Heartbroken, he wants space.

[yulelogc]

Partner of a year, don't live together at the moment but had plans to very soon as I'm pregnant. Things were good I thought then tonight he said he needs space.. but that's it. He won't tell me how much space, or if it means we are together still I have no idea and whenever I ask he just says he doesn't want to hurt me and won't give me a straight answer. I'm heartbroken. I want to know where I stand but also don't want to push. I know I need to give him space but it's so hard 😔 please help me get through this I'm devastated and so confused.

@prawncocktailpringles

I have been lurking and really feel for you. I have been in that situation where you feel addicted and crazy because of someone's erratic behaviour. It reminds me of something I heard about riptides. People get swept away because they fight against the tide but if you can just step aside you can escape the strength of the tide. I am not sure if that makes sense.

Anyway I delurked to recommend listening to podcasts. Nothing distracts or relaxes me more. Here are some of my favourites:
Reply All
Criminal
British History Podcasts
TED radio
Accused
In the Dark....

Or just download a podcast app and browse.

I like them because you can wander around and potter whilst listening.

I also think you should see it like an addiction. One day at a time.

All the best

I've never listened to podcasts either...

I might actually give the criminals ones a go.. I spend long durations on flights... sounds intriguing.. thanks for sharing

Sorry I am a newbie and don't know how to respond to messages but here are some more!
Root of Evil
Uncover
Real Crime Profile
Bardstown
Counterclock
Murder in Oregon

(I may be a little obsessed!)

Brilliant suggestion by @prawncocktailpringles - podcasts are totally addictive. In a good way. I hadn’t listened to any before August. Got the habit while on holiday. Listen to them every chance I get now. A current favourite is Katie Piper’s Extraordinary People. Crime ones are good, too. There are podcasts on everything. You’re bound to find something interesting.

Ooh will try that. I have run out of stuff to listen to

What an absolute bastard. I hope you’re ok x

When I was detoxing from my toxic ex my counsellor recommended treating myself whenever I managed to not get in contact. I got myself some nice pyjamas and an essential oil diffuser. It is basically a fake it till you make it way of prioritising yourself. I recommend it. If you can't afford to buy something then find other ways to treat yourself every day. Reward yourself for not having him in your life.

@prawncocktailpringles

Sorry I am a newbie and don't know how to respond to messages but here are some more! Root of Evil Uncover Real Crime Profile Bardstown Counterclock Murder in Oregon

(I may be a little obsessed!)

christ.. I'm weirdly buzzing about this.. dug out my (over ear cause I'm an oldie) headphones

thank you so much lol

OMG that is just a selection...don't get me started...

Let me know how you get on!

[quote yulelogc]@LockdownLady1 sorry you're going through something similar. 4 days is amazing to go no contact. Where do you think things stand at the moment?

[/quote]
I wouldn’t say it feels amazing being no contact. We just argued and not spoken since but I’m ahead of you in chances I’ve given my boyfriend. He’s the one delaying everything and freaking out about things and now I take him back we start to move on and it’s all gone like this again. I think not hearing from him over New Years just shows me that it’s probably over. And like you I’m going to have to have to ‘come down’ from being with him. I would definitely recommend YouTube videos for help moving on from someone. There’s a Ted talks called how to fix a broken heart or something like that which is really good. Lots about no contact - when you have kids as well. You are stronger than you think and don’t feel bad for wanting to message him. You did nothing wrong in this situation but he unfortunately has and needs to feel what he’s lost!

@LockdownLady1 no I'm sure it doesn't feel amazing 😔. How are you coping? I'll have a look at the YouTube videos. I'm really struggling again tonight.

I 2nd BlueThistles idea ..... colouring it's a great distraction. When I was going through a hard time earlier in the year I started this. I'm no good at drawing so I found YouTube tutorials on "how to draw......" and you can type in whatever you want to draw. I liked this as it forced me to concentrate.

You’re doing well OP

Just take each hour by hour, day by day

Keep it eating, drinking and resting

Move around too

Can you take a bath / shower and pamper yourself?

You are going to be very up and down so look after yourself

OP, the only person you’re kidding by not ending things is yourself.

This isn’t about him telling people you ended it, it’s about you hoping that if you don’t end it, he will come back, whereas if you end it now it’s over when you don’t want it to be.

Truth be told he was never going to move in. You gave him an ultimatum and said that if he didn’t move in by a certain time then it was over. That day came and went and you didn’t end it then, now he’s saying he wants space and still you won’t end it.

