New bf but he doesn’t find me sexually attractive

[Confusedashell12]

Both in mid / late 30s. I ended it because nearly 1 year into the relationship he says he doesn’t find me sexually attractive but absolutely adores and loves everything else about me. He was totally into me physically in the beginning, it was intense. It wasn’t put on. It was real. The sex was good. All his mates said he was punching with me. I am told by friends, colleagues etc that I’m very attractive physically, this isn’t me bragging. I’ll lose my looks eventually like everyone else, personality is so much more important. Just don’t understand what has gone on with him? He says he prefers toned and skinny women yet I am a size 10 with a perfectly fine body mass index. He doesn’t have muscles or a six pack I am careful about what I eat and I do some exercise but nothing too intense. So confused

He sounds utterly dire. Congratulations on your freedom.

I think if you scratched below the surface you would find that he deeply resents the things about you that are attractive, competent and especially better than what he has to offer.

Now you mention it picsinred he seemed a little jealous by how happy I was in my job and he once inferred I was making mine out to be better than his, when I wasn’t.

Negging piece of shit. Next!

@Bluntness100

This can happen. You can totally be into someone at the start and then it changes, you no longer find them sexually attractive . The popular term is “you get the ick”. But still really love the person.

He should have ended it though. It’s like the golden rule you can’t tell someone you’ve got the ick. You come up with another reason.

whenever I have 'got the ick' about someone, I haven't found them still really loveable.I have found things about them become more and more annoying. It is unusual to get the ick but still adore the person

After a year do you understand why?

bluntness100 absolutely no idea, it’s partly why I’ve posted on here to understand

It's just negging, OP. I know, it's like so 90s, but it's back with a vengeance, indeed it is the vengeance of sad misogynists everywhere. Please, I beg you, do not give it any power through headspace. This is how it works.

He's absolutely horrible and if even the most beautiful women aren't good for him, let him go live in a monastery and do everyone a favour. Cut and run, you have nothing to prove to this bellend.

OP, is there any chance he's found someone else and he's cruelly and wrongly making up total BS about you to make himself feel better? Just a thought

He sounds horrendously immature and expects perfection from women. I suspect he looks at social media too much and expects all women to be perfect permanently without a roll on their tummy...he's going to end up very lonely
And disappointed.

You're well rid op let him continually search for his perfect woman as he will end up old bald and lonely!

To be honest Santaisironingwrappingpaper He has the smallest I’ve ever seen

There you have it OP, case closed wrap it up. There really is nothing to be confused about, just another deluded prawn dick loser trying to convince himself he deserves a supermodel...

Next!

Closetbeanmuncher

If that's enough to confuse you and derail your self esteem you're not ready to date OP in honesty.

Honestly though don't give him another thought okay x

Closetbeanmuncher It hasn’t derailed my self esteem I’m just upset that a man I’ve been dating for a year has randomly come out with this crap. It’s normal to be hurt and confused by it. I’m certain I’ll move on and laugh about it in the future but right now I’m sad. That ok?

He doesn’t find you sexually attractive because he has found someone else that is. You can do so much better than this guy- hold your head up and move on to bigger and better.

Thanks Closetbeanmuncher

He actually didn’t want to break up Oct18mummy !

@Confusedashell12

To be honest Santaisironingwrappingpaper He has the smallest I’ve ever seen

....and there we have it. I don’t think I can put it better than @Closetbeanmuncher, so I’ll just advise you to move on.....

@Confusedashell12

He actually didn’t want to break up Oct18mummy !

If be claimed he wasn't sexually attracted to you how did he think this wasn't a deal breaker??

He's one of the gas lighting head fucks who neg and eventually withhold sex (whilst cheating) in order to destroy your self esteem so you'll never leave - because they know they're "punching", as his friends put it, and if they don't bring you low, you could leave. It's abuse and I think if you scratched below the surface you would find that he deeply resents the things about you that are attractive, competent and especially better than what he has to offer. He would punish you for it - and was already doing so. Classic.

THIS ^^

Never, ever, ever contact this man again or allow him to contact you. Block him everywhere.

You may need to get a little counseling for yourself to get over what he did to you. You have been subjected to a vicious attack.

@Bluntness100

This can happen. You can totally be into someone at the start and then it changes, you no longer find them sexually attractive . The popular term is “you get the ick”. But still really love the person.

He should have ended it though. It’s like the golden rule you can’t tell someone you’ve got the ick. You come up with another reason.

Agree. I've ended it with people I no longer found sexually attractive, but definitely did earlier into the relationship. Not sure why so many have jumped on and accused the bf of 'negging'.

The ones with the inferiority complexes are the worst confused, any negging or ideological insults on other women toss them straight away.

That prob came across as harsh, wasn't trying to be mean. I would like to chilli sauce his shrimpy japseye on your behalf

Not sure why so many have jumped on and accused the bf of 'negging'.

Because that's what it is, further evidenced by the fact that he finds fault even with stunning women who are nothing to do with him and didn't like OP being happy at work. This isn't feelings changing as a relationship goes on, it's just a nasty, misogynistic little pissant on a nasty, misogynistic little power trip.

Not at all, thanks closetbeanmuncher

Id say hes either gaslighting to make you feel worse than him so you are grateful he is with you.

Or he is gay. I’ve been with a lad before who was able to pretend for the first few months but then couldnt continue to pretend and eventually came out.