Fucking fed up with it

[MoreShit123]

Single as fuck, always have been other than a couple of disasters I was stupid enough to think would develop into a relationship. Been on my own most of the year. Hate zoom. Glossed the windows, did the kitchen up, did the garden, bought shit loads of clothes I only wear to work because there's fuck all else to do and I barely see anyone anyway even in normal times. All my friends have kids and partners and priorities of their own. I'm 36 and I've fallen through the cracks. Supposed to go on a date Saturday with some guy I've been chatting to online but that'll probably be sacked off depending on whatever fresh bullshit they announce today and to be honest I just can't imagine myself getting serious with someone online anyway it feels so forced, I'm doing it mainly to distract myself from previous heartbreak but also to see what the universe will throw my way if I meet it halfway and leave a door open. I'm lucky in a lot of ways, health work family money etc. I'm grateful. I know people have it much worse. But I'm lonely, I'm bored and there's nothing to look forward to, no unit of my own and nobody to share anything with. No-one to love and be proud of. Nobody of interest to talk to and swap stories and laugh with. Mental stimulation. Sick of going for a fucking walk. Sick of listening to music. I had my heart utterly smashed to pieces this year by another wanker who saw me as an "amazing" person and fun FWB but nothing real, I ended it and cut him off because as much as I loved and wanted him I won't put up with that so at least I can say I have self respect. I know I'm better off alone as shit as it is than in half a relationship with someone who undervalues me. But I'm still struggling with the failure of it. Yet another non starter AGAIN. I know I'm being a negative moaning old bastard but I feel like I just exist and there's just no real joy in anything. I'd love at least a good bunch of single friends to have a laugh and a drink with instead of feeling like the spare prick at a wedding all the time. I do have one friend who is in the same boat as me and we want to do lots of fun things like days out theme parks etc but she is in a different tier and the way things are fuck knows when that will happen. I'm fed up of constantly having to kick myself out of a depression and keep my chin up. I avoid certain people now as I get so irritated with them asking me if I've met anyone "yet". Just fuck off. I don't tell anyone in real life how I'm feeling because I'm so embarrassed that my life is this empty. It's just one long slog. I don't want counselling, I don't want medication, I don't want a lodger I want love and companionship. Yes I know having a partner doesn't define me. I know relationships aren't all they're cracked up to be. Neither is being constantly on my own. This year has been absolutely horrendous. I didn't even bother putting a tree up, what's the fucking point? So I can sit next to it with a glass of wine on my own giving Bridget Jones a good run for her money? The silver lining is my appetite is only big when I'm content so I'm losing weight and hopefully won't have fat thighs for much longer. Return of the size 12 jeans is on the horizon, maybe even 10 if I stop waterboarding my liver with Aldi's prosecco. No advice to be given really. Does anyone else ever feel just empty and irrelevant?

I know I'm better off alone as shit as it is than in half a relationship with someone who undervalues me.

I picked that bit out of your OP. Keep reminding yourself of that. You can only do so much to influence what potential partners the universe decides to send your way but don't ever lower your standards and settle for a bad 'un. You know your own self worth - that is a priceless character trait to have. This must be a terrible time to be single but it will pass and life will get better.

Noone ever says single men are too independent.

Meeting someone is a lot about luck and timing and there's been precious little opportunity this year for any of that.

You're not at all unreasonable.

You will meet a tall, dark stranger....

Seriously though, I’m convinced that your post, just putting it out there with so much honesty and humour, will clear away any residual cobwebs. You’ve just opened your heart and so many of us relate! Xx

Do you have any friends or work colleagues to socialise with? (when we can).
I also think you should write, then perhaps some classes when all this is over.

Love your writing style too! Bridget Jones made me lol which doesn't happen often...I can relate!
Could have written your post but not as well.

Sorry you're feeling this way. Life is so hard when you can't find joy in thing's and I also feel like I'm just existing....

I'm trying to be kinder to myself and making myself a priority as definitely just an option to those around me...

@Bekilted

www.aldi.co.uk/organic-prosecco/p/076806148752900

Amazingly good and currently on offer.
It helps a lot 🥂

I'm late 40s and in a similar boat.

Its shit. And only slightly comforting to realise I'm not alone.

@Justkeeprollingalong

Thank you! My lonely Hogmanay is sorted.

