Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Heartbroken, he wants space.

751 replies

yulelogc · 30/12/2020 01:04

Partner of a year, don't live together at the moment but had plans to very soon as I'm pregnant. Things were good I thought then tonight he said he needs space.. but that's it. He won't tell me how much space, or if it means we are together still I have no idea and whenever I ask he just says he doesn't want to hurt me and won't give me a straight answer. I'm heartbroken. I want to know where I stand but also don't want to push. I know I need to give him space but it's so hard 😔 please help me get through this I'm devastated and so confused.

OP posts:
wetasstenalady · 31/12/2020 14:46

[quote yulelogc]@JovialNickname I don't know, that's what he said. I haven't said yes, I haven't said anything!
I'm just trying my best not to message him or anything. It's hard because for the last year we messaged all day every day... now nothing, it's a hard habit to break and I'm
Definitely struggling with not hearing from him [/quote]
But maintaining contact allows him to keep treating you this way. He will reel you back in and let you down . Lather, rinse and repeat

BlueThistles · 31/12/2020 14:49

He's a cowardly Prick... he's a selfish coward that is just dragging out the inevitable ...

OP you must keep positing on here... there is always someone here 🌺

3u33y · 31/12/2020 14:49

@Pollypocket89

Why are you being so passive and just not replying to him... You need to take control of yours and now your 5th child's future and end it
That isn’t passive- it’s not doing what he wants- which is for her to end it so he can claim to be the good guy that didn’t end his relationship with his heavily pregnant girlfriend.
BlueThistles · 31/12/2020 14:50

@Sunshinelove8

I just think blocking seems aggressive , a message setting out your stall and letting him know he’s been crap and you don’t want anymore contact but will let him know when baby arrives is better. He might just turn up at your door creating drama if you block him .

Don't do this...

Ignore all his contact... take back the control of your own like as you have been doing OP 🌺

Sunshinelove8 · 31/12/2020 14:59

@BlueThistles I think texting and laying out your stall is taking control . She can block afterwards if she really wants to . If she goes silent I really think he will rock up at her door

Original poster
yulelogc · 31/12/2020 14:59

I'm not going to tell him it's over, he then gets to go round telling everyone I broke up with him, it was my decision, that all he wanted was a bit of space ect, no way.

I don't feel well, I'm stressed, upset, I can't sleep I can't eat I am just doing what I can to get through this.

OP posts:
Sunshinelove8 · 31/12/2020 15:00

I speak from experience !!!

PerveenMistry · 31/12/2020 15:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BlueThistles · 31/12/2020 15:01

@yulelogc

I'm not going to tell him it's over, he then gets to go round telling everyone I broke up with him, it was my decision, that all he wanted was a bit of space ect, no way.

I don't feel well, I'm stressed, upset, I can't sleep I can't eat I am just doing what I can to get through this.

Stay on here .. and talk.. ramble .. vent.. you do what helps you OP... do you read at all? or watch a good movie... or netflix series... 🌺

Sparklfairy · 31/12/2020 15:07

And please get contraception. Five children doomed to a life with a variety shit or absent fathers is tragic.

That's on the men, not OP.

Original poster
yulelogc · 31/12/2020 15:08

@PerveenMistry my 4 children haven't got absent fathers. They all see their dad regularly, and I'm pretty sure this one will too, he's many things but a shit absent dad isn't one of them.

OP posts:
Original poster
yulelogc · 31/12/2020 15:09

@BlueThistles I don't read really, and can't seem to concentrate on anything on tv. I'm literally just floating around feeling shit. I feel dizzy and weak and so tired 😔

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 31/12/2020 15:09

I'm not going to tell him it's over, he then gets to go round telling everyone I broke up with him, it was my decision, that all he wanted was a bit of space etc, no way

Does it matter? This isn't some game and one way or another it's clearly over - he'll lie anyway, just as he's done all year, and unless you want to spend ages on a he said/she said squabble you might as well draw a line under it now

And as Perveen just pointed out there are rather a lot of children involved here ... don't they also deserve a mum who enjoys some peace of mind?

Glutted · 31/12/2020 15:10

I hope you're ok OP. I personal think you would be better to take control of the situation and make the decision for both of you. You and your children deserve better. I would be issuing an ultimatum... either commit fully or accept being weekend daddy to another child. If he cannot answer the decision is easy.... thanks and let's discuss maintenance and access after babies born!

