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Original poster

Heartbroken, he wants space.

751 replies

yulelogc · 30/12/2020 01:04

Partner of a year, don't live together at the moment but had plans to very soon as I'm pregnant. Things were good I thought then tonight he said he needs space.. but that's it. He won't tell me how much space, or if it means we are together still I have no idea and whenever I ask he just says he doesn't want to hurt me and won't give me a straight answer. I'm heartbroken. I want to know where I stand but also don't want to push. I know I need to give him space but it's so hard 😔 please help me get through this I'm devastated and so confused.

OP posts:
hashbrownsandwich · 30/12/2020 20:52

When he calls don't answer. Give it 24 hours and text and say sorry you were busy sorting some bits out. Play it cool. Easier said than done but you'll be reaping the benefits in the end.

LockdownLady1 · 30/12/2020 20:52

Sending you massive hugs. I have been in a very similar situation to you. This year fell pregnant early on with boyfriends baby. I had just moved into his with my kids - who adored him (in 4 years being single i'd never introduced them to anyone I was dating.) Anyway on moving in I found out loads of things he'd lied about. Then he kicks me out when I'm pregnant saying he needs space etc. I end up terminating the pregnancy (something I never wanted to do) but he said he couldn't cope with it so early on etc. Stupidly I got back with him but recently yet again I've caught him out in lies, all the delays on moving in again....people will say we're crazy for being with people like this but obviously it's not all bad.
This guy was my best friend, and my kids adored him. However I do now have to be real with myself as do you. I know it's going to be harder for you as you have even more emotions due to being pregnant. But even if you take him back, always have a plan B now. Because he has PROVED he can't be relied on. He was backed out when you need him the most and so now you need to be strong for you and your baby in case your baby only has you.

And yes I agree with others, do not give the baby his surname - if down the line things work out and he proposes then fine but right now do not give him control over your child when he can't even decide if he's sticking around.

Fuckstickss · 30/12/2020 20:53

He really is a cowardly piece of dog shit isn't he.

I'm not sure I'd even want to hear what he has to say at this point.

Honeyroar · 30/12/2020 20:54

He surpasses himself with his selfishness and unreliability every time. 😔.

Eckhart · 30/12/2020 20:57

@hashbrownsandwich

When he calls don't answer. Give it 24 hours and text and say sorry you were busy sorting some bits out. Play it cool. Easier said than done but you'll be reaping the benefits in the end.
This is game playing. What are the benefits you forsee?
Honeyroar · 30/12/2020 21:00

I agree - what benefits does prolonging this reap? Really the only thing sensible to do now is to say “ENOUGH!” And dump him. OP needs to concentrate on herself and the baby- this stress cannot be doing any good.xx

SmileyClare · 30/12/2020 21:01

Maybe he's charming, nice looking, fun, talks the talk. Underneath he's a Child. Self serving and lacking compassion.
The way he's treated you is unforgivable Op.

Your self esteem will end up in tatters at this rate Sad

DianaT1969 · 30/12/2020 21:13

I'm angry on your behalf OP. You sound lovely and I bet you're a great mum. Stay strong and look after yourself. 💐

PinkiOcelot · 30/12/2020 21:24

I’ve just read your whole thread. I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP.
What a twat. He wanted to talk tonight but sorting stuff out is more important. Bollocks is it. It’s just more twattery. What a bastard!!

youvegottenminuteslynn · 30/12/2020 21:34

I think PP's suggestion of saying that the waiting around is unhealthy for you (and therefore baby) so let's talk on X day at X time is a really solid one. Otherwise you're existing in this terrible purgatory and every notification on your phone will make you anxious. Sorry you're going through this OP Thanks

nimbuscloud · 30/12/2020 21:45

When he calls don't answer. Give it 24 hours and text and say sorry you were busy sorting some bits out. Play it cool. Easier said than done but you'll be reaping the benefits in the end.

WTF?? What benefits exactly???? This man is nothing but a user. He has inveigled his way into the op’s life and home and the lives and home of her other children. He has nothing to offer any of them.

