Heartbroken, he wants space.

[yulelogc]

Partner of a year, don't live together at the moment but had plans to very soon as I'm pregnant. Things were good I thought then tonight he said he needs space.. but that's it. He won't tell me how much space, or if it means we are together still I have no idea and whenever I ask he just says he doesn't want to hurt me and won't give me a straight answer. I'm heartbroken. I want to know where I stand but also don't want to push. I know I need to give him space but it's so hard 😔 please help me get through this I'm devastated and so confused.

I don't understand. On Monday he was telling me he loves me, making plans with me, now this, how can just a part of him love me?

It doesn't - he made a mistake in a very new relationship and now just wants to escape from it, exactly as he was planning to do all along by refusing to commit and move in

It won't seem like this right now, but you're far better off without this waster in yours and the baby's life

@yulelogc If you can get hold of Phenergan (Promethazine) you can take those in pregnancy. I was prescribed them as anti-sickness meds for hyperemesis, they induce drowsiness as a side effect. You can buy them over the counter in some pharmacies, or they can be prescribed by a GP.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I have no sage words of advice, at the moment this will seem horrendous but in the long term you & your children will be better off. Staying with a man like this means you would just have an extra child to deal with. Someone so weak could never bring anything positive & ultimately he'd just be more work. Good luck & take care.

Well, at least he has now ended it.

Reality is this relationship would probably have run its course before now if the baby hadn’t come along. It was a very new relationship, and chances are he didn’t have plans for a long-term future and then felt that he should commit to one even though he didn’t want one.

He’s clearly a bit of a smooth talker...

I don’t know at what point you can put a claim in for CMS, but you should look into the process. Please don’t assume that because he’s a good father to his existing child he will be one to yours. For a start he and the child’s mother will have lived together as a family with said child. This isn’t the case with yours, and if he can walk away from a relationship with you then he can walk away from a baby.

I agree that you are better off without him. Just be glad you have your answer now and that it’s over.

I threw up everyday all day for 4.5 months when pregnant with DC1. I only managed to keep down toasted cheese and tomato sandwiches (made in sandwich toaster) and Nesquik banana milkshakes. The sickness improved with subsequent pregnancies. Try the anti-nausea fabric wristbands that are recommended for sea sickness, as they helped me just a bit. Hope you start to feel better soon, as this is can be one of the worst parts of pregnancy especially if you have to go to work or have other DC to look after x

@yulelogc

I will speak to my midwife.

He's messaged this morning and said that a part of him still loves me, but he needs to be on his own.

I don't understand. On Monday he was telling me he loves me, making plans with me, now this, how can just a part of him love me? 😔😔.

Why do you still get his messages? You realise that every message is a bad trigger for you and you feel worse after reading it.

Honestly, block him finally!

OP you need to focus on you and your children now

You have support around you - use this

I know you can't see it now but he has done you a huge favour. He's an absolute waste of space that you don't need in your life day to day.

I agree with PP - text him to tell him to collect his things from outside your property at whatever time suits you. Show the twat that you don't need him and his bullshit.

Keep busy, start preparing, look into finances/CMS and find out where you stand.

When he comes crawling back I truly hope you'll be in a much stronger place and tell him to fuck off.

You deserve so much better than this

@MrJollyLivesNextDoor

OP you need to focus on you and your children now

You have support around you - use this

I know you can't see it now but he has done you a huge favour. He's an absolute waste of space that you don't need in your life day to day.

I agree with PP - text him to tell him to collect his things from outside your property at whatever time suits you. Show the twat that you don't need him and his bullshit.

Keep busy, start preparing, look into finances/CMS and find out where you stand.

When he comes crawling back I truly hope you'll be in a much stronger place and tell him to fuck off.

You deserve so much better than this

couldn't agree more 🌺

I just lost it. I trashed my house and went out for a drive I thought about actually driving off a cliff. I feel like my kids would be so much better off without me, I don't even think anyone wants me. I'm of no value to anyone

Can you get urgent medical help? Call your mother.

My mum has got my kids. They are safe and ok, I'm trying to get my head together. I just feel like I'm nothing to anyone like i have no purpose.