Original poster
yulelogc · 31/12/2020 15:12

I appreciate advice but there's no point me doing something that I just don't feel comfortable doing, I have to live with the consequences of what I do, and I am. Telling him it's over just feels like he has an easy way out, I know in my mind it's over, I know that so I'm dealing with it the easiest way I can and I'm really struggling!

OP posts:
Sunshinelove8 · 31/12/2020 15:18

Honestly I think you can’t bring yourself to tell him its over . As @Puzzledandpissedoff said it doesn’t matter who calls it off or what people think . This could go on forever . You not speaking , he comes back after baby’s born and gives you a spiel to try again etc I would be laying my cards out saying it’s been unacceptable and that’s the end of the relationship in your eyes , you will be in contact when baby is born and please don’t contact me any further . I really feel blocking and game playing doesn’t work and just causes tension and drama

NotaCoolMum · 31/12/2020 15:19

@yulelogc you do whatever YOU feel you need to get through this. All the posters saying “I’d do this...” or “why are you doing that?...” don’t actually know what they’d do in your situation and can’t possibly know exactly what you feel. Just take it one hour at a time and know that you have loads of real life support from your mum (who sounds amazing) and friends, and you have your MNetters here too xx

Puzzledandpissedoff · 31/12/2020 15:19

Telling him it's over just feels like he has an easy way out

Unfortunately he already has an easy way out; he can walk way as the more rotten men often do, and given the lies he's told about his intentions there's every chance he'll do exactly that no matter what you say

It's a shame and extremely painful of course, but I'm not sure how kidding yourself (and very obviously hoping he'll "come round" if you just do such-and-such) is going to help

unsuree · 31/12/2020 15:28

[quote NotaCoolMum]@yulelogc you do whatever YOU feel you need to get through this. All the posters saying “I’d do this...” or “why are you doing that?...” don’t actually know what they’d do in your situation and can’t possibly know exactly what you feel. Just take it one hour at a time and know that you have loads of real life support from your mum (who sounds amazing) and friends, and you have your MNetters here too xx[/quote]
I second this.

Eckhart · 31/12/2020 15:32

@yulelogc

You deal with it how you need to deal with it, and you don't have to answer to anybody. Your own feelings are the only thing you need to respect here.

I third what @NotaCoolMum said, and suspect she is, in fact, a cool mum.

AnImposter · 31/12/2020 15:32

I wouldn't text and end it either, I wouldn't want him to have the satisfaction. I'd just not say anything. At all. Exactly like you're doing.

The tables will eventually turn and he will wonder why you aren't begging and he will be checking his phone, sending you fishing messages to reel you in. Hopefully by then you'll be much stronger and able to laugh at his pathetic arse x

NotaCoolMum · 31/12/2020 15:33

[quote Eckhart]@yulelogc

You deal with it how you need to deal with it, and you don't have to answer to anybody. Your own feelings are the only thing you need to respect here.

I third what @NotaCoolMum said, and suspect she is, in fact, a cool mum.[/quote]
😘😘😘💐

Marmozet · 31/12/2020 15:54

I'm sorry he wants to see you next week before making up his mind!?

Wtf! How heartless and nasty is that!?

I really feel he is only messaging you to make sure you're still in check and desperate for him to return.

You need to take control of things. You don't have to message him or end it to do that. Just read and delete. Do not reply to him.

Have him feeling like he's dangling for once and in the dark.

Sunshinelove8 · 31/12/2020 16:00

Of course op can do whatever she feels . We are only here to give opinions from our own experiences . We’ve all made mistakes and could have avoided them if we’d listened to others advice. It’s just important she doesn’t keep doing whatever she’s done before as that obviously hasn’t been working in this relationship or others . The definition of madness is doing the same thing and expecting a different result .
I really hope you are ok op , it’s such a horrible thing to go through and a shock. So much harder when you’re pregnant and can’t just down wine and stay up til all hours because you’ve got to look after yourself and bump . I’m glad you gave your mum there and keep talking to her and us , you will be ok , you’ve gone through a lot before and made it out the other side x

TJ17 · 31/12/2020 16:28

This shitstain of a man doesn't care if you're ok OP. That's not why he's asking!

He's just trying to keep you hanging on because he's actually enjoying this game!
All the pain and the hurt you are going through is all to feed his pathetic little ego.

Please stay strong and command some respect for yourself because you deserve more than this Thanks

One day this won't hurt anymore. Keep putting one foot in front of the other ❤️

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.