Heartbroken, he wants space.

[yulelogc]

Partner of a year, don't live together at the moment but had plans to very soon as I'm pregnant. Things were good I thought then tonight he said he needs space.. but that's it. He won't tell me how much space, or if it means we are together still I have no idea and whenever I ask he just says he doesn't want to hurt me and won't give me a straight answer. I'm heartbroken. I want to know where I stand but also don't want to push. I know I need to give him space but it's so hard 😔 please help me get through this I'm devastated and so confused.

So he said he wanted to talk tonight but didn’t call, kept you dangling waiting for his call. All the while he’s in the pub!

He’s the lowest of the low. He’s not thinking about you at all is he? The selfish arse!!

Take back the control OP. Try to get some sleep x

I'm going to have to end it arnt I? Else I'm going to be strung along... even if that's what He wants me to do

Yes. What he wants is irrelevant though. It's all about you and the baby now. Leave him, for you, for your future, for your baby. Leave him because you have self respect and refuse to be left dangling. Leave him with dignity, without fuss, without explanation. Leave him in a way that your future self will be proud of, and will be able to say 'He treated me with disrespect, and I simply walked away.'

I feel for you. You must be in such shock. I will you the strength to do the right thing for yourself. Remember that you are a good, kind, loving person, and that you deserve the best. Give yourself the best.

He's not a decent or kind person to treat you like this.
Listen to your Mum, sounds like she's got your back.

I reckon he’ll chase you when he realises he’s actually losing you

He panicked earlier because you weren’t messaging

I’m so sorry OP - you don’t want this unreliability in your life. Show him you aren’t going to put up with this appalling behaviour. Kick him to the curb.

You’ll get over him in no time

Thankfully you have a great supportive mum by your side who will help you when the baby arrives

You’ll get over him in no time

No. She is having his baby in a few weeks. She will be having him in her life for years.

There is nothing wrong with you op. The only mistake you made was falling for this con artist.

His actions are not a reflection on your value as a person - you are a Mum and you are growing a whole other human being. You will continue to love and nurture your kids and give birth to your lovely little baby and love and nurture them too.

You are doing something of true value while he shits his way through life hurting people.

nimbuscloud once the shock passes, I think OP will see him for what he is, and be glad he is gone as a partner, although of course, and I hope, he will continue to be around for the baby.

You wanted to believe the best, but there have been red flags surrounding this man from the beginning. As devastated as you are, you know this.

A “well off” man, he financially abused you for many months while living at yours during the week without contributing toward food and household expenses. He was well aware that you were struggling financially from being off work with pregnancy-related illness.

You agreed early on that he would officially move in before the baby arrived. That was your boundary, but he repeatedly ignored it. After you asked for a definite date, he gave you one, “then
another, then another.” He shut down any discussions you started about his procrastination and your concerns with “But you know I love you.”

During your first thread your eyes started opening. You put your foot down about the weekly cocklodging and said you wouldn’t see him until he actually moved in. He stropped and said
Not Fair, but eventually gave you some money and agreed to move in on 12/27. That morning when you chatted he didn’t even mention it, but eventually showed up with his daughter. Two days later, he announced that he needs space.

This man has no integrity. He has been blowing hot air, manipulating you to get his needs met. He talked the talk but never intended to walk the walk. You are understandably gutted, but it’s best to walk away from his toxicity now. He is a very poor role model for your children.

You are a survivor, OP, and you will go from strength to strength moving forward without this selfish, unreliable man.

I'm wondering if this is actually abuse? It seems like it to me and the reaction of OP is also of a typical abuse victim.

I'll cheerfully add him to #thelist. Would need details.

@yulelogc what he’s doing is brutal and unfair. I can understand you wanting to take some control, in your position I would do the same. However I think he does need sitting down and talking to because he needs to understand how not on this is- women feel incredibly vulnerable in pregnancy even when they’ve got a supportive partner. I remember at your stage both times feeling very insecure and weepy and a bit down. For him to do this now, after begging you to keep the baby, is not only shit in the context of being a decent human but is shit in the context of where you are in your life and in your pregnancy.

