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Original poster

DH in a sulk over Simon Cowell

149 replies

Wildthingsx · 29/12/2020 12:12

This morning I wrote a comment on a post about Shag Marry Avoiding Simon Cowell, and my husband is now in a huge sulk that I have written I would shag Simon Cowell from the 90s. (I would avoid early 00s Cowell and marry current Cowell, for anyone who is interested....) my comments were jokey and in the spirit of the post.

I mentioned it to him as I thought my comment was amusing, clearly a joke (I wouldnt shag ANY Cowell!) and a few hundred people have ‘liked’ it for its silliness, but he has told me to stay away from him, that I am not a ‘nice wife’ for writing this on the internet and that if I think like that then he is ‘out’. He also threw a pillow at me as I walked out the room and is giving off those sulky negative vibes that make me feel I should avoid him.

This is not the first time something like this has happened - although I have never commented on Simon Cowell before 😅 nor do I take part in these types of posts usually! Infact I never compare men or make lewd comments. As he is insecure and I tread very carefully....

I know this isn’t an AIBU but am I?

OP posts:

Jen8789 · 31/12/2020 06:22

@AccidentallyOnPurpose

I actually think people who like judging and rating people on this level for "fun" are just arseholes. To do it as a teenager is bad enough. To do it publicly as an adult is pathetic. So yeah, if this is "fun".... Then I highly suspect you aren't.

Eckhart · 31/12/2020 06:49

@Jen8789

Whereas judging and rating people at the level you prefer is a respectable activity..?

Jen8789 · 31/12/2020 06:56

@Eckhart

I thought that when I wrote it, but if I describe it as "fun" then that's okay isn't it? Turns out it's alright to be an arsehole as long as you have "fun" doing it. Who knew. Anyway it's hardly the same is it? Giving my opinion about people who participate in this kind of thing is hardly the same as judging named people in a demeaning way.

Eckhart · 31/12/2020 07:01

Yes, it's totally different when it's you doing it. That's right.

Jen8789 · 31/12/2020 07:13

@eckhart

Wow. Your argument reminds me of being on the playground it's so simplistic. So thanks for that

What you're saying is no one can ever critisise a judgemental.practice because they are being judgemental in judging it.

Well call me judgemental, I'm not really bothered. But adults who judge others publicly on these kinds of lists are still pathetic.

Eckhart · 31/12/2020 07:40

Yes, it is fairly basic.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 31/12/2020 07:51

[quote Jen8789]@AccidentallyOnPurpose

Given your language , particularly on this thread where it's obvious OP is in need of support do you really want to talk about arseholes?

Jen8789 · 31/12/2020 07:58

@AccidentallyOnPurpose

If that's your way of calling me an arsehole, I hate to disappoint you but your opinion on me means nothing. The OP doesn't need support to the degree whereby I'm not allowed to have my opinion on something unkind. She's an adult who has control over her own life and her own decisions.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 31/12/2020 08:01

It's way too early. Sure.. whatever floats your boat.

shallbe · 31/12/2020 08:44

How many posters would be calling a man a creep for doing a public response on whether he'd shag, marry, avoid Kelly Brook at what stage of her life? Different people have different senses of humour, some people won't bat an eye lid at someone saying things like "they'd tap that" online other people are more reserved. Yes he might be a bit OTT and I think people are laughing at him more as he is male, but I don't think his feelings should be invalidated tbh.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 31/12/2020 08:51

@shallbe

Who are you talking about? OP's husband or Simon Cowell?

MandB23 · 31/12/2020 08:52

I know the post. I found it hilarious.
I didn’t really consider it the way some pp’s have - as in being judgemental about Simon cowell. I think they may change their minds if they actually saw the post and the way it was done. Although I do see their point and if you reverse genders maybe it is a bit wrong. But that’s not the point here.

I’m an insecure person and I work hard at bettering this aspect of myself. My DH has given me reason to be insecure so that’s my excuse. But even with saying that - I wouldn’t feel threatened by a post like yours. It’s not threatening because it’s a joke and clearly you don’t want to marry or shag Simon cowell. Seems like a pride thing. But also from the other things you’ve said, it sounds like their are wider issues with his self esteem or potentially controlling nature? Commenting on how you dress is totally wrong and I imagine you’re second guessing your choices and actions and is that really fair?

Anniegetyourgun · 31/12/2020 08:56

Now, I'm a mature woman (in years at least) with a very old-fashioned outlook even for my age, and I despise Instagram, Facebook and all their works. I'd go so far as to describe myself as a prude. However, I don't see there's much to grumble about in the OP's silly response to a silly comment - it's just, you know, silly, and everybody should be allowed to be silly once in a while or we may as well climb into the box right now and wait for the lid to be nailed down. I can't believe several posters are being so po-faced about it as to make me look wild. Bad taste? If you like. Bad wife? Hell no.

I am also triumphantly divorced from a man who sounds like a less scary version of yours, and for very similar reasons. I spent 25 years trying to placate him because it was all his insecurity and one day he would realise I wasn't "like that" etc. We almost split up one time because he had a huge strop over a Mastermind contestant who he said I fancied (I did not, and he had completely misinterpreted my comment, probably on purpose). I am a very conservative dresser, but somehow he managed to see my outfit as provocative, including throwing a big production number when I came home on a hot day with the top button of my shirt undone . I learned to drive before I met him, but he would still insist on driving us everywhere until I'd almost forgotten how! When I called time he said he would keep the house and the DC and I would have to move out and still pay the bills. This did not happen.

