New bf but he doesn’t find me sexually attractive

[Confusedashell12]

Both in mid / late 30s. I ended it because nearly 1 year into the relationship he says he doesn’t find me sexually attractive but absolutely adores and loves everything else about me. He was totally into me physically in the beginning, it was intense. It wasn’t put on. It was real. The sex was good. All his mates said he was punching with me. I am told by friends, colleagues etc that I’m very attractive physically, this isn’t me bragging. I’ll lose my looks eventually like everyone else, personality is so much more important. Just don’t understand what has gone on with him? He says he prefers toned and skinny women yet I am a size 10 with a perfectly fine body mass index. He doesn’t have muscles or a six pack I am careful about what I eat and I do some exercise but nothing too intense. So confused

OP, my ex was like this and I think it's designed to slowly chip away at your confidence. Please don't doubt yourself. You say he would frequently make little comments. A nice person wouldn't do that!

I hope you find a partner who makes you feel valued.

He’s a knob. Don’t look at yourself, he is the one with the issue.

More likely, he wants an excuse to go and shag whoever he likes and can’t commit to you and that’s his excuse.

he's a nasty twat- steer clear.

I think it's designed to slowly chip away at your confidence

yup.

He sounds like he has some issues. It's very misogynistic to expect women to be perfect. To sum up it's not about you it's him. So the best advice I can give is stop giving it heads pace as there's actually not anything you can do to fix yourself as it's not about you.

He sounds manipulative and nasty. Well done for leaving him now. Please don't go back.

To say he prefers skinny and toned woman when you yourself are a size 10! You are slim, size 10 is perfect, you don't want to be losing weight for him x

Wow! Who made him God's gift??
I wouldn't give him another thought Op.
He's a twat and you deserve better.

Sounds like he doesn't fancy women, full stop.

My last boyfriend was always telling me how gorgeous I am, I'm not but 😊, my friend's bf tells her "I forget how beautiful you are" every time they FaceTime

Find a man like that, after all if you don't fancy your partner or them you, what is the point? You may aswell just be friends.

i think he does fancy her - i think the plan was to get her to hate herself and to jump through hoops for his attention.

otherwise, he'd do what 'normal' people do and say 'hey im not feeling this anymore, lets call it a day'

youre well out of it, op.

yupp, he fancied her he just wanted the balance of power back. She was happy in her job and feeling good,and he wanted to take her down a bit, let her know she was lucky to have him.

He’s a twat and you’re so much better off without him

@Smallgoon

Have you read Op post thread properly at all?(you obviously haven't have you,😕

Its Crystal clear why the other posters most of them think this is a classic case of a guy who is very, insecure emotionally manipulating Op in this way,so he feels a lot better about himself.

Its a Very Severe Case of Small Cock insecurity Syndrome 😂😂😂
He even told Op earlier on in their relantship,he wasn't sure if he find her sexually actractive in bed,
And he often makes general nasty Critical comments about women's bodies and ex girlfriends bodies too,
Even the slightest imperfections, he will Judge on,
Expects all women, to look like a super fashion models parading down the catwalk..
I bet Op ex does not look perfect/or is perfect that's for sure.

That why he critises all women who have the misfortune to come across this nasty piece of work Ex of Ops.
He is a Arsehole 100 Cent.

Op he couldn't satisfy you sexually in bed Anyway.
Cause he is a shit head and has a tweeny size Cock😂

He sounds horribly critical of women. Is he a supermodel himself???

I think he’s got ishoos...
And I don’t blame you for finding it confusing!
Definitely a case of it’s not you it’s him

Probably just accept you’ll never quite understand it but it’s definitely all tied up with his sexual/self esteem /small dick issues in my opinion

What a head fuck. I wonder which one of your 'faults' he'll be helpfully pointing out next
Dump.

I did turn a bit detective on my ex, who was similar but not as bad as the OP's. He kept dumping me but just said it was because he was "bad at relationships" (at 40!).