Sounds like you didn’t know him very well before getting pregnant. Was the pregnancy planned? If so, you’ve dodged a bullet as he is a cruel shit x

@Sunflower1970

Sounds like you didn’t know him very well before getting pregnant. Was the pregnancy planned? If so, you’ve dodged a bullet as he is a cruel shit x

OP has known him decades...but been in a relationship with him for just over a year..

@Sunflower1970

Sounds like you didn’t know him very well before getting pregnant. Was the pregnancy planned? If so, you’ve dodged a bullet as he is a cruel shit x

What makes you think that?

I slept from 1-3, been awake since then things going round in my head 😔. I miss him and the urge to tell him that is strong, but I haven't and I won't. I feel really dizzy, I did eat yesterday but literally a bite of toast, a bite of a cracker that was it, I couldn't face more and I only had that because my mum made me. I've been drinking only because she's making me too.
She's still with me, she's got to go home for a bit tomorrow but is coming back, she doesn't want me to be alone and to be honest I don't want to be either. This is hard 😔

Good luck OP. That man's behaviour is shocking, do not let him string you along. Ending it seems like the best way to deal with it.

OP I’m so sorry. Try rest as much as you can. Sounds like your mum is a great support, glad to hear you have a good support network. Don’t allow him to do this to you. Focus on yourself and your babies xx

I agree with @MsDogLady.
This “man” has been showing you who he is for ages now and he’s been let away with it.
As others have said previously, you seriously need to woman up and get a backbone strong enough to support you, your children and this baby. Quickly, before it starts affecting yours and baby health! 2 bits of food is not enough and you know this! DON’T let this arsehole cause hurt to your baby.

I'm sorry OP. A few years ago I was in a similar situation where my partner told me they wanted a break. This break lasted 14 days and was horrendous for me. They broke up with me in the end and turns out they cheated. I so wished I'd ended it during those 14 days. If someone truly wants to be with you then they don't need space to come to that conclusion. You just know it deep down.

It is hard @yulelogc it is

But please please please please trust me that hanging on , having him back, not facing up to who he is , hoping he'll change, losing more self respect ..... will make you feel like shit in a few months

Trust me

I know

I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt about getting scared about moving in and the baby. But after reading your update and him ringing you to say nothing, I'm changing my mind.

It sounds like the only reason he rang was to keep you hanging on, I also think it was because you didn't text him back and beg him to resume the relationship. I strongly suspect he wants to continue with the relationship, but in the half hearted way he was before you gave him the 'move in or fuck off' ultimatum'.

You need to think about tug it's enough to
Have the relationship without the commitment or to go or alone. Personally I don't think I could do the half committed relationship as you'll be left with the hard graft or child rearing and making all the sacrifices that come with that, whilst his life doesn't change and he can play Disney dad

I'm raging for you OP, and sending you a virtual hug because what he is doing to you is horrendously cruel. Don't allow yourself to becoming accustomed to shitty treatment. He is being absolutely vile to you whilst you are at your most vulnerable. This should be a happy, nurturing period for you, and he has pissed all over it. It will be very difficult for you to forgive and forget. I can only imagine how heart broken you are feeling. Please let your mum look after you and help you through your final weeks of pregnancy. I hope you have the strength to end things and move forward

@lilylongjohn I thought the same with my earlier post. However after reading OPs updates I think he is being very unfair.
Sending gentle hugs your way OP

This. 100% this. He wants you to get fed up and end it so he isn’t the bad guy leaving his pregnant girlfriend because he can’t cocklodge anymore.
Don’t give him the satisfaction of that. Simply block his number- then get yourself a new number. move ahead planning to have your baby with a solid support network of family and friends.
When he comes crawling, and he will, tell him your not going to wait around for him to choose you and your family over his single lifestyle.
I wouldn’t put him on the birth certificate tbh, you can add him on at a later date if he steps up but for now he doesn’t deserve any rights until he proves he is worthy of it. I wonder if he treated the mother of his other child this badly.
He’s a bellend- and I deserve better.

Im so sorry OP how awful at this late stage of pregnancy but you are seeing his true colours now. He is keeping you dangling to push you to end it so he’s not the bad one. Im so glad you have your mum and good friends for support. You can do it without him. You will “grieve” for him and it will hurt but it will pass. It doesnt sound like he enriched your life much.