New bf but he doesn’t find me sexually attractive

[Confusedashell12]

Both in mid / late 30s. I ended it because nearly 1 year into the relationship he says he doesn’t find me sexually attractive but absolutely adores and loves everything else about me. He was totally into me physically in the beginning, it was intense. It wasn’t put on. It was real. The sex was good. All his mates said he was punching with me. I am told by friends, colleagues etc that I’m very attractive physically, this isn’t me bragging. I’ll lose my looks eventually like everyone else, personality is so much more important. Just don’t understand what has gone on with him? He says he prefers toned and skinny women yet I am a size 10 with a perfectly fine body mass index. He doesn’t have muscles or a six pack I am careful about what I eat and I do some exercise but nothing too intense. So confused

That's unusually late for someone to lose their virginity.

Methinks he has ishoos of some sort.

His behaviour in your relationship confirms that he has ishoos.

But that's up to him to explore with a psychologist/psychiatrist. Which he probably won't do.

You did exactly the right and self respecting thing by ending the relationship and refusing to go along with his suggestion.

Anyway - blokes with small peckers; often seem to be fked up. Plus penetrative sex us always going to be a bit meh. And perhaps even more meh after a couple of babies.

Incidentally blokes I've heard of who go for really thin women and are super picky, ended up being gay.

(And I'm not shaming blokes who prefer thin woman because I am a thin woman).

There are blokes out there with average sized dicks who will happily bang you senseless without all that head wrecking shite; who could be arsed dealing with or thinking about dysfunctional weirdos. You cut him loose, just be glad you did and feel sorry for his next partners (victims).

He has the smallest I’ve ever seen

This is the problem. He’s projecting his insecurities onto you. He’s an angry, insecure little man.

Of all the men I’ve had sex with, the only one who was openly critical of my body was the man with a micro penis. Fully erect, It was the size of a tampon (without the applicator). I had a very slim, small breasted figure. I was very confident and knew it was actually all about his own insecurities. He was also the one who sexually propositioned my good friend while we were going out.

It is one of my life’s regrets that when he was criticising my breasts I didn’t reciprocate with my own “complaints” but I was too kind.

He jealous of you. You’re fit, attractive, have a good job, and in his friends’ words, he is punching AND he has a underwhelming knob (and I’m sure he knows this). By negging, he thinks he’s bringing you down a peg or two by undermining your self esteem, so you’ll think yourself lucky that a man with ‘such high standards’ has ‘lowered himself’ to date you even though he supposedly doesn’t find you sexually attractive. I’ll bet you he’s no supermodel. Don’t let this little prick wear you down. You sound gorgeous and lovely and there are thousands upon thousands of men who would be thrilled to date (and enthusiastically shag) a woman like you.

Even before we slept together he said he didn’t know it he’d find me sexually attractive in bed.

He wouldn't have got as far as my bed, if this had been me. There is no way I'd demean myself so much as to persuade him to find me sexually attractive, like some Thai bride.....

That's unusually late for someone to lose their virginity.

It isn't at all unusual among the Christian men I know. It was certainly true of my DH, and we now have a very healthy, supportive relationship. And I'm the one with the issues, not him.

But I don't get the impression that that's what's going on here, so yes, it is odd.

Whatever the reasons, though, this man really doesn't deserve you; you can do a lot better. Well done for not tolerating his treatment of you, OP.

@Confusedashell12

Re the sexuality thing

SilverBirchWithout
Newlydivorced2021

His comment about how he can’t force himself to have sex with me was the most bizarre comment

Never once did I ask for, or instigate sex with him

It’s like he was forcing himself all along?

Does seem very much this to me. Seen it a number if times.

Maybe he’s gay but in denial and that’s why he criticises women 🤷‍♀️

It isn't at all unusual among the Christian men I know.

Op hasn't indicated he's a Christian (unless I've missed it somewhere).

It's unusually late among typical patterns for mainstream society since the .. (?) 60s/70s.

Most people I know lost their virginity late teens or early twenties.

My bet is on gay, or nolongersurprised's post (desperate insecurity and issues due to penis size).

