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Original poster

New bf but he doesn’t find me sexually attractive

154 replies

Confusedashell12 · 28/12/2020 21:06

Both in mid / late 30s. I ended it because nearly 1 year into the relationship he says he doesn’t find me sexually attractive but absolutely adores and loves everything else about me. He was totally into me physically in the beginning, it was intense. It wasn’t put on. It was real. The sex was good. All his mates said he was punching with me. I am told by friends, colleagues etc that I’m very attractive physically, this isn’t me bragging. I’ll lose my looks eventually like everyone else, personality is so much more important. Just don’t understand what has gone on with him? He says he prefers toned and skinny women yet I am a size 10 with a perfectly fine body mass index. He doesn’t have muscles or a six pack Hmm I am careful about what I eat and I do some exercise but nothing too intense. So confused Confused

OP posts:
Weirdfan · 28/12/2020 21:49

Whatever his reasons they were 100% about him OP, he sounds pathetic tbh. You are allowed to be sad, of course you are but sad that he turned out to be a bellend, not sad that he's gone yes? And not for too long, he clearly has problems but they're not yours to worry about, onwards and upwards Flowers

Frauhubert · 28/12/2020 21:50

Ok... I have broken up with my ex because I didn’t find him sexually attractive anymore. That was the reason and I told him the truth. Did I make a massive faux pas??? You got me thinking.

Audreyseyebrows · 28/12/2020 21:51

He was intimidated by you and tried to make you feel worthless. Don’t let him!

PrincessNutNutRoast · 28/12/2020 21:52

@Frauhubert

Ok... I have broken up with my ex because I didn’t find him sexually attractive anymore. That was the reason and I told him the truth. Did I make a massive faux pas??? You got me thinking.
I assume you didn't put it quite like that when you broke up, and you didn't spend the relationship pontificating to him about whether you were attracted to him, and criticising other men's looks even when they were nothing to do with you?
ginandwineandbaileys · 28/12/2020 21:54

This sounds like my ex. He always enjoyed bringing down attractive women. Don't give him any more mental room. You're too good for him, find someone else that is good enough for you

Original poster
Confusedashell12 · 28/12/2020 21:57

His first gf was absolutely gorgeous. She was overweight, possibly obese thought. An absolutely stunning face though - like a supermodel. He was engaged with her for a while but stopped having sex with her and they called off their engagement eventually.

I know, I shouldn’t have gone there with him, but I just assumed he’d grown up because his ex was from 10 years ago!

OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 28/12/2020 21:59

Stop wasting head space on him, it’s not worth it.

I dated a guy once who didn’t find me that attractive because he preferred large women.

Tiddlywinkly · 28/12/2020 22:00

I read your initial post and your reply. I know that you've broken up. I'll repeat my first comment - move on.

He's not someone you want in your life. Don't waste your time. There's someone out there who is worth it. Walk away from any further communication with him.

Original poster
Confusedashell12 · 28/12/2020 22:01

Just to add I am thin! I told him there wasn’t anything wrong with my body and wished him well. He tried to say sex isn’t important and we didn’t have to try to force it Blush er, no thanks mate.

OP posts:
JinglingHellsBells · 28/12/2020 22:01

I'm sorry OP.

TBH sometimes everyone just 'goes off' someone they initially found attractive and often it's more about their issues than the other person.

I don't know what 'negging' is- sorry!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you but for whatever reason this man wanted to end it and perhaps he found it 'easiest' to say he didn't fancy you any more than dealing with the real issue- most likely his.

TRY to put it behind you- he's not worth the headspace.

partyatthepalace · 28/12/2020 22:01

He’s a dick.

Just dump

Original poster
Confusedashell12 · 28/12/2020 22:02

He didn’t want to break up JinglingHellsBells I told him it was over and he tried to persuade me sex isn’t important

OP posts:
CodenameVillanelle · 28/12/2020 22:02

How can you say he said this out of the blue when you also say he didn't know if he could have sex with you from the beginning and he pointed out your flaws?
He's a nasty inadequate misogynist and that's all the explanation you need.

abitofpeace · 28/12/2020 22:04

He sounds weird and controlling, ditch him!

Original poster
Confusedashell12 · 28/12/2020 22:04

Thanks for all your comments everyone

I’m starting to believe he’s a spiteful little manipulator

There were elements of misogyny in him, I started to notice

I genuinely believed he just didn’t fancy me but that made no sense given his behaviours

I can’t believe there are men like this in the world Confused

OP posts:
saraclara · 28/12/2020 22:05

It's okay to end a relationship with someone because they don't turn you on any more. Better at least than the other person ending up committed to someone who won't have sex with them, and doesn't say why.

But it sounds like he has this problem with every woman. So you're better off out.

Original poster
Confusedashell12 · 28/12/2020 22:06

Because after he made that comment, about not being sure, we had sex and then he couldn’t keep his hands off me CodenameVillanelle I thought things were fine before he suddenly announced he didn’t find me sexually attractive after instigating lots of sex

OP posts:
PrincessNutNutRoast · 28/12/2020 22:07

@Confusedashell12

Thanks for all your comments everyone

I’m starting to believe he’s a spiteful little manipulator

There were elements of misogyny in him, I started to notice

I genuinely believed he just didn’t fancy me but that made no sense given his behaviours

I can’t believe there are men like this in the world Confused

You don't have to put up with them or give them any headspace.
SnowyOwlWan · 28/12/2020 22:08

eugh, he's one of those very ordinary men who thinks the world owes him pretty.

I agree with somebody upthread. You think he's not negging, just telling the truth, but I'm not so sure. He's putting you in your place because you're radiating happiness.

Also, even if it is ''the truth'', wtf, would you say to him, You're only 5'9'' I prefer tall men, just being honest. Or you're a bit thin on top now, tbh I prefer men with a luxuriant head of hair. No, cos it's pointless.

category12 · 28/12/2020 22:08

Seems like he has massive issues and probably sexual dysfunction that he blames on whatever woman he's with rather than looking at the actual cause.

Weirdfan · 28/12/2020 22:09

No wonder you're confused OP, he sounds utterly bizarre! You could spend years trying to figure it out and still get nowhere I reckon, I still think 'he's a bellend' is all the answer you really need Flowers

SnowyOwlWan · 28/12/2020 22:10

ps, and I'm not dissing men who aren't six footers rocking six packs. What I mean is, most men have a bit of self awareness and feel lucky to have you and don't bloody well insult you to your face because they don't want to lose you insulting you Confused

SnowyOwlWan · 28/12/2020 22:12

Was he very shocked when you ended it @Confusedashell12 ??

funnyoldonion · 28/12/2020 22:12

He sounds like a prick with a massive porn habit

CherryPieface · 28/12/2020 22:13

Sounds like you are well out of it OP! A ‘lunch tummy’!!

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