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Original poster

Heartbroken, he wants space.

751 replies

yulelogc · 30/12/2020 01:04

Partner of a year, don't live together at the moment but had plans to very soon as I'm pregnant. Things were good I thought then tonight he said he needs space.. but that's it. He won't tell me how much space, or if it means we are together still I have no idea and whenever I ask he just says he doesn't want to hurt me and won't give me a straight answer. I'm heartbroken. I want to know where I stand but also don't want to push. I know I need to give him space but it's so hard 😔 please help me get through this I'm devastated and so confused.

OP posts:
Beamur · 30/12/2020 14:39

I would want to talk to him too. Even if it's not a good conversation.

jessstan1 · 30/12/2020 14:42

@yulelogc

He's just messaged me asking if we can talk later. What now? I need help on what to do because my mind isn't thinking clearly right now 😔
I'd talk to him but wait until the new year, op. It won't hurt him to wait a couple of days and it is him who asked for space.

Then sit down calmly and hear what he has to say, you say how difficult it has been considering your pregnancy (& I have since read you are 33 weeks which is very far on), which you have a perfect right to do as it is true!

From there, work out what you want and how to achieve it.

All the very best in the world to you and your coming baby.

Mrsclaus5 · 30/12/2020 14:47

What a knob to do this to you at 33 weeks pregnant op. Hope you get some answers soon.

EstrellaPequena · 30/12/2020 14:50

I think you've already either made up your mind to speak to him or are speaking to him already, despite everyone's words... You need to stop giving this absolute piss-taker all the power here! You have agency! Come on!!!

DianaT1969 · 30/12/2020 14:50

I'd also be quite tempted to respond: "It isn't a good time. I'll be in touch sometime after the birth."
Claim on CMS and have nothing to do with him until he get access to the child via a court order. Why? Because it's going to be so much harder for the OP to get over him and move on if she has to see him every week. The baby isn't going to know or care if he exists for a couple of years anyway.

SmileyClare · 30/12/2020 14:53

I think it was a bit mean to drag one of the Op's vaginal issues off another thread Sad Thrush is not an STI and is a common yeast infection, especially common in the third trimester of pregnancy.

Epic thread de-rail...It's fine to buy an over the counter treatment and safe to use any cream or pessary in pregnancy. Do not take the oral tablet treatment. Best to get it cleared up before the birth as it can pass to baby (although can easily be treated in babies).

As you were Wink

Noshowlomo · 30/12/2020 14:58

I agree with @hashbrownsandwich in that you say that YOU need space and time so tell you if it's over otherwise he will just need to wait for you to see what you want. He is awful, he hasn't just let down you, he's let down his child. If he is capable of that he is capable of anything.

lilylongjohn · 30/12/2020 14:58

As much as it's tempting to tell him that it's not convenient to talk and you'll contact him after the birth I think you owe it to yourself to find out what he wants. I'd tell him to call at a time that suits you.

You also need to think about what you want. If moving in is what you want, then don't let him sway you into a half hearted relationship with no commitment from him. I followed your other thread and if you back track now on living arrangements then he'll walk all over you.

I suspect he'll be asking to continue with the relationship but for him not to move in.

ThirdThoughts · 30/12/2020 15:05

He wants space, you give him it, then he texts you and asks to speak with you. 🤨

So if you respond then at some point he can complain that you didn't give him space and if you don't respond it looks like you are the one creating the distance between you. 🙄

This whole pregnancy he's kept you waiting but at some point it can't all be about him. You have children and another on the way that you are going to put the kids first. Someone has to be the grown up and it doesn't look like it's going to be him.

I'm sorry that he hasn't stepped up to be the partner you thought he'd be. But you can do this on your own without the flake, you have your mum, your kids and your friends x

BlueThistles · 30/12/2020 15:07

You need to take control back OP... you decide when you guys talk not him.. 🌺

PolkadotGiraffe · 30/12/2020 15:08

What an absolutely shitty and pathetic thing to do to a heavily pregnant woman. 😡 And at Christmas as well.

Hard as it may be I don't think you want this flakey man in your life or to just let him come back if he feels like it.

How would you trust him after this?

Original poster
yulelogc · 30/12/2020 15:24

Thrush can be brought on by lots of things, it's not an std. it's definitely thrush I spoke to the dr, he told me to use Canesten and it's actually eased off a lot. So I don't see how that thread is relevant in anyway!

