Accused of trying to steal friends husband

[accusedandalone]

Bear with me because this may be long.

I lost my husband in an accident very suddenly and unexpectedly about 10 days before the 1st lockdown. Our second DD was born about a month before and we have a toddler DD too, so I had a lot to deal with and it's been a shitty year. We also have DN10 who lives with us and has done for 5 years.

DH and I were friends with a couple. I was friends with Linda at Uni and he was friends with Jack. When we met at University we introduced them to each other. DH and Jack had a bust up a year or so after we began dating over his treatment of me (lots of pervy comments and occasionally aggressive when drunk). He decided to drop him as a friend because of it, but 6 weeks later Jack showed up with Linda and they have been together ever since. I've always had a strange feeling around him, but Linda has been a fantastic friend and I feel sorry for her being married to him. DH and I moved to a small London suburb where I grew up about 7 years ago when we got married, 6 months later they moved to a few roads away as they liked the area so much and I introduced Linda to my friends etc etc.

I found out 2 years ago from Linda that Jack was having an affair with the much younger sister of one of my friends. I was supportive to Linda and she decided to work things out with him.

When DH died Linda was there everyday and it was great. But I started to feel smothered and I just wanted some time to absorb everything with my family and get used to the differences. I decided to take all 3 children to our holiday home in France for 6 weeks during the summer holidays and it was amazing. Just what we needed to be able to breathe again. My DPs and DPil came out to stay for a couple of weeks too. But Linda kept pushing to come and see us and stay for a couple of weeks with her children and Jack. Tbh it was worded like she was worried about me, but the incessant badgering just felt like she actually just wanted a free holiday. I said no (very firmly) after weeks of it and she sent me a long message about friendship and gratitude.

Here is the problem. I have barely heard from Jack since March. But last month I joined them with all the children to see an outdoor christmas lights attraction. Linda dropped out at the last minute as she had to work late. Jack made some really inappropriate comments during the outing (as usual) and asked when I would be looking for someone knew. At this I told him he was disgusting and left. He then sent me an explicit text a week later. I told him he was disgusting and (here is where I may have made the mistake) I sent a screenshot of the message and a summary of his behaviour to Linda.

Linda has decided that I want to steal her disgusting husband and sent me some vile messages. She has also told all of my friends that I'm on the look out for a new man and that they should keep an eye on their husbands. I've since had messages from 3 of my friends berating me and I've been removed from all my friendship whatsapp groups and blocked by at least 4 other friends. I'm so confused because he's made passes at a few of these women before and it's very well known that neither DH nor I liked him.

I've never felt so alone. What do I do?

Hold your head high and concentrate on what really matters.
After everything you and your family have been through this year, after the way Jack has habitually behaved, who needs ‘friends’ like that.

I am so sorry OP, how unkind on top of everything else you’re dealing with.

All I can say is that friends who believe her over you are not real friends, though that’s not a lot of comfort to find out now. When my mum’s best friend was widowed she found she was cut out by a lot of her so called friends, my mother put it down to them being paranoid about her automatically wanting to steal their husbands now she didn’t have one.

Sorry for the loss of your DH that must be terribly hard.

The three friends that have berated you by text? Can you call them and actually speak on the phone? Explain what Jack has done and send them a copy of the text if necessary.

Seems like you’ve got nothing to lose so much wouldn’t go down without a fight. I’d also call Linda and ask her what the hell she is playing at.

Absolutely awful treatment of you, and appalled by this so called friendship group. Is Linda a wannabee 'queen bee?'

Sorry for your loss

Drop them both. You have no reason to have them in your life especially as you've lost your husband.

I'm sorry
I think deep down Linda knows the score but she's in denial and has defensively lashed out. I know someone just like her, she wants to blacken your name first before you can tell everyone what a freeloading let down she is.
The other friends will see the light once Jack has either shagged or letched his way through the rest of them, which I'm sure will happen eventually.
Also, most people are sheep. They hedge the bets to stay on the right side. I think a few will know the truth but are too pathetic to nail their colours to your mast.
Hold your head up and know you are in the right.

Suggest that Linda has been making things up.

My message to everyone would be :'After the year I have had I'm disappointed that my friends are believing this. Jack tried it on.. Sent me an explicit text so I told him he was disgusting and let Linda know. I can send you copies if really need.

You all know I don't want Jack, would never break up a relationships and am no wag ready to replace my husband.
Its incredibly sad that I've now been cut off from people at a time I really need friends support.

What a bunch of cunts they are.

By any chance are you better off than Linda and Jack? Do you think this is more about her perceived feelings of rejection (not being invited on holiday) than about her husband?

It seems like you were a nice project for her and she is annoyed not to be getting the acclaim and benefits of her (not always welcome) labours.

She not worth it. I have a ‘mean’ friend too. She also thinks everyone is after her husband- he is lech who hits on anything and it makes her insecure. They are narcissists who can only see what benefits other people will bring them.

I'm so sorry, that's awful. Sadly this kind of mysoginy runs deep in our society. It's all completely unfair, on top of everything else you have had to deal with. Have you got other friends you can turn ro apart from this group? maybe send the screen shot to all the others and see if they still believe your x friend.

