So the the grass belonging to the OW wasn't really greener then was it?!

[jemimathecat]

This is light hearted post but I just wanted to hear if there were any stories out there where your partner/spouse went off with the OW and the grass suddenly turned to mud?!!
After being deeply hurt, I now find myself chuckling when I think of the ex (mid 50's) back to changing nappies and sleepless nights and telling his mother that he has no time for himself and cannot BELIEVE how expensive baby formula is!!
Most of his friends are driving sports cars and have grown up kids (like we also do) yet the only thing he's driving is a new double buggy ! LOL!

@Shetoshe

Ha! What a sad sack. Why can't posters let OP have her moment for goodness sake?! I assume the sour guts on here have been in a similar situation as OP's Ex/OW.

His poor DC will be mortified when he rocks up to the school gate looking like their grandad. Sad bastard!

Is it really necessary for the OP 'having her moment' to provoke a load of condemnation of older parents, though? I know people who have had children (for the first time) at a similar age due to fertility issues - are they also 'sad bastards'?

It’s tough the early years, yes
But SO much lovely stuff too
Those men with sports cars and grown up kids.... shrug, don’t suppose they’re exactly glowing with happiness. Growing research that men in later mid life actually one of the most depressed groups in society. Aimless. Pushed out at work. Etc

Sadly I reckon your ex was just venting (as we all did with young children) but is actually much much more fulfilled than his peers

I don’t think the OP is condemning all older parents. She’s making the point that the grass isn’t always greener, because she’s heard that her ex ( who treated her badly) is moaning about his new family. As PP’s have said, many older parents love it, despite the exhaustion.

In his case, it’s hard to have sympathy.

The ex and the OW's grass was not greener...I wrote a post about it some time ago when karma happened...think I called it "3 years later". He hit 50, spent 50k on a sports car, changed gyms and locked eyes on a young Italian girl in the gym and poooofffff....off he went! She had a very young son with a drum kit. He did not have any patience with children as his and mine were grown up. Knew straight away it wouldn't work....it didn't...5 and half years later....he still is in touch....when the OW sadly got breast cancer 2 and half years ago he bolted out of her life. She thankfully recovered fully. Nasty piece of work he was. He lives alone now and sends me pictures of his dog he has just bought.....eye roll.

I know of someone who left his wife for an OW 20+ years his jnr who was only a couple of years old than he eldest daughter.
The OW chased him hard!! They have now been together for 15 years and she is without doubt the most unreasonable person I know, takes slight/offence to anything and everything and he’s not allowed any freedom. He has a poor relationship with his children because of this. #shouldastayedputmate

I feel sad for ex's current baby mum that's for sure, he suggested a year off doing something cool with the kids and apparently when my dd who was visiting the new baby happily piped up "oh yes you were going to do that with ex2 weren't you" the poor new mum burst in to tears. what has she got herself in to.

@ZednotZee You more or less described my own not so "DF" in your post. He was physically, emotionally and financially abusive to my mum and cheated numerous times. My mum finally got the strength to leave him and he went out of his way to continue his abusive behaviour. She met my stepdad who really stepped up and was more of a father than he ever was. Fast forward twenty years my stepdad is now enjoying being an adored grandad and my "DF" however is still an alcoholic with other health problems, his own family and his kids disowned him because of his horrible behaviour to everyone. He's ended up a sad and lonely old man with no one who cares whether he lives or dies. As the saying goes you reap what you sow! Karma certainly paid him back big time

^But SO much lovely stuff too
Those men with sports cars and grown up kids.... shrug, don’t suppose they’re exactly glowing with happiness.^

It totally depends on the individual, of course. I’m 46 so know a lot of people in that peer group. Most seem happy to have adult children and enjoy their spontaneous nights out, child free holidays, etc. I think you appreciate these things far more when you’ve previously had to organize babysitters or not go at all!

All this was pre pandemic, of course. 😂

@AmICrazyorWhat2

I don’t think the OP is condemning all older parents. She’s making the point that the grass isn’t always greener, because she’s heard that her ex ( who treated her badly) is moaning about his new family. As PP’s have said, many older parents love it, despite the exhaustion.

In his case, it’s hard to have sympathy.

My comment wasn't really addressed at the OP, who was pretty clear that she was talking specifically about her ex, but the many posters who took the opportunity to just generally slate older parents in a way that was really judgemental and unkind. I mean 'His poor DC will be mortified when he rocks up to the school gate looking like their grandad. Sad bastard!' - really?

@Hardbackwriter Fair enough.😄

Thanks to all for the reminder of 'The Life and Loves of a She Devil' - both book and miniseries are well worth reading/watching. Julie T. Wallace was absolutely fantastic.
The full series is on YouTube, you can get the book delivered from Amazon for less than a fiver (used) - I really would recommend it.

Those men with sports cars and grown up kids.... shrug, don’t suppose they’re exactly glowing with happiness. Growing research that men in later mid life actually one of the most depressed groups in society. Aimless. Pushed out at work. Etc

Yeah, I just don't get these people. They have every gift possible to have in life, time, money, experience. It is beyond me that they can't see this as a brilliant opportunity to start a whole new phase of life (without trying to shag a 20 year old, which is less a new phase and more sadly mourning their youth).

