Fucking fed up with it

[MoreShit123]

Single as fuck, always have been other than a couple of disasters I was stupid enough to think would develop into a relationship. Been on my own most of the year. Hate zoom. Glossed the windows, did the kitchen up, did the garden, bought shit loads of clothes I only wear to work because there's fuck all else to do and I barely see anyone anyway even in normal times. All my friends have kids and partners and priorities of their own. I'm 36 and I've fallen through the cracks. Supposed to go on a date Saturday with some guy I've been chatting to online but that'll probably be sacked off depending on whatever fresh bullshit they announce today and to be honest I just can't imagine myself getting serious with someone online anyway it feels so forced, I'm doing it mainly to distract myself from previous heartbreak but also to see what the universe will throw my way if I meet it halfway and leave a door open. I'm lucky in a lot of ways, health work family money etc. I'm grateful. I know people have it much worse. But I'm lonely, I'm bored and there's nothing to look forward to, no unit of my own and nobody to share anything with. No-one to love and be proud of. Nobody of interest to talk to and swap stories and laugh with. Mental stimulation. Sick of going for a fucking walk. Sick of listening to music. I had my heart utterly smashed to pieces this year by another wanker who saw me as an "amazing" person and fun FWB but nothing real, I ended it and cut him off because as much as I loved and wanted him I won't put up with that so at least I can say I have self respect. I know I'm better off alone as shit as it is than in half a relationship with someone who undervalues me. But I'm still struggling with the failure of it. Yet another non starter AGAIN. I know I'm being a negative moaning old bastard but I feel like I just exist and there's just no real joy in anything. I'd love at least a good bunch of single friends to have a laugh and a drink with instead of feeling like the spare prick at a wedding all the time. I do have one friend who is in the same boat as me and we want to do lots of fun things like days out theme parks etc but she is in a different tier and the way things are fuck knows when that will happen. I'm fed up of constantly having to kick myself out of a depression and keep my chin up. I avoid certain people now as I get so irritated with them asking me if I've met anyone "yet". Just fuck off. I don't tell anyone in real life how I'm feeling because I'm so embarrassed that my life is this empty. It's just one long slog. I don't want counselling, I don't want medication, I don't want a lodger I want love and companionship. Yes I know having a partner doesn't define me. I know relationships aren't all they're cracked up to be. Neither is being constantly on my own. This year has been absolutely horrendous. I didn't even bother putting a tree up, what's the fucking point? So I can sit next to it with a glass of wine on my own giving Bridget Jones a good run for her money? The silver lining is my appetite is only big when I'm content so I'm losing weight and hopefully won't have fat thighs for much longer. Return of the size 12 jeans is on the horizon, maybe even 10 if I stop waterboarding my liver with Aldi's prosecco. No advice to be given really. Does anyone else ever feel just empty and irrelevant?

Agree you sound hilarious and I’m in the same situation. Everyone dumps me after a few months. I’ve no idea how other people do it. I have no advice, just solidarity

I love the waterboarding the liver comment

Also.....people who lose weight when they're lovelorn are actually real?! I thought they only existed in Jilly Cooper books!

"I'd eyeball the cunt"... fucking hell fire. That's hilarious op 🤣🤣.
But, yes, the situation is shite. I was there most of my life. I always thought I was an ok person, and someone was missing out on being with me. Haha...stay positive!!

Have you thought about moving somewhere more social where you might meet more like minded people? I’m thinking Brighton. You mentioned swimming. There’s a group of fiesty, take no shit women who meet every single day of the year and go swimming in the sea (socially distanced now of course). You could write your book, which you absolutely should do because you’re a good writer

Get an audible book for the walks; they have made the quality of my Grounghog Day walks much better.

I’m you, except I’m 55. Husband of 25 years left 3 years ago since then it’s been dating disasters, flaky men, men that don’t look like their pictures, men that ghost, breadcrumb even friends of friends so not online weirdos...
I give up. New year, same old ..