Who the hell knows what’s going on in his little head. Or his even littler one. I’d just be grateful to be out of it.

What did you actually say to him when he can't guarantee he'd find you sexually attractive in bed, though? Wouldn't most women laugh and ask "what - are you gay, then?" or reply "shame you'll never get to find out!"

Of the four men I've known with small dicks; one was a serial cheater, one a commitment phone who had short term relationship after short term relationship, one seemed more well adjusted bit did cheat on his fiancée with me and I know I was not an isolated occurrence, and the other did not seem.tk be aware that he was smaller than average but at the same time was extremely insecure, jealous, possessive and tried to be controlling.

Has he got some ssort of hormonal issue if he's got a tiny dick? Maybe he is more on the asexual side?

Out of interest, did he do much to try to please YOU in bed rather than the focus seem to be all on him and how he was feeling?

Or his even littler one.

Sounds like you’ve had a lucky escape op. I’m also of the opinion that he has moved on to a new target and knew that by saying what he said to you, there would be a strong likelihood that you’d end the relationship, despite his pretence that he didn’t want to end things. Onwards and upwards for you now. It can only get better now he is gone.

Confused, I was once in a similar relationship, he played mind games and sex games.

Move on.

I dated a man who had ED op; he said it was recent - due to his divorce and taking antidepressants. He said he didnt have the issue with his on off girlfriend.

I found out later than he'd had the issue for years .. he'd been around the block too many times in our area, and my sister knew about him.

I shagged my wonderfully functional, enthusiastic ex bf a few times and felt fine. If you haven't already, I suggest you do similar.

@Sandals19

I agree, I said as much in my post. So in his case, it does sound quite weird.

Although I'm puzzled about this ex who he broke up with 10 years ago. How old is he? Assuming he lost his virginity in his 30s as he told the OP, in which case he must supposedly be at least 45? Or did he not have sex with that lady, despite apparently loving her very much?

That's why I asked about possible religious reasons. It doesn't sound like it, certainly not currently, but it could be that he used to have a religious faith of some kind.

OP, life is too short to waste it on this twat.

He tried from the start to knock you down a few pegs as he himself as no confidence and has issues. He was trying to tell you that you may think you're attractive and everyone else does but he doesn't see you as attractive at all. Trying to knock you down to make himself feel better.

It's manipulative and emotional abuse. Don't let him affect you. Good fucking riddance.

@Confusedashell12

He was a virgin until his 30s so he would have used porn throughout his 20s funnyoldonion probably developed unrealistic expectations from that

This! Sorry to say he's never going to find real women attractive because he's spent his younger years watching porn and developed a huge unrealistic expectation of women

*He says he prefers toned and skinny women yet I am a size 10 with a perfectly fine body mass index. He doesn’t have muscles or a six packI am careful about what I eat and I do some exercise but nothing too intense. So confused

I've heard this quite a few times by now - normal or mediocre men making their wives or girlfriends insecure. Often the women is a healthy weight. I've heard so many people say that it's women who drive this fat shaming, but I'm not so sure. I think a lot of them get it from men who have ridiculous standards.

He always points out tiny wrinkles or a slight lunch tummy on women. Hyper critical. Weird as fuck. Should have seen it coming

Tiny wrinkles??? Wtf??? Accepting wrinkles is part of loving an adult woman. Many people get crows feet and the beginning of laughter lines at the edges of their mouths when they're in their 20s.....so are you sure he doesn't just prefer skinny, nubile 16-18 year olds? You know, the ones he's seen in porn? What's he going to do in his 50s? Try to date teens or only go out with with who have frozen their faces with botox or padded them unnaturally with fillers?

None of this makes sense to you OP because there are unknown variables.

Ether he is gay and in the closet
Or he is a cheater and feels guilty and thinks its ok if he doesn't actually have sex with you
Or he is sexually attracted to more non-conventionally attractive women but does'nt want to be seen with them and wants to keep you around instead to make him look good. Do you have a good job?
Or he actually gets pleasure out of hurting women

I think I'd have to turn detective to find out!