My father left my mother for a younger woman. He didn’t bother with my siblings and I because he wanted a new family with his young wife.
He married OW and had three kids. He didn’t pay my mother any child support and didn’t want anything to do with us.
However, OW and new kids got sick and tired of him when he got old and infirm.
OW then decided to contact me and asked for assistance in looking after my ‘ father’ as she was finding it difficult
I told her to get lost ( but in more colourful language)
I told her that he was her husband and it was up to her and her kids to look after him as he was effectively a stranger to me.

NC for this just in case.

My XH cheated on me several times (that I know of, there may be more) throughout our marriage. A few years after our split he met someone else, got engaged and had a few kids. They eventually got married but within weeks he’d filed for divorce as he found out she’d been cheating on him with one of her colleagues for quite some time in the run up to wedding.

I don’t bear him any ill will these days but I am glad he got a taste of his own medicine.

@lostintheday

Are any of the posters actually parents? I assure you that some of us actually enjoy our children! It really is not a curse to have them

I had my kids late in life and I totally get what OP means. I would heartily recommend having kids early, so they grow up and go away when you are still relatively young in your 40's and are free to start a whole lovely new phase of life. I love my kids but I do look with envy at peers whose kids have grown and have freedom again at this mid stage of life.

fair enough in your case

but others would strongly recommend having kids later in life, to enjoy a selfish child-free youth, make the most of your younger years, travel, build a career etc. I can't think of anything worst than having a child in my 20s, it would have ruined so many things for me - we are all different. It would be the best choice for others.

@Lampzade good grief! What was she thinking? Some people are simply stunning.

Ha! What a sad sack. Why can't posters let OP have her moment for goodness sake?! I assume the sour guts on here have been in a similar situation as OP's Ex/OW.

Not sure why you think that pointing out the new father is not necessarily miserable comes from a "sour" perspective?

The danger about having these "moments" is realising that the ex and his new wife are happy, that he's a much better husband than he ever was with the OP and the new wife is enjoying what the OP would have liked...

My ex married the OW and has a child with her, he then fully repeated history by also cheating on her with a colleague and now they are getting divorced. He's since had another baby with new woman and I'm told he's cheating on this one too. So I guess he's never really happy with his grass. And I'm so glad to have got out when I did.

Ex defo did NOT want any babies, but seems to suggest that both were "accidents", with the last one being hid from even his own mother until a month before the baby was born.
He may very well be happy, but judging by his relentless, spiteful letters to my lawyer, his sudden baldness and his alcoholism, I tend to doubt it.

This thread is great

I've been on neither side of it luckily but dh has a friend who did the typical affair, left wife and teen children who are now adults... he's with the ow and has toddlers.

I don't for a minute believe most of these men wanted more babies...most were barely bothered the first time round. It's just par of the course if you wanna shack up with a younger woman...of course she'll inevitably want her own children.

Sadly OP you're looking at it from a female perspective.
From his sad, mid age crisis point of view, he has fared well.
He has managed to score humself a much youngeeger wife AND fathered a child.
He will imagine that in the eyes of other older men he will be enviedcand have gained status.
In the meantime, in the real world, his life has turned to snot.
But he won't be able to see it because he's not thinking with his head.

I really don't think that people think in that way. Perhaps for some of them that is the impression that they like to give off...but in their own heads they don't base the assessment on their current life on what others would think. They will base it on whether they are happy and living comfortably and compare it to their old life!

@formerbabe absolutely.

If a cheat settles with a younger ow and she wants dc he hasn't really got a choice. Most women want dc eventually.

And yes he may turn out to be a better df to the new dc. But it still doesn't make him a good df if he's not stepping up for his first dc. He's a df to all of them.

@GenerallyCoping

One of the 50 year old area directors where I work had an affair with one of his (much younger) staff. His wife also worked for the company so it must have been awful for her as everyone knew what was going on. Anyway, he left his (fabulous) wife for this new woman.

Almost immediately things changed for him. He looked unkempt, stressed, exhausted, took up smoking and became a complete mess. His work deteriorated and rumour has it that he was being performance managed as things had taken a nosedive and he lost the company a substantial sum of money.

He now has a baby with this new woman (she insisted on it) and looks like he hasn’t slept for a year. He left his very comfortable lifestyle for this and a woman who is refusing to return to work after her maternity leave. He had plans to retire early and move to Spain with his wife before all this happened where he could play golf every day. No chance of this happening now because his new partner is very attached to her parents and siblings and wants to move across the road from them.

Everyone thinks he’s an idiot.

Spain Golf VS Nappies Parents evenings Working till you drop.

karma?
Silly men.

I’m not sure why some posters think that you need to have children in your 20’s to be a lot “freer” in your 50’s. Having a child at 35 means they’re at university when you’re 53 or 54. You don’t need babysitters for a night out by your late 40’s. 😄