Happy new year 🥳

@MoreShit123

Snap on the Christmas Day comment, I got two pigs in blankets down me before bursting into tears. It's just shit. I feel guilty on my parents because I know they just want me to be happy. I literally go to work all week, go for a walk in the evening and count down the days until the weekend is here so I can feel less ashamed about cracking a bottle open and taking the edge off. By the time I take the wheelie bin out there's enough clanging and banging in there to impersonate a brewery. Fuck knows what the neighbours think, I'll probably have the samaritans turning up on the doorstep following an anonymous phone call. I don't want children thankfully otherwise I'd be in even more of a state. I've never felt so alone, tragic and utterly bored shitless.

Sorry to hear you're going through this OP, but I can't help but admit this made me die

OP you are brilliant! I could (if I wrote better) have written every word. 37 here and wondering if this is it forever.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE FEELING LIKE THIS.

Well I'm glad I've at least got something about me that you lot seem to like. I've had yet another fag on the doorstep looking like the most manically depressed charity case on the street, I'm quitting as of Monday though. I know I need to stop. I'm half expecting the entire cul-de-sac to start a whip round, maybe they'll club together and send me off on a sympathy spa day or something. Pathetic. Oh well. I'll pop down the offy later on and buy a final bottle of vino to see out this utterly fantastic year, there are a couple of shops round here I'd better start alternating between them before the guy behind the counter starts rolling his eyes and pulling it off the shelf as soon as he sees me traipsing around the corner. Oh for fucks sake here she comes again. Honestly I'm not an alcoholic I promise!! I've just caned it a bit too much this week like thousands of others who are off work until January. I've bought a lot of new clothes as Debenhams have been giving it away, one compliment I will give myself is that I'm usually very well dressed so I'll pull out the high heels next week and hopefully regain a bit of confidence and start kicking again. I've bought some of those crest teeth whitening strips too. I'm supposed to be meeting this guy on Saturday though it'll just be a walk in the local park, I'll have to check the rules as I haven't watched the news yet. I doubt there'll be a spark but he's a paramedic so with the way I've been living this week it might come in handy. Here's to an amazing new year I'm sure it'll be even more fulfilled and joyous than this one. Will it bollocks, it will be even cunting worse. Mark my words.

@MoreShit123

Well I'm glad I've at least got something about me that you lot seem to like. I've had yet another fag on the doorstep looking like the most manically depressed charity case on the street, I'm quitting as of Monday though. I know I need to stop. I'm half expecting the entire cul-de-sac to start a whip round, maybe they'll club together and send me off on a sympathy spa day or something. Pathetic. Oh well. I'll pop down the offy later on and buy a final bottle of vino to see out this utterly fantastic year, there are a couple of shops round here I'd better start alternating between them before the guy behind the counter starts rolling his eyes and pulling it off the shelf as soon as he sees me traipsing around the corner. Oh for fucks sake here she comes again. Honestly I'm not an alcoholic I promise!! I've just caned it a bit too much this week like thousands of others who are off work until January. I've bought a lot of new clothes as Debenhams have been giving it away, one compliment I will give myself is that I'm usually very well dressed so I'll pull out the high heels next week and hopefully regain a bit of confidence and start kicking again. I've bought some of those crest teeth whitening strips too. I'm supposed to be meeting this guy on Saturday though it'll just be a walk in the local park, I'll have to check the rules as I haven't watched the news yet. I doubt there'll be a spark but he's a paramedic so with the way I've been living this week it might come in handy. Here's to an amazing new year I'm sure it'll be even more fulfilled and joyous than this one. Will it bollocks, it will be even cunting worse. Mark my words.

Lmao!

Please can you write here like it's your diaries or something?

I love your writing style!

Please start a blog @MoreShit123!