After some FB sleuthing, I found some fkirti g online with another woman around the time he ended it with me. We had mutual friends in common, so I asked some subtle questions and it turned out he had been cheating on me with her. She had no idea. By the time I found this out, he'd already dumped her once and taken her back, only to dump her again.

I added her on FB and we've now become friends. Turned out he used exactly the same phrases when dumping her as me.

One of my other friends I hadn't seen for a while that I also got in touch with also told she'd seen him all over another woman at the time he was in a relationship with me! A male friend then told me that he had actually had a long term girlfriend in a LDR that my ex had sworn him not to tell me about several years before when we had initially got together.

I'm sure there's more and that I haven't found out everything but what I did find out was enough to put me right off him, as he was actually a completely different person than the one I fell for.

My ex presents as a slightly shy guy and insists he likes his own company, needs a lot of time to himself but in reality he just sleeps around and goes from one woman to another. He also likes to cultivate the notion, never quite answered, that he might be gay. Which is actually a really good front for sleeping around and messing women about. It's a good way of getting sex without commitment, which is normally quite difficult for men after the age of about 35, unless they live in nightclubs or are a ski instructor!

Awful man. You are better off without him. Commitment phobe might be the reason, but in any case, the way he expressed it is just not on.

Some men deserve to be single all their life.

Hmm. Either a raving mysoginist (sp) or possibly gay. Some similarities with a XH, who actually I always suspected may be (there were other habits which I ignored at the time, but were like a Chairman Mao event). A gay friend once told me he could possibly have sex with a woman, but she would have to be absolutely gorgeous to do it for him. I realise he is in no way representative of all gay men, but I thought it was food for thought. Either way, have no truck with this sort of bloke. Plenty of men out there who will fancy the pants off you.

Many people thought my ex could have been gay, including his family. However, the reality was that he was a serial cheat who had sexual hang ups and self esteem issues.

His insecurities were projected onto his victims and he used the guise of mental health to worm his way out of relationships before immediately diving headfirst into the next. I believe he enjoys new relationships as he likes the initial lust/high but he cannot maintain this, then the shit hits the fan.

There was a clear cycle with him, every few months: very sexually actively, relationship goes well, vulnerabilities revealed, backs of sexually, "depressive episode" ensues, pushed me away. I stupidly gave him more than one chance, to my detriment. However, I didn't realise he was a dirty fucking cheat, until very recently.

Whilst he could be gay, he might just have sexual hang ups. These type of men tend to go for attractive, strong, confident women, who have all the qualities they will never have. Then they drain their energy with their manipulation. Emotional vampires.

Interestingly, (and I kniw yiure not meant to diagnose on here, so I'm not) I read that psychopaths, of which narcissism is a type, aren't at all discriminate with who they have sex with. Women, men, ugly people, beautiful people - they don't care as long as they have that initial excitement of satisfying a craving with a new sexual partner. In other words, they're promiscuous.

He sounds horrible. He is insecure and unhappy with himself, so pulls down women. Brilliant. So glad you dumped him.

A gay man will not have sex, or be attracted sexually to a woman. One who does is bisexual.

My gay mate told me that true gay men cannot even get an erection with a woman..

Anyway OP, you are well rid. He sounds awful.

Even before we slept together he said he didn’t know it he’d find me sexually attractive in bed.

He wouldn't have got as far as my bed, if this had been me.

Nor me.

@Confusedashell12

I think he’s being honest - he doesn’t find me sexually attractive, rather than negging me.

So if you had not of ended things what would have happened? How old is he OP?

Did he not know he wanted a woman below a size 10 dress size when he first met you?

He sounds lovely OP.

A gay man will not have sex, or be attracted sexually to a woman

You can’t be serious on the first? I thought everyone knew that many many gay men, now and historically, married and had children. And had sex with their wives.

I mean look at Philip schofield as a recent example. He is a gay man who has had sex with women. It is not uncommon.

Sex for a man is very different, they react to touch, and can perform based on the physical reaction only, but don’t, to be blunt. Get up close and personal with female genitalia.

Even if OP's ex is gay, he's still a misogynistic negging prick.