Heartbroken, he wants space.

[yulelogc]

Partner of a year, don't live together at the moment but had plans to very soon as I'm pregnant. Things were good I thought then tonight he said he needs space.. but that's it. He won't tell me how much space, or if it means we are together still I have no idea and whenever I ask he just says he doesn't want to hurt me and won't give me a straight answer. I'm heartbroken. I want to know where I stand but also don't want to push. I know I need to give him space but it's so hard 😔 please help me get through this I'm devastated and so confused.

He probably only wants to talk to you because you're not replying, it's another tactic to make himself feel better. He's not going to have done a full 180 and decide he wants to be all in within just a few hours, and even if he says he has there's now going to be the risk he'll do it again.

I'm not underestimating how hard it is, but I would either ignore completely or message him and say "you can talk to me when you come to collect all your belongings tonight" then pack up all his shit and put it at your door and make him stand on your doorstep while you hand it over- hear the basic of what he has to say and decide whether to close the door in his face or not.

I do hope you can get through this and draw a line, for your own sanity and your kids' sake.

I agree, if he's dithering about then tell him you need space to decide what YOU want.

You're allowed to be upset and mourn the partner you thought he would be. Chuck his stuff in a bin liner for now, you don't need to be sat staring at his stuff.
It's alright to be sad. I hope you can find your sass somewhere though Op. You can do this.

Honestly OP if he's like this now he'll never be a good partner with the inevitable stresses of raising children. Don't waste your time and energy.

He wasn't planning to come over, just wants to call. He's said he's going to call me after work but no idea when that will be. I'll gather up his things and put them out of my sight.

[quote yulelogc]@Newwayofthinking pregnancy wasn't planned but He really wanted this baby. I considered abortion because I didn't want another child, he convinced me to go ahead promising me the world.

Yes I'm the other poster, yes I'm bloody pathetic and I know it 😔

Thank you for all being supportive, means so much right now. [/quote]
He has proper screwed you over, I would dump his sad disgusting ass and move on .

You and your children deserve better

my wish for you is that you stop hanging on to his every word.

If you can get past this then you will be on the right road.

He thinks by talking in riddles he will spare your feelings and help his own guilt. It doesn't work. If that's the way he feels what's the point of continuing. So immature and weak.

My children definitely do deserve better, I know. I'm just devastated, that's the only word I have to describe how I feel. What's so wrong with me that he doesn't want to stick around while I'm 33 weeks pregnant? He's not even wanted to try, not wanted to attempt to sort anything, I just don't get it.

OP I am not saying it lightly, my husband walked out when I had two babies. But we are so much better off without him causing havoc. We've always kept a civil relationship and he has a good relationship with them now and sees them regularly. It is disgraceful he's done this to you and all I am saying is please believe me you CAN do this on your own, you don't need him back. I totally understand that right now it feel like your world is falling apart but if you think in the long term him doing this to you now shows what kind of man he is, and that I really doubt you being with him is going to lead to happiness. 😕

I think you should hear him out op.

There's nothing wrong with you at all. He's the type of man that won't commit, doesn't want the responsibility and expectations of living together, doesn't want the difficult bits of life; consoling a crying baby in the middle of the night, dealing with squabbles, paying bills, sharing his wages, the adult stuff.

He's already walked away from the mother of his first child. I'm sorry but he sounds like a man child- fun, can be good company, loving, really fun to be around but he checks out when the shit gets real.

Absolutely nothing is wrong with you. He is a lying jerk who was telling you all you wanted to hear and you are a loving trusting person who believed him.
You are judging him by your standards and it looks like you have completely different values.
Pack all his staff and tell him to pick it up by the end of the week.
Not sure if you need yo involve solicitor to help with child support but in any case it can wait till the baby is born.

Don’t let him come to the hospital when you give birth. Don’t tell him anything until you and baby are safely home after the birth.

He has no moral or legal right to attend the hospital.

Go and register baby’s birth yourself, don’t tell him when and don’t give him an input into baby’s first name.

Please don’t think that allowing him to come to the hospital and register the baby with his name with somehow magically bond him to the baby and to you. It won’t and you will regret it for years.

Women repeatedly believe this shit and then they are stuck with their child with a different name and the child feels the odd one out in the family. It’s cruel to use a child in this way to try and lure a man back to you and it never works.

His words may have said he wants this baby but his actions say something different.

I definitely won't be having him as my birthing partner, definitely not. I need someone there who is going to support me, he has no right to be there.

Don’t let him have the power and don’t do the pick me dance. If he’s done this to you at 33 weeks pregnant he’s not good enough for you. You deserve better.

Pack his stuff up and tell him to pick it up.

Sounds like you’re finding your inner strength. Good. Fuck him, he doesn’t deserve you.

@yulelogc

I definitely won't be having him as my birthing partner, definitely not. I need someone there who is going to support me, he has no right to be there.

Absolutely. He'd make it all about himself anyway. OP, you sound like your resolve is hardening with every post. You're a proper warrior, he's scum. Don't be swayed by whatever he says, he's shown how untrustworthy he is and how empty his words are.

I'm trying so hard, I just feel weak though. The baby's moving loads, it's making me feel sad 😔

He's let you down so badly and I hope you stay strong. He's so sure of you that he feels able to do this. As heartbreaking as it is, don't set yourself up for a lifetime of disappointment. He sounds like trash. Don't let him do this to you: show him what you are made of!

Hear what he has to say, don't think the worst. Have an open mind. Don't make any rash decisions, sleep on whatever he has to say.

I'm really pissed off on your behalf Op. All day today he's messed with your head with pathetic vague texts, not even having the balls to speak to you face to face.

Now you're stressed and agitated waiting for his call ( the arsehole hasn't even specified a time ).

You have some child free time. Stop hanging on for his call. Have a nice long bath, think about yourself, try to engross yourself in a film, eat comfort food. If you miss his call them meh so what? Your life doesn't revolve around him.

It may help to think of the way you're feeling as withdrawal from a powerful drug. It's normal to feel sick and heartbroken and you will feel physically wrecked but it is the "high" you are missing not the uglier reality which is who he IS not your idea of him. It does get easier but you have to go through it to get out the other end. Sending hugs.

What a fucking arsehole xx sending you all my love xx

You deserve much better than this loser. He's playing control games.
He doesn't want to move in so he is throwing you off balance so you will agree to anything to keep him.
Let him go. You take back the control.