Brilliant writing OP as others have said! I am very much in your boat too at age 35. Sacked off a psycho piece of shit last month and now wading through the bargain bin that seems to be online dating.
Hate feeling this lonely and putting on the fake brave facade at Xmas was the icing on top of the shittiest cake of all time.
I seem to have finally found people on my wave length here though I’m in Peterborough if anyone fancies a crappy (let’s not dress it up) socially distanced walk and a good old moan! What an offer ay?!
I’m not always such a negative Nancy but this year really has been the pits.
Fuck what the shop keeper thinks, enjoy your fizz and get royally pissed this NYE!

@Pinkpercy thanks I did, I was KO'd and fast asleep before midnight thankfully

Love this thread. Especially the swearing 🤣

@moreShit123 another one here who loves your writing style.. I would date you if I wasn't female! enjoy your date with the paramedic and come back to update us about it... (Loving the fact your teeth will be lovely and white on your date )

You've clearly got a following here, start writing, use what you've got. You lost me at don't want a dog, oxymoron, you don't sound cool to me but very angry but if people like it why not write it out of you, there's clearly a slipstream behind you? Good luck being less bored, not my cup of tea more curious about the responses. From what you're saying, feeling better seems more important to you than being entertaining but sadly if you generate a following you're still alone out front so you may as well exploit it.

I get it. I've had the "too independent" thing. It's just as well as the one time I was dependent with a tiny baby I was shafted. I've also been blamed for my adult DSs insecurity because I dated when he was an adult! I refused to go to gatherings with couples and I dont want to hear about it either. It can be a hard slog but I am considering trying dating again this year

Ranter of the Year 2021 in the bag already I reckon! 🏆💯💪
Admittedly I am of the "You should totes get a dog, a huge ugly one to smite your enemies or at least slobber on them and then 'accidentally' piss and shit on their stuff" persuasion but if not perhaps a cat to bite stuff on your behalf?

Anyway. That was a marvelous rant and I do hope fortune smiles on you this year.

Youre obviously fun,aware and intelligent so nobody can really tell you anything you arent already (painfully)aware of,but it has been a right fucker of a year hasnt it ? Even people that pretend to be fulfilled and stimulated have struggled this year,but at some point things have to change for the better,maybe concentrate on getting yourself ready for whenever that actually does happen and try not to be so (beautifully and poetically) cynical. Youve made people on here smile with your attitude and charisma,it won`t be long for you now,be ready !!

Moreshit123.... you are funny, iv just laughed for the the first time in a month.

Your life was mine 8 years ago, i hated it too and was loney, online dating bollox etc, im now 40 with a nearly 7 yr old boy and 4 yr old boy and fuck me its worse!! As you said, kids would make you more of a state and you are right.

Just wanted to say i think its just life and there is no answer. Iv done the single, work, dating, booze, bridget thing.... hated that, now doing the family thing, hate that too, theres nothing else to do really so maybe we just hate life in general.

Its worse for me now because im stuck in it, cant even remove myself from it now because i cant leave my boys. Typical..... an extra helping of bollox on top hey.

Hope your doing well anyway and would love to hear if theres been any changes in your life... i hope so.

Fab post, you sound like my kind of person. The half relationship and being undervalued hit home with me. I'm 53 widowed been seeing an old flame for nearly 3 years and it's not going anywhere you inspired me to finish it and move on. Like you I have not much of a social life most friends are married or in a relationship. Wouldnt it be great if all us women in the same boat in the same area could meet up and maybe start some sort of friends/social events.

In the nicest way... you write that you want love and companionship... but the rest of your post is so astonishingly negative that in your current state I feel like it will be difficult for you to meet someone.

I don't know what to suggest other than counselling which you have said you don't want, but I think the only way out of this is working on your mindset and yourself first and foremost. Once you are feeling better and more positive about yourself, better things will start happening to you and around you. But only you can find the right road to that place.

I do recommend trying to be more open to counsellng or at least a chat with your local wellbeing team to see if they could do anything. Otherwise where on earth do you start with this?

Trouble is some people dont know how to change their mindset, im one of them

This is an old thread but im curious OP...How's it going? Did you quit smoking?

I would love an update too ! Enjoyed reading this