Start working out how you could manage without him. You should never be 100% dependent on another person anyway; suppose they were run over by a bus? Think how you would cope, because you would, and you have the basis of a plan.

shallbe · 31/12/2020 08:59

@AccidentallyOnPurpose the DH (although I'm not condoning the extent of his sulk!)

MandB23 · 31/12/2020 08:59

Is he aware he has issues??
Because that’s important.
Is he aware that commenting on how you dress is unfair and does he acknowledge that he may have work to do?

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 31/12/2020 09:04

[quote shallbe]@AccidentallyOnPurpose the DH (although I'm not condoning the extent of his sulk!)[/quote]
Would I fuck validate the feelings of a man who:

1.makes comments himself about real life women.
2.comments on my work clothes

Is against me learning to drive

4.threatened divorce and threw things at me because he got angry/hurt

Makes me feel afraid

Fuck that shit.

shallbe · 31/12/2020 09:10

@AccidentallyOnPurpose I didn't read the drip feeding, I'm just responding to the matter of the thread which is about someone talking about sex on social media. If the genders were reversed we'd be calling the OP a creep, but instead posters are laughing at the husband. Fair enough if he is a dick but if that's the case the thread should have a different title and overarching theme.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 31/12/2020 09:11

[quote shallbe]@AccidentallyOnPurpose I didn't read the drip feeding, I'm just responding to the matter of the thread which is about someone talking about sex on social media. If the genders were reversed we'd be calling the OP a creep, but instead posters are laughing at the husband. Fair enough if he is a dick but if that's the case the thread should have a different title and overarching theme.[/quote]
Yes because no other thread ever in Relationships started small and then it turned out to be a much bigger issue.

Original poster

Wildthingsx · 02/01/2021 11:38

@Anniegetyourgun Thankyou so much I feel like your insight is so helpful.

I can’t help but feel I am waiting for a big ‘event’ to happen (a proper argument, or sulking episode)

We did have a long chat, and he has told me several times over the last few days that he thinks me I don’t love him. It’s made me evaluate my feelings and I am struggling to find romantic love there.

We were close friends before we were togehter, and I feel part of my reasons for staying is the thought of losing a friend, our close relationship and all the good parts. It took a few days of talking but he has accepted he needs to make some changes. - will these ever happen? This behaviour has gone on for YEARS.

I know I would manage independently, although it would be a struggle at first.
I actually worry he wouldn’t cope, as I have taken on the majority of the mental load for many years - he doesn’t even know simple passwords for our bills, or how to budget properly.

I feel so scared to speak to him properly, like if I admit any of these feelings I’ll never be able to take them back. :/ x

OP posts:

Eckhart · 02/01/2021 12:06

I actually worry he wouldn’t cope, as I have taken on the majority of the mental load for many years - he doesn’t even know simple passwords for our bills, or how to budget properly

You have your 'lines of responsibility' set to 'very very fuzzy'. You are not responsible for him, beyond respecting him and sticking to any agreements you make. So if you decide to split up, he can set his own account passwords for his own accounts. If he doesn't know how to budget, he'll manage his money badly. That's his gubbins.

Whilst you are worrying about taking responsibility for things that are his business, you are neglecting your own main responsibility in life: Engaging with and responding to your emotions.

I feel so scared to speak to him properly, like if I admit any of these feelings I’ll never be able to take them back

Why on earth would you want to take them back? Own them, these feelings. March around the world authoritatively having your feelings and responding to them in the appropriate way. You have all the power to make yourself happy, and nobody who loves you will stand in the way of that. Set your boundaries. You don't have to tell him it's over, but you can tell him what you need to feel happy. 'I need to be in a relationship where I can x, y and z. Are you able to support me with this?' You don't have to control him or tell him what to do. It's about you. You will put the responsibilities in the right place. You have said what you need, and he can choose to do whatever he wants.

This is the only thing you need to do, in life, to make yourself happy: Make sure that you, and others, are responding appropriately to your feelings, and stay away from people who don't.

billy1966 · 02/01/2021 13:16

OP,

He is not your responsibility.
He is not your child.

He has used you for years.
How convenient.

By all means give up your life, your future, your chance of a decent relationship if you want to.

Nobody can force you to do anything.

But I think you would be wrong.

You are being controlled and manipulated by a very selfish man.

You'll have to decide for yourself if you are happy for this life, for the rest of your days.

I think you should get out and get away from him.

He'll be fine.
He'll find some other mug to look after him.

AnyFucker · 02/01/2021 13:27

He's a loser in what sounds several different ways

Don't keep your wagon hitched to a man like this. You have your own life to lead and it shouldn't include carrying an inadequste passenger like him.

This is the 2nd time I have put Julia on here today.

DrFoxtrot · 02/01/2021 13:30

My XH had the same things to say when I posted a photo of me posing with a random man dressed as a cartoon character.

He was controlling, in similar ways to those you have described OP. It took me about five years from recognising it to being able to find the courage to leave. My self esteem was shot to pieces.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say really. I think you know the marriage isn't what it's supposed to be, it's a big leap to say it out loud and not be able to take it back. One day, you'll feel able to say it.

Littlepeetree · 02/01/2021 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AnyFucker · 02/01/2021 19:58

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