Does he sound like a psychopath?

[SavannahSums]

So my significant other has been exhibiting some strange...outlooks. I know we can’t diagnose anyone, but I’m looking for opinions because I sense that something isn’t quite right.

First example: We were watching the show Deadliest Catch and they were sharing the story of 5 men who lost their lives at sea, including a father and his son. I felt emotional about it, almost in tears imagining how truly horrendous that must have been for them. Suddenly he said, “Do you think the dad watched his son die or the son watched his dad?” And when I turned to look at him in shock, he was grinning.
He seems to have this idea that if you don’t know the people who have died or been hurt...why should you care. He reacts that way whenever the subject of 9/11 comes up and I feel heartbroken for those people.

Second example: My father took his own life in 2019. I have been devastated. One day he made a joke about how suicide is “funny.” I can only assume that he knew this would knife me in the gut. And I just don’t understand who could say such a thing! I told him that in no way is it funny. He simply said, “I disagree.”

Third example: Once, after watching a crime documentary, we started speaking about punishment for pedophiles and other sexual offenders. I expressed my view that punishment should be as harsh as possible, that they should have no right to privacy after such despicable crimes. ...He said he feels that they still deserve privacy and should be treated well by the system.

I don’t know, I’m confused. There are more examples. I’ve never seen this man cry or be truly emotional.

Anyone who'd watch something about two fishermen, related to each other, losing their lives and speculate which one watched the other dying whole grinning is a sick c*nt.

Suicide being "funny" ditto.

No empathy for victims of tragedy .. ditto.

Don't waste your time arguing with the "I think you're the problem op" posters - you're clearly not.

He's disturbing you, he'd be disturbing me.

At absolute best he's a little boy who likes getting a reaction and being inflammatory even if it hurts you. He's very offensive.

Not good quality partner material, toss him back.

Round here we say "the tide wouldn't take him out".

@@SavannahSums, I wouldn’t care WHY he is acting like this.
But I coudn’t live with someone who is regularly making me uneasy. Esp after his comment about your dad.

You don’t have to accept any and every quirks someone has. And you don’t need a diagnosis to leave a relationship

OP take a step back for a second.

He says things that trouble you.
He says things that are undeniably plain nasty (joking about suicide when he knows what you've been through).
He doesn't apologise or, almost more importantly, show he gives a single shit when you're upset.
He has told you he has a history of antisocial, risk taking behaviour.

Your question shouldn't be whether or not he's a psychopath, it should be why on earth you are even considering this as a viable relationship.

At best you aren't compatible, at worst he's a psychopath / sociopath.

Both should be enough for you to end a relationship.

my dad is like this.

i think he doesn't know how to express his feelings or comfort people, so he says the complete wrong things or sometimes even nothing at all.

: (.

Does he have any children?

If he has, I think my reply to his deadliest catch comment wouldve been "which would you prefer with your son/daughter if you were in a comparable situation?".

But honestly what's the point.

He clearly has a screw loose and personally I'd worry about what he'd be capable of. At best he's probably the sort of person who watches beheadings and gross, tragic things that dehumanise people. Who wants someone like that in their life.

It won’t get any better OP, only worse. Your instincts are telling you everything you need to know. It’s not that he’s not right for you, he’s just not...right.

Has he ever mentioned owning a dpet as a dc /recently? A good indicator of a person ime...

I would find some of his reactions disturbing. What you describe is callous behaviour, lack of and inappropriate emotion and lack of empathy which are the traits described by psychopathy. That doesn’t mean he’s a psychopath but I wouldn’t want to live with anyone with those traits.

He seems lacking in empathy. For you. The comment about suicide knowing you lost your father to is so recently is callous in the extreme. The juvenile delinquency isn't great either but if he'd made efforts to reform himself, feels remorse for it, and doesn't indulge in criminal behaviour anymore (does he?), then you shouldn't judge his past. If he doesn't feel remorse for stealing and damaging cars, then he's just not a nice man is he.

Not sure why you're with him tbh, if he says and does so much that upsets you. This isn't stuff you can have a chat about and compromise on. This is fundamental personality differences. It's a pretty miserable life being with someone who has the completely opposite emotional response on you on everything.

His comment about suicide was appalling full stop, but given the history, I'd have dumped him then and there and i think that's what you should do, right now. He seems to like upsetting you, and enjoy upsetting things.

How long have you been with him?

