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Original poster

Should I walk in to 2021 a single woman?

136 replies

TheDiceWoman1 · 31/12/2020 12:59

NC for this.
In a very up and down relationship and I've spent all of Christmas feeling stressed and low.
He doesn't trust me. Makes me jump through hoops. He said he wanted to see me today to have sex as it's his reassurance I won't be sleeping with anyone else tonight. Not that I'm going anywhere it's just deranged thinking. I'm on my period and he tells me I'm avoiding and delaying having sex. I have been bleeding since Tuesday and last had sex with him Monday.
He clearly is not happy just to spend time chilling with me.
He says I don't take it seriously how much sex he needs. I've tried to accommodate and I'm not prepared to have sex while bleeding. He's truly awful and I'm struggling to walk away. I don't want my new year to start like this.

OP posts:
EileenGC · 31/12/2020 14:05

Conditions? I stopped reading right there. You're not engaging in a contract here, or taking out a loan.

It's definitely not your fault, it's him who sounds deranged.

NOT your fault. You sound completely normal Thanks

GreenLeafTurnip · 31/12/2020 14:08

God yes. Please start 2021 free and single. He sounds like a dick.

Bananalanacake · 31/12/2020 14:08

Thank God he doesn't live with you. It is very controlling to have the condition of having to see you every day, he is not respecting your space. When I'm in a relationship with someone I make it clear I see them once or twice a week, my space and time is important to me. If they don't like that they can find someone else. Have you tried saying you want to see him twice a week as you need more sleep and down time.

GCAcademic · 31/12/2020 14:09

The point of relationship is not to be abused, insulted and available for sex at the other person's demand. It must be pretty hard work to have sex with someone so vile and pathetic, anyway. And I'd be questioning what behaviour is he going to use his "paranoia" to justify next. Because it will ramp up.

Leave this shit year in the past, including him.

MissConductUS · 31/12/2020 14:09

He has blamed me for having a bad Christmas with her because of how anxious his paranoia is making him.

So his mental illness is your fault and you should therefore shag him anytime he wants it?

He's a manipulative, cheeky idiot. Bin him.

Holliej · 31/12/2020 14:10

Leave. Get rid, block. But be careful. He sound unhinged. If he is giving you trouble when you end it- do not hesitate to involve the police. X

Original poster
TheDiceWoman1 · 31/12/2020 14:13

I've tried saying that less is better for me. He wouldn't hear of it. The behaviour from him just got worse. Couple with the fact another condition is that we have sex 3-4 times a week. I tried that and it still wasn't enough. Tried saying he needed it every day in order to feel better about things. It's not possible to have sex daily for me as it gets painful. I have dermatitis down there too and it gets itchy if it's messed about with too much. He tells me I'm avoiding or delaying if I give any reason as to why it can't happen. If I'm working, tired, in pain it's always an excuse to him. Even the bleeding he said I ought to find another way to make things good. I know it's awfully wrong and I can't continue to allow myself to be disrespected like this.

OP posts:
Charles11 · 31/12/2020 14:15

WTH. He calls you up to ask for sex??

Seriously, dump him This afternoon and have a lovely New Year’s Eve as a single woman and then soar into 2021 free as a bird.

sallievp · 31/12/2020 14:16

Don't you think you deserve better than this?

BrowncoatWaffles · 31/12/2020 14:17

He doesn't sound good at all. 2020 has been a shit show. Do everything you can to make sure 2021 is better - and this is well within your own control.

Say no, get a hot water bottle and have your much-longed for early night.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 31/12/2020 14:17

Close your Mumsnet tab.

Open up whatever it is you use to communicate with him and tell him to fuck off. Block him.

Go and have a nice hot shower.

Come back and tell us how great you feel.

He's a nasty, controlling twat... you don't need him, you can get rid of him!

Flowers 🌷

Wanderlusto · 31/12/2020 14:18

He is flat out abusing you op. He wants so much sex because he knows you don't. He wants to break your spirit. Nothing you do will ever be enough for him - because that is the point! That is the manipulation.

But you can see him for what he is now. You can escape. He doesn't get to hurt you anymore. All you have to do is choose yourself over him.

katy1213 · 31/12/2020 14:18

He sounds like a dog pissing on a lamppost to mark its territory. (Sorry to put it so crudely.)
Don't walk into 2021 without him - you should be dancing!

RustySpringboard · 31/12/2020 14:21

Paranoia, jealousy, lack of empathy, dictatorial behaviour, need for dominance...it sounds like there's some real narcissistic personality disorder issues going on. His issues are not your problem. He sounds hideously controlling - please get rid of him for the sake of your own health. New Year - new start!

Bananalanacake · 31/12/2020 14:23

How long have you been with him. He sounds like the type to move in quickly to control you, I'm amazed he hasn't already tried.

madcatladyforever · 31/12/2020 14:23

I simply cannot understand why you allow this prick anywhere near you.
Dump him and then work on your self esteem so this doesn't happen again.

Original poster
TheDiceWoman1 · 31/12/2020 14:26

@Bananalanacake he has already tried. Earlier in the week he was saying we have to make plans as he was hinting at moving in but I said I won't discuss it until I feel happy with the situation. He wanted it to happen in the next month or so.

OP posts:
nosswith · 31/12/2020 14:26

End it now. I hope there is no-one else who ever has sex with him again.

GCAcademic · 31/12/2020 14:27

Ask yourself what sort of man insists on having sex with a woman who doesn't want it, and who is in pain.

There is a word for that sort of man.

Wanderlusto · 31/12/2020 14:29

Yikes, terrifying.

It's not the situation that's the problem, its him. He is utterly mental. And an evil fucker to boot.

PurpleMustang · 31/12/2020 14:31

I can't not write something. Demanding sex, conditions, controlling. Insisting you find a way around your perfectly natural period to have sex with him. Ditching his daughter for sex. He is so controlling and doesn't even live with you. DO NOT LET HIM MOVE IN. DO NOT HAVE A CHILD WITH HIM. The hills are that way..........fucking run 🏃‍♂️

RandomMess · 31/12/2020 14:32

How can you even like him!!

Whatwouldscullydo · 31/12/2020 14:36

Dump him . Good god he sounds awful.

2020 been bad enough don't let him ruin the new Yr too!

curiouslypacific · 31/12/2020 14:41

For most people this behaviour would be an absolute no-brainer dealbreaker. You even say you know this man is awful, so what is stopping you from dumping him?

Are you scared of his reaction or of being single? Don't answer if you don't want to, but thinking about why you have put up with this horrible treatment so far may help you resolve to end things, and avoid similarly abusive men in future.

GCAcademic · 31/12/2020 14:41

Oh, and if he has a key to your house, change the locks. He sounds like an absolute fucking psycho.

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