may be a high flyer so consider the phase "what's in it for me?" ie why does he do what he does?
Does he treat people badly who he regards as inferior in some way to him? (social status or standing?)
Have you ever watched him telling a lie or caught him in one - if you hadn't have known, would you have? Is he great in a crisis? Does he have oddles of charm..
Be mindful - do you ever feel that something isn't right or a situation doesn't feel quite right?

Anyone who can laugh or mock you over the tragic death of your father OP is not worth the day from you. Forget diagnosing what is wrong with him - he is not a nice person, and I hope you find you can do better. Also that your PTSD gets treated and you feel better soon.

Op ignore Haffiana.

Both her/his posts are cringe.

I inferred you were disturbed by any loss of life like 9 11; I don't know what sort of person would assume you didn't and go off on one about it, ridiculous.

Followed by trying to gas light you that you've the one with the problem; there's s pattern ... Yeah there's also a pattern of posters attacking ops and picking fights on this forum (and list, of imagine).

I don't know what he's nasty, that's for fucking sure. There's something not quite right in the pigeon loft. I'd get rid.

"and most

Why are you bothering trying to diagnose him? Do you think you can fix him?

Psychopath, sociopath, whatever. He's a callous arsehole. Get rid of him. The comment about suicide should have been enough to dump him.

^THIS!!!^^

Why are you wasting head-space on somebody like this?

Hi OP I don't think it matters whether he's a psychopath or not, he sounds horrible, and cruel. He won't get better over time x

Didn't the TV program 'Luther' give us the key to diagnosing this?
Trying yawning where he can see you... if he doesnt' yawn back, then he is a psycopath! (So Luther says :) )

Really though - he does not sound a match for you. He either doesn't understand your feelings or doesn't care about them. Could you live with him if this is always to be the case?