I haven't spoke with him yet, I haven't decided if I'm going to. He's at work all day anyway so assume it wouldn't be till this evening. I do think I want to know what he has to say. That doesn't mean I'll jump and do what he asks, I mainly want to hear because I think he's going to tell me it's well and truley over and at least then I'll know where I stand

OP posts:
BlueThistles · 30/12/2020 15:24

I wouldn't trust him at all.. he is not honest... he lies and keeps things to himself.. instead of being honest about his true feelings with you .. you could never depend on him.

Original poster
yulelogc · 30/12/2020 15:27

You are probably right @BlueThistles

I wanted different for this baby though, really thought we would bring this baby up together, my kids dad never bothered with them till we split, I was basically a single parent then, I wanted more for this baby, my absolutely gutted. That's hard to let go of. 2 days ago he said to me that he wants to be around full time for the baby, he missed out on a lot with his first because him and his ex split, he missed being there full time with him so he wanted different for this baby too.

OP posts:
BlueThistles · 30/12/2020 15:28

@yulelogc

Thrush can be brought on by lots of things, it's not an std. it's definitely thrush I spoke to the dr, he told me to use Canesten and it's actually eased off a lot. So I don't see how that thread is relevant in anyway!

I haven't spoke with him yet, I haven't decided if I'm going to. He's at work all day anyway so assume it wouldn't be till this evening. I do think I want to know what he has to say. That doesn't mean I'll jump and do what he asks, I mainly want to hear because I think he's going to tell me it's well and truley over and at least then I'll know where I stand

OP you've compromised ... you've fed him weekly for a long time... you've been patient kind and understanding... he's not the nice guy you believe he is... this is who he is... he's a weak coward... he's hiding from you.. hiding from having to be honest with you.. hiding behind texts messages... hiding behind work.. his child... the guys a coward.. 🌺

BlueThistles · 30/12/2020 15:30

I do hope you feel better soon OP... thrush is horribly uncomfortable... drink plenty of water too 🌺

Jessica382 · 30/12/2020 15:31

I've just been in a similar situation as you, I was devastated but we got back together after a month and it's better than ever, I'm pregnant too.

The day he told me he needed space, I was in shock and spent a few minutes begging him. I then I accepted it and stopped all contact. After a week of leaving him to stew, he begged me back. If you want him back, don't contact him. Men can't stand it and he'll have more respect for you. Men like to feel like they're winning you back and you now have to make it seem like he HAS to get you back now.

nimbuscloud · 30/12/2020 15:40

Men can't stand it and he'll have more respect for you. Men like to feel like they're winning you back and you now have to make it seem like he HAS to get you back now.

This is bad advice. It’s playing games. The op has several other children whose emotional well-being needs to be considered also. The father of this baby has been dipping in and out of their home for months.

Original poster
yulelogc · 30/12/2020 15:40

I'm honestly overwhelmed with all the nice comments, support and advice, it's definitely helped keep me together today. My kids have gone to their dads now, my mums still here she doesn't want to leave me on my own, she's making sure I eat a bit and drink.
I'm still struggling, keep bursting into tears 😔

OP posts:
tara66 · 30/12/2020 15:43

OP you need to discuss what financial support this person is going to give you immediately and in the future and unless you are well off - ask for a lump sum transfer to your bank account that will tide you over until you can work - so for a few months at least. Then who will pay for child care when you go back to work? This is what you should concern yourself about. Does he expect you all to live in poverty ?

WouldBeGood · 30/12/2020 15:46

Yes, get the money sorted while he’s feeling guilty. Speak to a solicitor ASAP so you know exactly where you stand.
I’m glad your mum is there. Let her look after you. It will be all right in the end, no matter how badly seems now

Original poster
yulelogc · 30/12/2020 15:46

Yeah I'll discuss the financial stuff definitely, but I'm just trying to get my head round everything at the moment

OP posts:
WouldBeGood · 30/12/2020 15:48

Don’t speak to him about money til you’ve had proper advice though.

greenspacesoverthere · 30/12/2020 15:49

What a nightmare for you Thanks

Original poster
yulelogc · 30/12/2020 15:52

It definitely feels like a nightmare 😔

OP posts:
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