I understand that you’re still hoping he will come back, but you really need to have a bit more self respect than to hang on to a man who clearly doesn’t want to be with you but is too gutless to admit it.

Well remember OP is pregnant and doesn’t WANT to end the relationship. I feel for you hun, it’s the worst situation when someone is basically forcing you to dump them so they don’t feel bad. He’s pushing you away purposefully. I wonder if this is what he did with his ex seeing as it sounds like she brought up his other child alone. It’s just like my boyfriend/ex, he panicked and then I found naked photos of his ex on his phone (old pics) but he was fantasising about her when he was with me because it was all “too much too soon” - even though he was the one who asked me to move in etc.
I think make a list of all the negatives that’s certainly something that will help you not reach out. I’m so sorry he’s causing such stress in the last part of your pregnancy :(

I second colouring obviously my user name shows that 😆

OP has taken back control.. she has done things her way.. and in the way that works for her.. 🌺

What a shit head of a 'man'.

You deserve far better than him. I'd be telling him bluntly if he texted again asking how the baby is that he'd know if he'd had the balls to stay and that he needs to stop asking since he isn't man enough and you will tell him if anything is wrong.

Although you've been told by the doctors your current issue is thrush, please get checked anyway. He doesn't sound trustworthy and sounds like a scum bag, so you never know what he's done sadly.

Text him tonight too telling him it's over for good and you will be moving on without him in your life, you need an actual man in your life, not a petty stupid man. You are done with him, if you haven't done that already. You can go into 2021 single and stronger without him.

You are strong OP, you can do this. Keep going forward, do not let this twatbag dictate your life. Do things on your terms and keep posting away.

I admire your strength

Another one here admiring your strength OP, you're doing great sweetheart. Sending you hugs. Hang in there 🤗

“OP has taken back control.. she has done things her way.. and in the way that works for her.. 🌺”

This with bells on. You’re doing really well, OP. You’ve got this.

Why do people keep saying to her to end it. He has pretty much ended it anyway. He said he wasn’t sure what he wants before and in a guys bullshit code that means he doesn’t want you and it’s the nice way out. She doesn’t owe him anything or the satisfaction of her ending it when he already has.

OP don’t block him but don’t answer or read or messages or phone calls. Focus on yourself and your kids. I know it’s fucking hard but right now you have a baby growing and you need rest, food, fresh air and no stress. Watch as much crappy tv as you want or if you want sleep sleep. He doesn’t deserve a second thought of your time till little ones here. I hope you’re ok.

@CharlotteRose90

Why do people keep saying to her to end it. He has pretty much ended it anyway. He said he wasn’t sure what he wants before and in a guys bullshit code that means he doesn’t want you and it’s the nice way out. She doesn’t owe him anything or the satisfaction of her ending it when he already has.

OP don’t block him but don’t answer or read or messages or phone calls. Focus on yourself and your kids. I know it’s fucking hard but right now you have a baby growing and you need rest, food, fresh air and no stress. Watch as much crappy tv as you want or if you want sleep sleep. He doesn’t deserve a second thought of your time till little ones here. I hope you’re ok.

too true 🌺

I know it’s fucking hard but right now you have a baby growing and you need rest, food, fresh air and no stress. Watch as much crappy tv as you want or if you want sleep sleep

She's got 4 small children at home most days so the above would be quite difficult. A lot of the suggestions being made on here are 'nice' and supportive but in real life very difficult.

I can't sleep again 😔 been awake for hours it's torture. I have accepted in my mind it's over, so for anyone wondering why I haven't told him or whatever I don't think it matters as I know that's it's done, I'm not as stupid as I seem, I know he doesn't want me anymore. He won't tell me that straight though, god knows why. I did tell him to at least have the decency to end it with me but nothing. I've got my kids tomorrow again, then they will go to their dads Saturday afternoon. I've gathered up his things and I'm going to just to dump them on his doorstep, with a note saying that there will be no contact now until baby is here. I feel like that's something I need to do.

Is there any sleeping pills I can take in pregnancy? I really need to sleep it's just making things a million times worse not sleeping.

Hi OP... he won't tell you it's over... because he cannot bear being held responsible for ditching you weeks before you give birth to his child... his ego .. his standing as an amazing Dad.. his reputation just won't allow him to 'end it' ... he's more concerned about how it looks to other people... than how this has affected you or the baby's stress levels...

text book Coward 🌺