Your children definitely wouldn’t be better off without you. I bet you’re a great mum, and you will be again this time. You’re hurting and you’re allowed to after all this guy has put you through. Call your mum. She loves you. And is probably worried about you. And we’re all here.

Go to your mums too.

@yulelogc

I just lost it. I trashed my house and went out for a drive I thought about actually driving off a cliff. I feel like my kids would be so much better off without me, I don't even think anyone wants me. I'm of no value to anyone

Please call someone OP. The Samaritans if necessary, or your mum. Don't suffer alone if you're feeling as low and desperate as this. You have children who need you and relatives who love you.

Repeat this on a loop to yourself whenever you start having feelings like these. You are not worthless. You fell in love with, and were duped by, a worthless man. You are not the first woman to be in this position and you won't be the last. You are the one who deserves better than him. Not the other way round. You are the one showing him you're not content to suck up the lousy scraps he cares to throw.

You've just taken the first decisive step. You have sent that bastard a clear message: 'you might not value me, but I value myself'.

This is your first step on that journey OP, in which you can nurture and grow that self-value. Soon your concern will not be whether someone will want you but whether you, in fact, want them.

Stay strong and don't be afraid to seek help. I promise you're going to be fine.

OP please to your Labour ward or day assessment unit if you have one, they will be able to help you if you can’t get in touch with your midwife. Please please do this for your lovely children who adore you even if you hate yourself right now. He’s a piece of shit

‘A part of him loves me’

This is code for: I’m a dishonest critic cklodging prick who doesn’t want to look like the bad guy and do I will say crazy shot like this to have you slowly lose your mind (whilst keeping you in the back burner just in case) so YOU look like the crazy one.

This is really hard but you have GOT to get a grip. Before someone decides to get one for you

You've trashed your house.
Thats done now and obviously cannot be reversed , but you know you will need to go home and tidy it up, it would not be good for your children to see.
Once you have sorted it out, draw a line under it and move on.
Yes it is hard , yes you are hurting. You need to do this for the other people in your life - your kids.
Work on getting yourself together for them and you . See him as an adult that can make his own decision on his life, and you and yours. Yes there is the possibility that he is in your past , but make your future something you can be proud about.

YOUR DC WILL NOT BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU. THEY WILL BE MUCH WORSE.

You have been treated very badly, but your kids need you. Go to your Mum's or phone the Samaritans. Think about your kids. They need you.

Op leaving your kids like that will affect them for the rest of their lives . Don’t let that be your legacy to them . You will be okay . Just get through a day at a time , the lack of sleep will be affecting your moods on top of everything else , once you start sleeping you’ll start feeling better . Can you call 111 to get advice , they can get you through to a gp ? Try mind or the Samaritans too . Just lean on everyone in real life you can , tell any friends you have - there’s no shame or hiding as he’s the one in the wrong here . Keep talking on here ❤️

It's utterly traumatic. You need to call your Mum and be with someone?

Do you have a friend that can come to you? Leave the kids with your mum?

The trashing is a cry for help. We've all tried to help you but this has not been enough.
As pp has said, this is also about your little children who do not deserve to suffer because of the repercussions of a difficult situation.. Your mum must also be worried sick.

The next step must come from you. Please try to find your inner strength to move forward, for all your sakes. I'm sure you will be surrounded by people who will accompany you on this difficult path. At the moment as you are in such despair, please reach out for some professional help.

OP, he is not worth your tears... He is not worth your love and pain you feel... HE IS NOT WORTH IT.
You are the world to your kids and your baby.

The trashing of the house is understandable as it is a cry and act of desperation :(

You're still processing all this all whilst heavily pregnant.

Your children will not be better off without you OP! They need you and you have a new baby growing inside your that needs it's mum.

Please please ring the Samaritans about how you're feeling and keep communicating on here.

I'm trying to calm myself down. I'm really trying to rationalise I really am. I love my kids and want them to be happy. I just lost it. My mind went crazy and I couldn't cope with my feelings

Oh lovey xxx if smashing things has helped you to vent your feelings that’s ok (and hopefully nothing too important smashed!)

Now deep breath, put the house together & give yourself some space. Block the cockwomble or change his name to “arsehole” in your phone. Have a bath, eat something if you can. It will be ok in the end xxx keep posting here for support, we’re Ll with you x