Heartbroken, he wants space.

[yulelogc]

Partner of a year, don't live together at the moment but had plans to very soon as I'm pregnant. Things were good I thought then tonight he said he needs space.. but that's it. He won't tell me how much space, or if it means we are together still I have no idea and whenever I ask he just says he doesn't want to hurt me and won't give me a straight answer. I'm heartbroken. I want to know where I stand but also don't want to push. I know I need to give him space but it's so hard 😔 please help me get through this I'm devastated and so confused.

@Sparklfairy

And please get contraception. Five children doomed to a life with a variety shit or absent fathers is tragic.

That's on the men, not OP.

It's a bit of both really. We don't need to make children with every new partner

The tables will eventually turn and he will wonder why you aren't begging and he will be checking his phone, sending you fishing messages to reel you in

More likely he'll be relieved it's gone quiet and even start to believe he's got away with it - until he's expeced to pay that is, when what remains of the nice guy image will disappear

Let's face it, a "good guy", a "great father" and all the rest would never have behaved like this in the first place

@Sparklfairy @wetasstenalady

Could I gently suggest that your advice might not be suitable right now?

[quote Eckhart]**@Sparklfairy* @wetasstenalady*

Could I gently suggest that your advice might not be suitable right now?[/quote]
100% this,

This is so hard, I've gone all day without contacting him which is massive for me. I've found it difficult, have cried a lot. I'm so used to speaking to him all day it's just hitting me hard. I'm trying so hard to be strong

Fourthing @NotaCoolMum here: handle it the way that feels best to you.

It’s great your mum is around. Can you lose yourself in a boxset or some films you can watch with your little ones?

@Puzzledandpissedoff I don't think you're right. He has a child already that he has half the week and pays fair maintenance for. He will pay for this one and will definitely be involved. Whatever kind of man he is, he's not a shit dad. He's a shit partner for sure no doubt there, but to say he's a shit dad and won't pay because he's left me isn't really accurate.

@Dery I don't have my kids at the moment they are at their dads. To be honest I don't really watch tv, I've been watching the kardashians but it's not really keeping me distracted 😔

Sorry @yulelogc that you're having to go through such a tough time, it must be very hard keeping it together for your DC with this playing on your mind. Sadly, this one's not a keeper, he's had everything his own way right from the start but now it's all real and he'll have to step up financially and practically he's fallen at the first fence. Please don't keep this a secret, don't let him try to blame you for all his failings- if people ask just say he's got cold feet and let you down. In your place I wouldn't let him be at the birth- why should he get the lovely parts- but I'd bet money he'll expect to be there.
I wish you all the luck and strength for the future

Well done for going all day without contacting him, trust me it's making a massive impact more than you know

@yulelogc

This is so hard, I've gone all day without contacting him which is massive for me. I've found it difficult, have cried a lot. I'm so used to speaking to him all day it's just hitting me hard. I'm trying so hard to be strong

You are being strong.

[quote yulelogc]@Puzzledandpissedoff I don't think you're right. He has a child already that he has half the week and pays fair maintenance for. He will pay for this one and will definitely be involved. Whatever kind of man he is, he's not a shit dad. He's a shit partner for sure no doubt there, but to say he's a shit dad and won't pay because he's left me isn't really accurate. [/quote]
You said before that his child was with the mum all week and he stayed with you all week?

@excelledyourself he stayed with me mom-thurs, had his child fri to mon when he had school, but he has him a lot more in the holidays too.

I had changed little bits of info in my previous thread so as not to be outing, but I've been completely straight in this one, haven't changed anything, not any details, I don't really care if it's outing now to be honest.

@yulelogc

This is so hard, I've gone all day without contacting him which is massive for me. I've found it difficult, have cried a lot. I'm so used to speaking to him all day it's just hitting me hard. I'm trying so hard to be strong

Giving up anything bad for you is always going to be very hard at first but it needs to be done

@Daleksatemyshed he won't be at the birth no, it would upset me not support me to have him there. He will be gutted about that but I won't back down on that.

You say you don't really read or watch tv - what do you like to do in your spare time? Do you have any hobbies that can keep your mind busy and help make the time pass by more quickly?

When I went through the worst breakup of my life, I started making collages, using images from magazines that made me feel happy. It was literally the only thing that kept my mind completely occupied. Do you have something like that you can do? Cooking, baking, jigsaw puzzles... don't let him take up any more head space.

Well if he really has his dc 50% of the time, I can see why he has been reluctant to move in with you all. That is a massive change in circumstance and routine for a child, even before a new sibling.

Of course, he should have thought of that from the beginning.

@cordelia16 to be honest not really, I would normally see my friends a lot but we're tier 3 so not seeing them. You're right I should think of something to keep my mind occupied, I'm open to suggestions

@excelledyourself exactly that, he should have said in the beginning but he didn't. His child has stayed at my place and been absolutely fine thought, we've spent a lot of time together at weekends too.

Your last thread said he's never brought her to stay? You've only had days out?

Apart from last weekend

His child has stayed a few times since that thread.

@yulelogc

This is so hard, I've gone all day without contacting him which is massive for me. I've found it difficult, have cried a lot. I'm so used to speaking to him all day it's just hitting me hard. I'm trying so hard to be strong

You're doing brilliantly OP!

Really? Since last Sunday? It's still hardly the point.