Heartbroken, he wants space.

[yulelogc]

Partner of a year, don't live together at the moment but had plans to very soon as I'm pregnant. Things were good I thought then tonight he said he needs space.. but that's it. He won't tell me how much space, or if it means we are together still I have no idea and whenever I ask he just says he doesn't want to hurt me and won't give me a straight answer. I'm heartbroken. I want to know where I stand but also don't want to push. I know I need to give him space but it's so hard 😔 please help me get through this I'm devastated and so confused.

He NEEDS to be able to tell people ... She dumped ME... and his conscience is clear...

I hope you are sleeping now OP and just want to say that you are doing really well to stay strong.

Stay strong OP you are doing amazing. He is acting like a massive child who is looking for someone else to deal for his mess. In terms of sleeping pills, have you thought of contacting GP (ovs not till Monday now) or popping into a pharmacy to ask about sleeping aids? Be careful though with being pregnant. Try some relaxing music and soft lighting. If my sleep is really bad, I have been known you write everything down so it’s out of my head and stored safe. That’s helped me sleep on the past. Xx

Call your midwife / maternity unit and explain what’s going on - say you’ve separated from your partner and aren’t sleeping and you need help. See what support they can provide

Well done for not contacting him! Really proud of you.
I don't know about sleeping pills but there are a few factors that I have found to really affect sleep: make sure you are getting morning light, make sure you are getting a little exercise (short walk in the morning), turn your phone off about an hour before bed. If you can't manage that put it on greyscale. Dim all the household lights too. Don't try to go to sleep, just tell yourself that you are going to rest. I find listening to something a little dry can send me off (like a history or gardening podcast).

Can you do something nice for yourself today as a reward for not contacting him? Maybe buy some nice colouring books?

Maybe he means more space for the baby to be? A bigger house?

Hi OP - as PP have said, talk to your midwife. A pharmacist may be able to recommend some pregnancy-friendly sleeping tablets also. Returning his stuff will be a wrench but I think it will help you start to move on because it will create some certainty for you.

@Dawnlassie

Maybe he means more space for the baby to be? A bigger house?

I will speak to my midwife.

He's messaged this morning and said that a part of him still loves me, but he needs to be on his own.

I don't understand. On Monday he was telling me he loves me, making plans with me, now this, how can just a part of him love me? 😔😔.

Ah OP, I really feel for you. What a selfish shit he is doing this at this point.
You're doing really well. Hope you start to get some sleep again soon.

How are you feeling today OP? I hope you have managed to get some rest. New year- new you. Bag up all of his stuff into bin bag and put it somewhere that you don’t have to look at it- boot of a car maybe? Cupboard under stairs?
This year is about you and your kids- start as you mean to go on! A strong badass momma!!! He is nothing to your life except a spineless, cocklodging dick head. You will have your baby, hold onto the support that you have around you and rose out of the ashes of this like a bloody Phoenix and more on with your life.

@yulelogc

I will speak to my midwife.

He's messaged this morning and said that a part of him still loves me, but he needs to be on his own.

I don't understand. On Monday he was telling me he loves me, making plans with me, now this, how can just a part of him love me? 😔😔.

That’s just a bullshit thing people say when they want to make themselves feel better for ending it. Now he has ended it just say, okay- I will bag up your stuff and pop it outside the house at xx.xx time for you to collect and make sure you go out with the kids for a walk or a wee drive to ur mums so you are away from him.

urgh I hate him for doing this to you. It is so cruel. Every time he contacts you he is rubbing salt in an open wound and he shows you that he has all the power. I think the only way of taking some power back is to block him so he can't keep pulling the rug from under your feet with his confusing messages. He is not the arbiter of all that is right and true. Your worth is not determined by him. You are worth 100 of this cruel, heartless coward. I don't underestimate how hard it will be but please block him and send yourself the message that you are in charge and will be putting your own needs first.

For someone who needs space he's spending a lot of time messaging you with pathetic cries about how hard it all is for HIM.