Original poster
yulelogc · 30/12/2020 21:48

He was out in the pub. Did eventually talk to him but got no answers really. He just said he doesn't know what he wants... feels shit about himself... so the conversation was pointless really. He said he needs space, but he was the one who asked to talk in the first place! Now I've got to give him more space. I'm just going to leave it. If he messages asking about the baby I won't be messaging back.

OP posts:
Pollypocket89 · 30/12/2020 21:55

You need to take control and end it. I know that's a lot easier said than fine but for your own sake, stop letting him make decisions about YOUR life x

AnImposter · 30/12/2020 21:55

I think the asking to talk bollocks was just checking your still there dangling for whenever he feels like it. Don't let him do that to you again xxxx

RudolphReindeersFrostyBaubles · 30/12/2020 21:55

You have your “answer”.

Please just block him now and forget him. He’s a piece of shit.

Concentrate on your children and your nearly-here baby... exciting!!!

Hugs. Flowers

Isthisit22 · 30/12/2020 21:57

Unfortunately this is what PP suspected when they advised you not to take the call. He was never going to be man enough to end it. He just wants to keep you dangling.
It is so cruel of him to go to the pub and keep you waiting all night.
Please seize the power and stop contact for a while--you will feel stronger as times goes on. If you continue to let him contact you then you will feel like this each day and recovery will take longer. 💐

IamMariahScarey · 30/12/2020 22:00

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tropicalwaterdiver · 30/12/2020 22:02

He was in the pub? OP, sorry but you are not on his priority list.
There is no point talking to him - he wants you to make a decision.
Give him what he want and bloke him everywhere. Take your time to calm down and make plans and arrangements for the baby. Hugs....

Eckhart · 30/12/2020 22:03

He just said he doesn't know what he wants... feels shit about himself

He he he himself.

No mention of you or the baby, then.

He said he needs space

Did he show any concern for your needs? Did you mention them?

SmileyClare · 30/12/2020 22:07

He knows exactly what he wants.
He wants a single life, to go out with his mates and a baby mummy keeping a bed warm for him, who'll put no expectations on him, he wants a nice family home he can visit now and then for sex, cooked food, a bit of female company but he doesn't want any responsibility or commitment. He wants to stay out all night when he chooses, drop in and out ,he wants zero hassle and he wants you to be insecure enough to accept all that.

He can't tell you that in words because you'd run a fucking mile but he's telling you that by his actions.

Honeyroar · 30/12/2020 22:08

He knows exactly what he wants but he hasn’t got the balls to tell you. So he thinks it’s easier to fuck off to the pub leaving his heavily pregnant girlfriend stressed and upset. He’s unbelievable- you’d think he enjoys mentally torturing you.

I hope you’re ok and have your mum/someone with you.

Windmillwhirl · 30/12/2020 22:11

I think you are holding onto a fantasy that he will commit to you and the baby and you will live happily ever after.

Look at the sum of his actions so far. He's kept none of his promises to you.

cordelia16 · 30/12/2020 22:11

@Isthisit22

Unfortunately this is what PP suspected when they advised you not to take the call. He was never going to be man enough to end it. He just wants to keep you dangling. It is so cruel of him to go to the pub and keep you waiting all night. Please seize the power and stop contact for a while--you will feel stronger as times goes on. If you continue to let him contact you then you will feel like this each day and recovery will take longer. 💐
Exactly this ^^
Honeyroar · 30/12/2020 22:13

I’m livid at him “I’m sorting something out” when he’s in the pub! (are pubs even open??)

cherrypie790 · 30/12/2020 22:15

What he is doing to you is cruel. And not the actions of someone who loves you.

Order yourself a new SIM card online tonight, change your number and send one last text saying that you are unwilling to listen to any of his crap any more, and that you will be in touch when the baby is here so that you can work out access and maintenance.

This baby needs a fierce mum here - give yourself time to grieve what you thought would be, then embrace what really is. You have a healthy baby on the way that will bring you joy and light - he's the loser here, lovely, not you Flowers

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