OP, thank you for this thread. I feel bad for being chronically single, almost like I'm not good enough. You definitely should write. I wish my inner monologue was as funny as this. I'd have no problem spending hours alone in silence

I really admire you for not having self-respect and not settling for arseholes.

I don't want a dog. I don't want to talk to anyone in real life I'm very proud and very private. I do know my worth despite feeling worthless probably because I'm very intolerant anyway, if I fell desperately in love ten further times with a bunch of knights in shining armour (or wankers in tin foil in my case) I would still sack them off again and again if I wasn't a priority no matter how much it blows me to pieces every time... and it really fucking does because when I find someone potential it's extremely rare and a bigger deal than it should be, I'm not some desperado who jumps on any cock available. No offence to anyone who is by the way, get yours good for you no judgement here I sometimes wish I was the same! It's not that I'm overly fussy I'm not, I don't have a type I don't overly rate myself I don't expect much from a guy at all really just a bit of reassurance and warmth and feeling wanted. I just don't click or feel attraction easily. I just don't. I'm awkward. But thanks to this lockdown bollocks... with so much time on my hands overthinking my past, present and future there's practically steam coming out of my ears. I can't even go for a swim now apparently thanks to this tier shite. Oh look another fucking walk there's that nice house for the millionth time. If a magician could give me a potion to make me feel more optimistic never mind drinking it I'd eyeball the cunt. I do have humour and rely on it heavily but my spirit is not there at the moment. It's good to know it's still shining through even if I can't see it myself. Fuck it, man down tomorrow 🍷

I hear you, OP. In the same position.

Remember more than half of marriages and relationships end up splitting. You have more time, experience and wisdom to meet someone special.

It will happen - just keep doing what you’re doing

What helps me is to make plans for the future and when all these restrictions lift again in spring / summer - not long to go

Just to add, you do sound bloody brilliant.

Where abouts in the country do you live?

Midlands x

Same here ! Been single most of my life and now due a lockdown birthday in January. 54 and still single ffs !

Wow you are the first person to make me actually “Laugh out loud” in bloody months 🤣🤣 I love you!! I’d eye ball it excellent 🙌🏻

I can offer no help on your op but can I move in with you and away from my miserable existence with my H, I can do walks with a hip flask of course x

With a long OP like yours, I sometimes skim read (or give up) But this time I began reading your post and was drawn in by the way you write.

I know it's not the same, but I married the wrong man, and felt very lonely in the last years of my marriage.

I was single until late 40's. I was happy, but a bit lonely although I had male friends.
I wish I had stayed single and kept the male friends. Count your blessings. Relationships can be rewarding but from experience, are mostly shit. Rely on yourself, you are better company than anyone else.

Your post made me laugh too. Bet u r really good company irl! That’s a bloody good start.
I do think a lot it is down to luck and timing. You are probably putting as much effort into finding someone as anyone could. Hate it when people say things like this, but my sister met her husband when she was older than you x

I’m with you OP, it’s shit. I’ve been married, it didn’t work out. I was with someone I loved very much and got dumped without explanation. And now I just don’t have the heart for it any more. I want all the good things about being with someone but I’ll never trust again. And I’ve no idea where I go from here.

So not quite the same situation as you but same end result and same feelings. I’ve never been so lonely as I have this year and it’s not even really about the virus, just the realisation that this is it.

I’m not far from the Midlands although with the fucking tiers I may as well be. But feel free to PM if you want a virtual ear and maybe one bloody day soon a real one.

I was thinking exactly the same.

Learn to be happy on your own. If you meet someone, you meet someone.

Amazing @User158340, thanks for that.

OP u are fuckin sickkk hahahaha be my friend IRL please 🤣🤣🤣

@user148340 you're so right no shit sherlock I'm fucking bouncing off my tits from here to Milton Keynes thanks to that pearl of wisdom. For fucks sake!!

I'm like you in that I have low tolerance and it's rare someone gives me that "spark". Maybe be a little more tolerant, give people a bit more of a chance and dont fuxk them off at the first hurdle. That's why I did. The man I fell head over heels for was not the guy who immediately sparked my interest. I actually ignored him for ages.... too busy chatting to the hot guy. When I looked again at my behaviour I saw a pattern...I did not lower my standards but rather, gave room for new perception. My old way was not working.... no matter how picky, I picked the wrong one. Maybe look at yourself and what you're expecting.... and maybe get a little more realistic? X