Plus, you owe her nothing. If you manage any one to ones with any remaining friends I'd be showing that text around. It'll get round that you're telling the truth.

I am so sorry for your loss OP, what a dreadful year

I can understand how hurtful Linda's behaviour is to you, and that of other foolish friends who have sided with her. I would treat it as a distraction at this point if you can though and concentrate on your family. In some ways the friends who have treated you poorly have done you a favour, you now know the true quality of their characters. If they can treat you this way in the year you lose your husband they really aren't worth keeping around.

What Plonque says!

💐 So sorry for your loss and an awful year.

Weird. It sounds like they've taken a collective decision to get you out of their lives at the slightest provocation. Are you stunning and they all minging or something?

I would just walk away. It sucks but there's nothing else to be done - if you contact them trying to explain it will smack of desperation and 'methinks he doth protest too much' or whatever. If this is genuine and there's not another side you are keeping from us, the truth will come out in time. Find an interest and see if you can join a group centred around that, where you might make some new friends - it will be hard given the age of your children, in terms of babysitting, but hopefully something will present itself.

I'm really sorry about your husband and hope the new year sees things looking up a bit for you.

Gosh, OP. I'm so sorry you lost your DH and have to look after the children alone 💐 I'm also truly sorry you have a dick of a friend aka Linda who has been using you for years and who I suspect has been secretly jealous of your life for a while and she's now taking it all out on you. In reality, she's made crap choices in her life and she's pretending to be blind about her twat of a husband. I honestly have no words about her sending this message out about you to others, disgusting. I think if some of them believed that, they weren't your true friends at all.

I know it must be very hard if your inner circle narrows down at a really shitty time BUT I am a true believer that it's best to know where you stand and who you can rely on. Sometimes it's people who you least expect or even strangers that will help you more than certain "friends" and that's a valuable lesson.

Get rid of the lot of them, toxic people, they are the last thing you need right now.

Sending you lots and lots of strength 💐💐💐

Also, don’t be caught up in the he said/she said. It’s not worth it. The whole group is looking for drama. If they were your friends then they wouldn’t have believed her.

Some of them might come back to apologise one day. But don’t give them head room until then.

Horrible people, concentrate on your own family and make new friends if poss. Tell the close friends about what has gone on if they are real friends they’ll be there for you. You sound like you’ve got a lovely family and good support but what a horrible year for you am so sorry re your husband.

I think Linda knows exactly who she married. I would block and move on. They sound very toxic who alienates a widow with very young children who is supposed to be your friend from all their friends. Just awful. Not much anyone can say except perhaps you’re better off without her and those who have treated you so poorly.

I’m so sorry OP, what an awful year.

Do you have friends you can rely on? Because this lot sound awful, even if you were able to ‘reconcile’ with them all.

What @happytoday73 said.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

@happytoday73

Suggest that Linda has been making things up.

My message to everyone would be :'After the year I have had I'm disappointed that my friends are believing this. Jack tried it on.. Sent me an explicit text so I told him he was disgusting and let Linda know. I can send you copies if really need.

You all know I don't want Jack, would never break up a relationships and am no wag ready to replace my husband.
Its incredibly sad that I've now been cut off from people at a time I really need friends support.

I would do this. Shameful behaviour from all of them. It is your first year without your husband, your first Christmas without him, you have very small children, just devastating, all of it. Linda sounds as though she is jealous of you, probably because her pig of a husband is leching over you. The other women must know what he is like but for some reason have been manipulated by Linda. I feel for you OP, but I think you need some new, more mature and genuinely decent friends, because this behaviour is appalling.

So sorry OP, you've had a tough year and definitely don't need this unjust behaviour. Unfortunately I thinknits quite common; my kom experienced similar after my dad unexpectedly died - all her long standing friends just stopped inviting her out when they were going out in groups with the husbands. It got so bad that she eventually just stopped seeing them at all. So sad that some women are so insecure.

They weren't real friends sadly if they've taken Linda's side in this.

So sorry for your loss, you have had such a tough year but may I say you sound like such a strong person, look at it this way op as hurtful and annoying as it is that Linda and co have done this think of it as the trash taking itself out. It makes room for better people to enter your life as painful as it is, anyone with half a brain or a decent friend wouldn’t blindly believe this

I am so sorry for everything you have been through. [flowers

What you do is realise that people you thought were friends, weren't and just block then delete them from your phone and life.

If you wrote and said you were about to be married I would say congrats. It is no one's business when or if you start a new relationship as long as they are single. Linda and her cronies are an embarrassment and I'd be tempted to tell them that before deleting them.

I think Linda is definitely a lost cause - for hassling for an invite to your holiday place as well as the rest of it.

I think I'd have to respond to the other 'friends ' with a dignified message explaining your side - individually so they can't all jump into a group response.

You have nothing to lose and you never know, someone might be sympathetic. Also your silence might appear as guilt and proof that Linda is right.

So sorry for your loss.