So the the grass belonging to the OW wasn't really greener then was it?!

[jemimathecat]

This is light hearted post but I just wanted to hear if there were any stories out there where your partner/spouse went off with the OW and the grass suddenly turned to mud?!!
After being deeply hurt, I now find myself chuckling when I think of the ex (mid 50's) back to changing nappies and sleepless nights and telling his mother that he has no time for himself and cannot BELIEVE how expensive baby formula is!!
Most of his friends are driving sports cars and have grown up kids (like we also do) yet the only thing he's driving is a new double buggy ! LOL!

Ex was a violent scumbag towards the end I got some confidence and reported him to the police each time something happened, he was cautioned for the abuse, years later he moved to a different country with OW where he tried to join the police he wasn't allowed due to his record that was all my fault apparently

🤣🤣

My ex went on holiday and met a blonde in stripper heels, cheated and dumped me. But he shared it all over social media and constantly messaged me saying that he'd met this woman and she was really rich and lived in Italy. Married her after a few weeks and went back with her to italy to discover she still lived with her parents in the shit part of italy, was completely skint and had 3 kids!

Now DP and I live in a beautiful farmhouse, TTC and completely in love, no need for sharing all over Facebook (and certainly no stripper heels)

Love this story. Something similar happened to me. I was left to raise 3 children under the age of 5 on my own .Whilst he went off and started a new family with the women he was having an affair with. I took great pleasure in my ex's suffering when he realised the grass wasn't greener .

@AmICrazyorWhat2

^But SO much lovely stuff too Those men with sports cars and grown up kids.... shrug, don’t suppose they’re exactly glowing with happiness.^

It totally depends on the individual, of course. I’m 46 so know a lot of people in that peer group. Most seem happy to have adult children and enjoy their spontaneous nights out, child free holidays, etc. I think you appreciate these things far more when you’ve previously had to organize babysitters or not go at all!

All this was pre pandemic, of course. 😂

I'm late 40s (and a woman) and have young children. It definitely suits me to have them now a lot more than it would to have them younger. I would have hated wasting my 20s and 30s with young kids. But now I'm more settled, I love having my family. I'm actually not unusual at my dds school either - there are quite a few mums in their 50s (its a primary school) and I'm sure dads too.

Horses for courses and all that though.

Nothing at all to do with op having some shadenfreunde for her ex which is fair enough. But a shout out for the older parents and strong disagreement with some of the mean comments about us (looking like grandparents at school gates etc)

but others would strongly recommend having kids later in life, to enjoy a selfish child-free youth, make the most of your younger years, travel, build a career etc. I can't think of anything worst than having a child in my 20s, it would have ruined so many things for me - we are all different. It would be the best choice for others.

But the OP's ex has got the worst of both worlds.Missed out on all that supposed fun having his first family, then started again as an older parent with his second. Not much time for 'selfish child-free youth, make the most of your younger years, travel, build a career'. No wonder the OP is enjoying a bit of schadenfreude - wouldn't we all .

I’m not sure why some posters think that you need to have children in your 20’s to be a lot “freer” in your 50’s. Having a child at 35 means they’re at university when you’re 53 or 54. You don’t need babysitters for a night out by your late 40’s. 😄

I was talking about having them in your 40's like me, as opposed to your twenties. I am in my late 40's and mine are still in foundation phase. So yeah, do need babysitters.

OP are you my twin!!

Yep 14 months it lasted officially but realistically about 7 before he was looking for out.

Now has a 5 year old - who is lovely but quietly admits to friends he fucked up. Personally when the older DCS her and his are 18 and only their joint left - I can see him going back to her.

But right now he wishes he had never left- the HMS bogoff has kept sailing with a few storms on the way and is in a good place, where she is reaing the rewards of hard work, lovely DCS and life in general.

I was left by a man with the usual gaslighting cheater script.

There wasn't anyone else, apparently, it was because he hadn't been happy for a long time...(wasn't able to give much detail about source of said unhappiness). Totally blindsided me because I had thought our relationship was really good. He made me happy. We still had an amazing sex life, we still made one another laugh and had date nights and holidays. Never ran out of things to talk about.. i thought I was living the dream right up until then.

We had the usual day to day mundanity of looking after 3 children, but he had never seemed particularly unhappy.

The only thing that had changed was that he had lost weight and started riding a motorbike...(eye-roll)

I broke. Into tiny pieces thinking my whole life was a lie and that he had been so miserable and I hadn't noticed.

Of course it took a matter of weeks before younger OW came out. Not sure how long the overlap was, but probably about 6 months looking back.

She was the polar opposite of me. All over social media (I hardly post on Facebook and don't have instagram). There were pictures of them both all over everywhere almost immediately.

She wears loads of makeup and likes to get her boobs out (nothing wrong with that if that's what you're into - but nothing like me at all) and she is a biker (quelle surprise).

Well it lasted about 5 months. He came back crying saying it was all a terrible mistake. She is emotionally immature and needy. She flirted with other men constantly to make him jealous. He had fallen for her because she made him feel so needed when I never needed him like that. She adored him, (where I was boringly loyal and steadfast - and probably most importantly familiar and, therefore boring now) They had nothing in common and nothing to talk about...

He wanted to come back.

So I said it wasn't a good idea as he had been 'so unhappy for so long' with me and he can't want that back again, surely?