Someone mentioned upthread getting a new SIM and not giving him the number. Might that be an option? Then he's not blocked but you can choose when you deal with him. It would remove that constant dread/hope he contacts you.

@yulelogc

I will speak to my midwife.

He's messaged this morning and said that a part of him still loves me, but he needs to be on his own.

I don't understand. On Monday he was telling me he loves me, making plans with me, now this, how can just a part of him love me? 😔😔.

He’s a dick. A user. A manipulator.

He's manipulating you.

I get why you're saying you don't want to block, but all you're doing is leaving him a way to hurt you and for you to feel more pain and disappointment each time he does this.

It's going to be really hard for your pain to reduce while he has a pathway to keep jabbing at your wound and keep it raw.

I'm sorry that when you thought you'd broken the cycle of abuse you ended up in another abusive relationship.

He is such a jerk.
That's just messing with your head. Total fuckwit. So manipulative.

@yulelogc

I will speak to my midwife.

He's messaged this morning and said that a part of him still loves me, but he needs to be on his own.

I don't understand. On Monday he was telling me he loves me, making plans with me, now this, how can just a part of him love me? 😔😔.

OP that reads to me that it's over.

So I agree with others and text him to say you'll get his stuff dropped off at his and that there will be no contact until the baby is born.

That’s about the most honest he’s been in saying he doesn’t want to be with you. Not nice to hear but at least it’s final.

Years ago my ex fiancé was having an affair while planning our wedding and telling me how excited he was/how much he loved me etc. When it finally all blew up I asked him why he’d kept going on about the wedding and how happy he was. He said he’d not known how to say he didn’t want it and he knew I and his family were going to be devastated so it was easier to go along with it. He was a big coward, and so is this guy.

The “a part of me still loves you” is him thinking he’s being kind. Nobody who loved you even a tiny bit would put you through what he has.

You’re tougher than you think. You’ve been here before and been a great mum. You can do this.

Sorry you’re having to go through this and especially at such a late stage in your pregnancy.

You don’t need this shit in your life. Ignore him for at least 1-2 weeks, so you can begin to get your head around it all without his ‘me me me’ messages. Start the New Year with a fresh new positive start for you and your children.

Do not let anyone treat you like rubbish.

outofthefog.website/
💐

I’m sorry. That reads to me like it’s over too. I’d delete and block him on everything. Don’t get in touch with him again. He’s an utter bastard.

Absolutely shocking he’s messaging you this, and on New Year’s Day, and you’re nearly ready to give birth.

What an appalling human being. I feel sickened by him.

Get over the shock and get through the next few days and weeks, OP. In time, I can guarantee you will stop missing him and realise how he’s done you a MASSIVE favour. Nobody needs this unreliable jerk with zero integrity in your life.

Honestly what a pathetic coward he is.

Surround yourself with support and love. You have an amazing mum and children and a new baby on its way.

You have much to look forward to and will be better off even though it doesn’t feel like it now

Ignore him for at least 1-2 weeks, so you can begin to get your head around it all without his ‘me me me’ messages

Good advice - you need space away from him to adjust and gain perspective

Hi Op I agree with marmozet . It’s definitely over with that message , well done on not replying so far , why is he still messaging to say these things , what a horrible man . Hopefully after you dump his stuff and ask for no contact he’ll get the message. I understand the lack of sleep as I suffer it often . It makes any problem seem ten times worse the next day and when you start sleeping again you’ll feel a lot better I promise . There are some great sleep apps out there one is Harold Glenn . He has free relaxation ones , they work really well . Write a diary to get those thoughts out . I used to take rescue remedy during pregnancy but with mixed results . Definitely speak to your midwife or GP . Big hugs xx

He wants to be on his own. He has said what he wants in words that he thinks don't make him sound like a really bad guy. In all likelihood he feels a relief at finally saying it and is waiting for you to accept his decision.

Who would say this to a woman carrying his child without thinking it through?

Please lean on the people you can rely on because you cannot rely on him. I'm sorry, this is so painful for you, but he has said clearly what his intentions are.