You should be looking at it as - be with the best person you can be with, not someone who just about scrapes the lowest standard. Would you want to have children with this guy, and watch him enjoying teasing them until they cried, for example? That's what happened to a friend of mine who made the mistake of staying with a nasty little shit like this. She left him when her little boy was 3. He'd literally laugh his head off if he fell and hurt himself - 'his face! it's a scream' - and one day she caught him teasing him by holding a toy out of reach. The little boy was hysterical. That was the end of that.

Dump him because you should want much, much better than this.

Thank you to everyone who’s left thoughtful and helpful comments. I appreciate it 💛

Some people seem to lack basic levels of empathy. When 9/11 happened, I had heard the news in work, listened all the way home and was in bits by the time I got in. My exDP shrugged and said, 'I don't know why you are getting so worked up about a bunch of Americans.' He once shouted at me because I'd got upset by one of the parents in my class being vile to me (I was young and inexperienced). He told me, he wasn't interested in hearing about my day. I wouldn't say he was a psychopath but he was certainly a complete arsehole. Maybe you have one of those.

Either he's an out and out Imbacile or sandwich short of a picnic as those really aren't normal responses at all.

I do hope you're not pregnant or planning to be by this disturbing individual.

Oh my gosh I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad. That is incredibly sad.

It doesn't really matter if he's a psycho or not, I'm not qualified to know that however he sounds absolutely vile and horrible and you sound lovely and like you have a big heart!

For anyone saying they can't see anything wrong with his comments - did you MISS the bit where he said suicide was FUNNY!! OP has JUST lost her dad to suicide! I mean it's wrong to say anyway but in these circumstances, if you can't see anything wrong with it, then you are clearly just as vile as him!

In my opinion - LTB OP. Find someone who adores you for your big heart instead of mocking you and trying to hurt you further.

It doesn't matter if he doesn't have empathy for strangers on the tele. If you are really dense you don't tend to be able to understand they are real humans with real feelings and that's fine.

But from what the OP has said, he has actively tried to upset her by using her Dad's suicide...! That is a dangerous and horrible man.

You can't diagnose your boyfriend with his comments. They may seem bizarre to you but this doesn't mean he is a psychopath.

What you do know is that he's incredibly immature. Maybe he's lacking empathy or he's 'joking' and has a weird, crap sense of humour.

How does he treat animals? How did he treat animals as a kid?

Whether he genuinely believes what he says or is doing it for a reaction the bottom line is he isn’t a nice person.

I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with him. I wouldn’t even want to be friends with him.

The suicide comment alone, given your loss, would be a deal-breaker for me.

You can do better than this. And your chances of recovery from ptsd will improve immeasurably when you're away from this cruel man.

@TJ17

Thank you so much for what you’ve said 💐

I sometimes wonder if my dh is on the autistic spectrum due to his lack of empathy sometimes. I’ve never seen him cry or get upset about anything, even when his gran died. He’s super-pragmatic about EVERYTHING. However, he would never, ever say any of the things your bf has said.

He may have a personality disorder or he may just be cruel but why would you want to stay with someone who says “suicide is funny” knowing your father took his life? It’s Callous beyond words. He sounds a bit sick really.

Hmm I dunno it’s hard to say everyone has different opinions but it does seem like he lacks empathy so possibly could be something , maybe on the spectrum ?

@SavannahSums

I'm sorry to hear about your dad, my dad also completed suicide and although it was over twenty years ago I know how difficult it is. If someone I know said suicide was funny I don't think I would ever see them again. It shows such a lack of empathy, and understanding and care,. Even if you don't understand just how bad suicide is ( and some people don't), I have never in over twenty years heard anyone say it was funny. I would remember as I would react very badly. Please take care of yourself and surround yourself with kind people.

He might be goading you, or lack empathy, or actually be unhinged... but anyway he sounds like a dick so get rid.

@Sandals19

Anyone who'd watch something about two fishermen, related to each other, losing their lives and speculate which one watched the other dying whole grinning is a sick c*nt.

Suicide being "funny" ditto.

No empathy for victims of tragedy .. ditto.

Don't waste your time arguing with the "I think you're the problem op" posters - you're clearly not.

He's disturbing you, he'd be disturbing me.

At absolute best he's a little boy who likes getting a reaction and being inflammatory even if it hurts you. He's very offensive.

Not good quality partner material, toss him back.

Round here we say "the tide wouldn't take him out".

Agree

I’m sorry your are having to figure out this person. If it causes you pain, is your pain any less real because he doesn’t think it is? He does come across as lacking in empathy and compassion; is this what you need? Will it help you? At the end of the day, is doesn’t matter what he is. Your own reaction and your own feelings are what you have to live with i.e. your own reality. Is this the life you want?