I (we) have no real friends to invite to wedding

[Billynofriends3]

DP and I are getting married. I always thought I wanted a big wedding but knowing that I have no real close friends gives me "social anxiety" and will definitely not let me enjoy the day. I'd worry all day that people would realise this. I have no one to ask to be my maid of honour and everyone would just be a "filler". My DP feels more or less the same for his side too.

We've decided to have a registry office wedding and the go to the pub for some sort of reception with our family.

I still want to look like a "proper bride". Would that be odd? Maybe it's about the right look? Sorry for the rambling. No idea if relationships is the best place for this bit considering it's about lack of friends thought it was the best place.

Your wedding sounds perfect. No one will even think about the friendship status of the other guests , they’ll just be delighted to be there sharing your happiness and celebrating your marriage. Ask a few random neighbours, passers by - who knows, they might end up good friends! Congratulations and have fun!

I know in the grand scheme of things nobody will care but I will still worry about it all day it makes me feel like a failure in many ways and very sad

Wear whatever you want, sounds perfect . The best weddings I've been to have been the quirky unusual ones in gardens, pubs etc. My own was in my parents garden.

Ps if/when i remarry I want the local church (my Vicar friend to take the service, not his church but you can get permission) then the local pub, all walking distance from our house

You’ll have a lovely day; and definitely don’t worry about how it will “look” on the day. Everyone there will be there because they love you and want to support you - in fact doing it this way is better in a way because you won’t have one of those horrible posters that sit on MN moaning that weddings are pointless and criticising every little thing!

Your lack of friends clearly isn’t a reflection on you - after all, you’re lovely enough to have attracted a partner who wants to commit the rest of his life to you; and a relationship with a landlady who wants to help give you an amazing celebration!

Some people are just happy with their own company and the company of family - absolutely nothing wrong with that!

just wanted to write that I like a friend's is not something that I enjoy or like it's something that has just happened that way and I've got used to it I think it's the same for my partner. and now that we've met with generally just enjoy each other's company and that has into be enough for both of us so I'm not very happy because we match in that way too

If you’re wanting friends; outside of the wedding issue have you thought about taking some sort of class or joining a club when COVID restrictions lift?

Alternatively, are you planning on having children? That can help as social lubrication if you throw yourself into NQT, baby groups etc. You won’t be best pals with all of them but chances are they’ll be at least one or two you can get along with. Sometimes that’s less daunting as you’re not the only newbie and you’re all finding your way together.

Just have the day how you want it! Invite just who you want. Wear what you want it's your day.

DH and I only had a small wedding - 25 of us and our reception was in a pub. Nobody batted an eyelid about it being in a pub (they can also be great value, we only had a minimum spend of £1000 set to rent the whole place and didn't pay much more). We were on a tight budget but so glad we didn't have a massive wedding inviting family we never see or fairweather friends. It felt so intimate and was lovely knowing everyone there was someone really special to us. I wore a massive dress!

No one will notice whose guests are whose - DH had more family to invite then me so only had 2 friends there.

We did what you're suggesting, registry office with 30 guests, and then onto a pub that had a special connection to people no longer alive to come to our wedding. It was great, the landlord pulled out all the stops for us and we had a really special day. I wore a proper wedding dress that had a detachable train so I could just take the train off. Only thing I would say is check out the toilet facilities and check whether your dress will fit (mine didn't!)

@Dyrne we actually have a baby but could go anywhere because of COVID. In my experience I don't do great at baby clubs/baby themed socialising because the last thing I want to talk about is my baby! I spend all day with him. I'm back to work now, but the company size has doubled over lockdown, ample possibility for new friends :)

That's really encouraging @muddledmidget!

@Billynofriends3 If it helps, I had 2 weddings, one civil in the country I live in where I had the "big" wedding and then I had a Church wedding (blessing) in the UK with just immediate family on both sides and only my closest friends. We were 14 people only and then we went next door to the pub to celebrate where I had a buffet in a roped off area and put some money behind the bar.

I had the full wedding dress with a small train, veil, hair the works so it was very obviously a wedding and I had so many people at the pub come up and congratulate us and tell us how lovely it was to see a happy bridal party. I even had a little girl come up who wanted to talk to the "princess" which made me well up a bit.

It really was lovely and actually though it was so much smaller, cost a lot less and didn't end particularly late compared to my other wedding, it really was as good! I wouldn't have changed a thing. I would 100% go with your idea - it sounds fab and I wouldn't hesitate to wear the dress you feel good in. After all it's your wedding day! And everyone else will only see how happy and beautiful you are and be happy for you!

I think the fact that you’re owning it and being authentic is brilliant. My hen party/wedding was ruined by “not real” friends because I felt that I needed to prove I had a busy social life and lots of friends. I only see two of those friends now, all these years later. They are true friends. I look at my wedding photos and regret the day. I have no idea where most of those people are now! Why are they in my photos. I didn’t have bridesmaids which caused a huge issue but I did it because my one true female friend was heavily pregnant and she was the only one that really mattered. I wish I’d had the day that you are planning. Don’t involve strangers in your day. Good for you for keeping it real.

I had ten people at my wedding and I still had a full length proper wedding dress. I don’t think I would have gone to the local pub in my dress, we booked a nice restaurant and the private dining room. The ceremony was outside in a park area, but I don’t think it is unusual to get married in a registry office in traditional wedding attire.

Unless you go in jeans and a t shirt you will look different to the regular drinkers. So wear the dress that you really want, be fabulous and have a good time. Repeat "there is no such thing as over dressed". In London it's not uncommon to be in a tube carriage with people dressed in evening gowns, scruffy students, business people and alternative lifestyle people. No one bats an eyelid.

There's not going to be anyone else apart from our guests, the more I think about it the more I think it will be ok :)

Your plan sounds perfect OP.
Both DH and I are a bit shy and introverted. I remember him saying he was glad he wasn't from a culture with multiple day ceremonies and 1000s of people as he would be stressed out and faint.
Best wishes on your wedding.

Thank you for all the good wishes btw!! This is MNs at its best :)

A friend of my daughter did this and wore the big meringue wedding dress to the pub. Went down a storm and the bar bill was half what was budgeted for as drinks were send in from the folks in the bar "for the happy couple". Go for it!

Small weddings can be lovely. I went to a wedding a few years ago that only had 20 people, including the bride and groom. It was a lovely, intimate affair.

Yes I'm warming up to this idea very much now!

I had a small wedding in a tiny chapel - and a dinner afterwards and it was absolutely magical, intimate and beautiful.

We have and had lots of friends, but neither of us like attention, so this suited us best. I did wonder whether my dress would look as lovely etc, but in the end the dinner was so gorgeously decorated with candlelight, it was perfect. Your day needs to match you, not the other way around.

So choose your theme and style and dress, then take the rest of your day and work around that.

I do not regret choosing an intimate wedding. I loved every moment.

Book a private dining room in a nice restaurant then you definitely won't feel out of place

My only thought is that the two couples I know who had small weddings, one possibly for the reasons you have, are both married with families and their weddings were both over 30 years ago.

Sounds great tbh. This couple in Belfast apparently did have 25 guests at their wedding, but you wouldn't know it from the video which went viral: www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.com/news/amp/uk-northern-ireland-54848108

Any time I see newlyweds in a normal setting enjoying themselves I think fair play, and the smaller the wedding party the better imo.