Turns out that wasn't true. He just wanted OW. (Who could possibly have guessed that the cheaters' 'it's not the OW it's because I'm soooo unhappy with you' script was total balls?) he had temporarily lost his mind and had convinced himself that he could only have felt that way for her because things were wrong between us. He was starting therapy.

So I'm happily single. No plans to change that because I can't trust another man ever again and I don't really want one either.

He has been banned from driving, so can't enjoy his midlife crisis bike - and OW turned into a stalking thorn in his side.

I'm sorry if I find that funny, but the he two inflicted on me with his midlife crisis has damaged me for life, so yes, I will unkindly and bitterly laugh at his misfortune.

Hahaha.

For the posters who seem to be determined to take offence at the idea that someone might not want to be changing nappies in their 40’s/50’s, I think there is a vast difference between starting to have children when you’re older and having more children when you’d already completed your family several years or even decades ago.

I had my DS at 28, some women do it younger, others older, but the difference is that those decisions are usually made based on feeling now is the right time to start a family.

You couldn’t pay me to have another baby now as I’ve been there, done that. It’s not at all the same as starting a family older.

@ PatriciaPerch what a waste of space your father was. What happened to all those other children? Do you all have anything to do with one another?

@CayrolBaaaskin. Exactly. People do what works for them, I was referring to one poster who perhaps thought many PP’s were advocating having children young. I certainly wouldn’t have wanted children in my 20’s, 30’s worked well for me, 40’s suit others.

If the OP’s ex has had children in his 50’s without really wanting them, though, he’s a fool. I hope he at least tries to be a good Dad.🤞

I thought you were going to say he came grovelling back

I know someone (a dentist) who left his stunning and smart wife for his v plain and dim secretary. She was so young, really youth was the only thing going for her. I actually felt very sorry for her as she threw her life away on a man in his fifties (she was early 20's)
She was obsessed with him and I guess he couldn't resist the hero worship. He then tried to get the wife out of the family home and the judge told him where to go
They are still together years later and they never had kids, probably the only reason they still are

@Oreservoir

I remember going to a campsite in France when dd's school had building work first two weeks of September. So many 50 something men following toddlers around the play area whilst presumably their much younger wives were preparing dinner. I suggested to my dh that somewhere an amazing 50 year old woman was hopefully enjoying a well deserved social life.

Or they could be grandads? My dad and his pals, aged 48-60 all take our DC’s to the park or beach after they’ve played golf on a weekend. It’s lovely...

For the posters who seem to be determined to take offence at the idea that someone might not want to be changing nappies in their 40’s/50’s, I think there is a vast difference between starting to have children when you’re older and having more children when you’d already completed your family several years or even decades ago.

It's hardly taking offence to have an opinion. I know it's MN, but no need to exaggerate.

Since when is there a rule on having children? Some are happy having them young, some not. There are enough example of MOTHERS with children with a big gap, who could not have been happier to have another baby much later in life. Why wouldn't it be the same for fathers?

YOU might not want to have another baby, it doesn't mean others won't.

I would have hated changing nappies in my 20s personally. It doesn't mean I pity everyone who chose to do so.

It seems a lot of men are doing this now, having their 2nd family in their 40’s/50’s? I’ve been single for a while and on the dating apps (yes it’s tedious), I struggle to find any men in their 40’s that don’t have very small children, usually as well as teen children from 2 different relationships. My kids are teens and I’m enjoying the fact they are growing up and becoming more independent, I couldn’t think of anything worse than chasing around after a toddler in my late 40’s/50’s.....I would much rather be care free, travel etc....

Op, maybe he’s very happy having young children to run around after? You don’t know if he’s really miserable? Lots of men seem to enjoy being a older dad (not sure why).

Karma would have been grovelling back, or new wife dumping him for a younger model.

Deciding to have babies together.. who knows. It's hardly the sign of a catastrophy.

I wouldnt raise a finger nail let alone a chuckle to a fucker who cheated on me

HitthatroadJack god I think it is
its like he will be raising kids for 40 years. Hes knocking on 60 with v small children - he must be exhausted wondering where his easy life has gone. Its not just the babies either, but most people will have to work harder and longer to fund another family.
If my DH left me for another women I would be delighted if they had a child, that right there knocks the romance and carefree lifestyle out of most relationships.

@HitthatroadJack

Stop derailing... your posts are exceptionally boring and nothing to do with this thread.

We get it you had your kids when you were older.

[quote Twinpeaksdancingman]@HitthatroadJack

Stop derailing... your posts are exceptionally boring and nothing to do with this thread.

We get it you had your kids when you were older.[/quote]
if you don't like my posts, ignore them. No one cares if you find them boring or not. Why do you think you are in charge of what people are allowed to comment or not exactly?

Do you think you are one of the "MN Royalty" or something?

You don't get anything, you specially don't get that it's possible to understand other people make different choices.

Lots of men seem to enjoy being a older dad (not sure why).

As you said, they get on the dating apps and begin a 3rd family when they've tired of family #s 1 and 2 - i.e. when Mum tells them to pull their weight

It's a minority of men. A notable minority. They're hollow and always chasing the joy elsewhere. It's not the same as people who fall in love later in life and decide to begin a family - these men (and it's almost always men) are chasing the woman, the fun, the pissing about, not the hard work of building a family and life together.

The thing is these men go looking for some excitement with a younger woman then it ends up turning into the same old mundane life they had with their wife, however because they're starting from scratch again, the mundane shit ends up lasting even longer!