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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Heartbroken, he wants space.

751 replies

yulelogc · 30/12/2020 01:04

Partner of a year, don't live together at the moment but had plans to very soon as I'm pregnant. Things were good I thought then tonight he said he needs space.. but that's it. He won't tell me how much space, or if it means we are together still I have no idea and whenever I ask he just says he doesn't want to hurt me and won't give me a straight answer. I'm heartbroken. I want to know where I stand but also don't want to push. I know I need to give him space but it's so hard 😔 please help me get through this I'm devastated and so confused.

OP posts:
MadeForThis · 30/12/2020 22:18

He doesn't want to be the one who dumps his pregnant girlfriend. He's going to be a dick until you dump him.

Stop giving him any power. He's showing you the real person he is.

Block him everywhere. Don't respond to him.

Windmillwhirl · 30/12/2020 22:18

He wants you to end it so he can say he asked for space and you dumped him. What a total coward.

Marmozet · 30/12/2020 22:19

He was at the pub!?

Jesus Christ how disgusting to just keep you dangling like that, when he's out drinking.

Marmozet · 30/12/2020 22:19

I agree with the others. He's waiting for you to end it.

SmileyClare · 30/12/2020 22:20

Are pubs even open?? I sense your excitement about pubs Honey but only in tier 2, maybe Yorkshire or the Midlands?

Original poster
yulelogc · 30/12/2020 22:21

So I'm going to end it tomorrow. My mum pointed out that if he really wanted me he would fight for me, but instead of wondering and him hanging me by a string I need to take control myself. So I will. He's been drinking tonight so I don't think he would take it seriously, but I'm going to end it tomorrow. As hard as it is, I have to remind myself if he wanted me he would fight, which we all know he isn't going to.

OP posts:
Original poster
yulelogc · 30/12/2020 22:21

And I'll block him till the babies due.

OP posts:
Clymene · 30/12/2020 22:22

@Windmillwhirl

He wants you to end it so he can say he asked for space and you dumped him. What a total coward.
Yep. He's a total coward. I'm sorry OP. He really can't sink any lower
MarieIVanArkleStinks · 30/12/2020 22:22

He was out in the pub.

But they are all closed. Hmm

SmileyClare · 30/12/2020 22:24

Your mum sounds great Op. Surround yourself with family and friends that love you. You must be exhausted after today, you poor thing. You're being very brave and strong, go you. X

Windmillwhirl · 30/12/2020 22:25

Well done. You need to take some control back. He's a total flake and your self esteem will improve when you put yourself first, not lay in wait for him x

Original poster
yulelogc · 30/12/2020 22:26

His pub is open. He was definitely in there! Not that it really matters, my hearts in bits I don't really care about the pubs!

I'm going to have to end it arnt I? Else I'm going to be strung along... even if that's what He wants me to do...

OP posts:
SmileyClare · 30/12/2020 22:26

I like the idea suggested up thread to look at this like withdrawing from an addictive drug. You will go through awful symptoms of withdrawal but you need to do this and you will gradually feel better as time goes on.

Original poster
yulelogc · 30/12/2020 22:27

@SmileyClare yeah I know you're right it's just so hard when you're in that stage of withdrawal, it fucking hurts 😔

OP posts:
Pegsonstrings · 30/12/2020 22:34

23 years ago I had the same phonecall as you, my ex wanted to end it and I was 8 weeks gone with his first child. We lived together, he was in his 30s I was in my late 20s. Turns out that he had been sleeping with someone else, made her pregnant and decided she was the better option. It was really hard to go through the pregnancy alone, and to give birth too, with my mum by my side. I am not saying this is what is happening to you, that your partner has someone hidden away, but just look after you, the baby and your kids. And before you know it you will start to feel better.

Honeyroar · 30/12/2020 22:37

But it’s hurting even while you’ve not dumped him..

I’m not excited about the pub thing. It just feels like ages since anyone could go to a pub here (I should be working in one!) that I wondered whether it was more bullshit from him.

greenspacesoverthere · 30/12/2020 22:39

If you don't end it and you get back together, @yulelogc you'll just be waiting for him to do this all over again

hocuspocus1922 · 30/12/2020 22:42

Ah op I feel so sad reading this .unfortunately and I know it's hard but you know deep down what the Answer is . He's changed his mind about what he wants but feel shit because you are pregnant so it's not that easy for him to leave . I don't think he had any intention in sticking around , moving in or anything . Or if he did then I 100 percent would say there's another women on the scene but I go with what it 1st said . I would 100 percent text him tonight and then block him . Let him drink him self stupid tonight and hopefully he will feel a tiny bit of how you are feeling at the end of it . Text him that you are too old for games . You and the baby deserve better and will get better . I know it's hard op . My ex up and left when my daughter was a baby . Was together ten years . I was devastated. Was begging him to come back . Crying on the floor to him I lost all my self respect ! He was loving it kept saying he didn't know what he wanted and to give him space . 6 months I suffered . I felt like somone had died . I was finally feeling a tiny bit better then all of a sudden he wants to come back ! I was so happy . Turns out he had been with somone else and it didn't work out so of course me being pathetic he knew I would be there welcoming him back . I'm so angry with my self for being the way I was . I left him in the end and it was the best decision. You can do this op . But you do need him out of your life . Any does what happened to his ex ? Did he up and leave her too ? X

queenofknives · 30/12/2020 22:42

Oh how awful Flowers

What an absolute fucking bastard. What a deceitful, cruel, nasty, selfish piece of shit. You deserve so much better. His behaviour is abusive and controlling. He wants you to blame yourself, to be devasated and desperate for answers while he is out having fun in the pub. I know it doesn't feel like it now but you are well shot of him. This is hard but it will get easier in time, you will find your anger and it will power you through. I'm glad you have your mum there, she sounds lovely.

hocuspocus1922 · 30/12/2020 22:43

@greenspacesoverthere

If you don't end it and you get back together, *@yulelogc* you'll just be waiting for him to do this all over again
Spot on . If he isn't settled now he will never be and he will up and go constantly through out the years until either you have enough and don't take his shit anymore or he never comes back
CattyP89 · 30/12/2020 22:53

Your mums right. You don’t need him. He’s left you when you needed him most. Be strong you can and will do this and yes it will hurt and yes it will feel shit but it will pass you have your mum your children and your friends and soon a baby that will feel you with so much love. You don’t want a partner whose done this it’s not right.

wishywashywoowoo70 · 30/12/2020 22:56

I'd just go silent on him now.
If you think he's trying to make you leave him to make himself feel better then don't give him the satisfaction.

Just look after yourself now, wallow and cry it out but no contact unless he gets in touch. If he wants to leave then make him say so

BlueThistles · 30/12/2020 22:57

He is a selfish vile twat OP... his behaviour screams DICK ... he WANTS YOU to end this ... so he can't be the one to walk out on the woman carrying his child... this is what he wants.. for you to call it quits...

None of this matters ... you have taken control back... good for you..

look after yourself and your kids now OP 🌺💕

Charlie63849 · 30/12/2020 23:00

@Marmozet

He was at the pub!?

Jesus Christ how disgusting to just keep you dangling like that, when he's out drinking.

This was my first thoughts.

So sorry OPFlowers

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 30/12/2020 23:10

His pub is open. He was definitely in there! Not that it really matters, my hearts in bits I don't really care about the pubs!

I think you are either wilfully missing the point or inadvertently hitting the nail on the head, OP.

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