I feel like giving up. I don't think there is anything we can say to you, MM, that will stop you thinking he's a good person underneath - well of course everyone has that potential but the man you used to love wasn't real, it was only a pretence - or at least, it was only 'half' a man. The rest of him is ugly and nasty.
I know how much you can love someone despite their abusing you, because of their 'other side', but the point is, the bad side isn't worth waiting around for the good side to show up again. Because it will be very rare that it does.
Surek, he could change if he put his mind to it, but it would literally take years of therapy. Seriously. And he WILL NOT change if you show any signs of staying or having him back, because he won't have a reaosn to.
I am glad you are in control to a degree now, but he is expecting you to give him - he knows it's only a matter of time. Sure he doesn't want to be an evil bastard, but he can't help it, and that is why you need to get the hell away from him. HE CAN'T HELP IT. he's not in control of his own reactions and that is what puts you and your child at risk.
My grandfather was an alcoholic and used to beat up his entire family, for years - they are all very damaged indeed - but he changed later on, it was only after my Grandma threw him out and steadfastly refused to have him back, that he sought help for himself, through AA, and changed. I only knew him as a nice old bloke, a bit odd and scary at times, but nice enough and in control - he was shockingly mean to their dog, shouting, swearing etc but not to people any more. It removed his 'spark' though, he had to learn to live without intensity, he sacrificed that for his family situation in the end, but by that time his children were grown up and the harm was done. And there's no way he would have stopped at all had my Grandma not taken a very strong line and been totally clear that he had to get help.
So, is it worth it?
Only he can decide to change and by the sound of it, he is waaaaaaay back in the denial phase - it's apparently all your fault that he whacks you at every bloody opportunity, - would you treat him that way? No. You wouldn't. You are being made a fool of. Please believe me when I say that he thinks you need him, thinks you are stupid. Thinks you will have him back soon, because you love him, which of course you do, but you have to accept that you have a responsibility in this too. You have a relationship with him because you allow it to happen. You don't HAVE to allow it to happen.
My ex once said, when I asked him what he thought about violent relationships, 'it's the woman's fault for staying'.
There you go.
He was abusive by the way. And no, I didn't stay.
Good luck MM. A lot of us understand your feelings, how they go both ways, but you know, you are still allowed to love the man he was, as long as you go and do it somewhere safe, and don't put up with the man he is now. Keep your feelings, they are real and valid, but please don't use them as a reason to be with a violent and dangerous bastard. No one can take away your feelings for the man he 'used to be' - though bear in mind it wasn't the full picture, the nasty stuff was still underneath even then. He was just biding his time.