So the the grass belonging to the OW wasn't really greener then was it?!

[jemimathecat]

This is light hearted post but I just wanted to hear if there were any stories out there where your partner/spouse went off with the OW and the grass suddenly turned to mud?!!
After being deeply hurt, I now find myself chuckling when I think of the ex (mid 50's) back to changing nappies and sleepless nights and telling his mother that he has no time for himself and cannot BELIEVE how expensive baby formula is!!
Most of his friends are driving sports cars and have grown up kids (like we also do) yet the only thing he's driving is a new double buggy ! LOL!

@HitthatroadJack , dare I say you’re sounding a little unmmm angry .
I won’t use any horrible stereotypical words like you have been throwing at more mature writers here like ‘bitter ‘ but seriously , what’s youre problem
You repeatedly accuse women who are referring to men who have COMPLAINED and outright said they are not happy and accused those women of making up thag these men are not happy with their new partners and babies
You do realise , that although some dont and some are good fathers many men actually SAY that they regret their choices don’t you . THESE are the men who are being referred to here . THEy are the ones who thought the grass was greener and it Wasn’t
Yoh do also realise that women , even older ones are entitled to have opinions without have sexist old fashioned labels slapped on them right ?

@Bluntness100

I know I’m not joining in the gleeful pile on. But honestly I think it’s much healthier if you get to the stage you don’t care, rather than dream of how unhappy he might just be. That kind of bitterness doesn’t really help you.

As parents we all have whinges, he may be happy, he might not be, he maybe happier than he was, he may not be, but ultimately it’s irrelevant.

Not caring about his happiness or lack of it, should always be the aim, no matter how hard, becayse then you’re healed.

Did you miss the lighthearted bit in the OP?

For god sake, let the woman air her thoughts on the anonymous interweb. We all have these thoughts. Doesn't make a person a bitter crone/ageist/man hater if they aren't sweetness & light all the time.

OP wasn't getting at older parents, rather pointing out the irony of doing it all AGAIN.

OP - I am with you. If my DH cheated and went back to the world of small children, I would laugh my ass off.

‘For god sake, let the woman air her thoughts on the anonymous interweb. We all have these thoughts. Doesn't make a person a bitter crone/ageist/man hater if they aren't sweetness & light all the time.’

This

Rustyplastic
you are completely missing my point and clearly conveniently ignoring what I am writing.

You don't even have a clue how old I might be
If someone is angry, it's clearly not me.

Now I am just curious, many men actually SAY that they regret their choices don’t you, great, so why being so bitter about it?

Me too 😁

Caitlin Moran did a good piece about how in the third stage of life men have the option to “go back” and redo that stage of life with a younger woman. Women cannot physically do that so are forced to move on to the next stage. Bring it on!

@cardswapping
that programme is based on a book calle dthe life and loves of a she devil by fay weldon which is absolutely BRILLIANT and really very dark!

@HitthatroadJack

Rustyplastic you are completely missing my point and clearly conveniently ignoring what I am writing.

You don't even have a clue how old I might be
If someone is angry, it's clearly not me.

Now I am just curious, many men actually SAY that they regret their choices don’t you, great, so why being so bitter about it?

Lol and again why is noting that it’s karma being bitter and btw how many men have you called bitter . My bet ? Zero It’s a term almost universally used to prevent women speaking up

@MsTSwift

Me too 😁

Caitlin Moran did a good piece about how in the third stage of life men have the option to “go back” and redo that stage of life with a younger woman. Women cannot physically do that so are forced to move on to the next stage. Bring it on!

Yes men do have the option not to grow up . I guess that’s why so many don’t

@HitthatroadJack
As for your age I don’t remember calling you young ? I simply referred to others as more mature. I absolutely stand by that . I base that simply on the fact that other here display an understanding of logical argument and of sexist language .
You clearly can’t understand what’s wrong with labelling women ‘bitter ‘
You’re clearly not one who believes in equality for men and women because if you did you understand EXACTLY what is so wrong about this yet you repeatedly do it
I’ll leave you to your mysogynist language and thinking . I think you need more educating on these things than you can gain on a forum . Perhaps there’s a university course nearby on gender politics you could consider enrolling in .
It’s amazing to me how many woman are indoctrinated into the patriarchy and are mysogynistic

Rustyplastic

oh dear 😂
That's why I love MN.

If you were interested by my opinion, you would have actually read my posts, so I won't bother repeating them.

Hey ho, after all it's all working out ok: first wife is happy, ex husband is happy and new wife is happy. Sounds like a chick flick, who could ask for more

"But it's amazing how many of them don't notice just how utterly miserable they are, until their dick falls into into an OW!"
Exactly.
My ex was happy with me, or appeared to be.
We were planning a wedding.
He was with her for six months, still planning a wedding.
I didn't know anything was wrong until a week before I found out about her.
They had already planned to move in together by then..
Call me naive. He looked happy. He was telling me he was happy.
He even sent me messages how happy he was and how he couldn't wait to be married to me.
So he might be happy now.
Or he might just look happy...
Who can tell?
I hope she wonders.

Hello @TheFormidableMrsC so nice to see you :)
I remember the saga, what a nightmare your ex and PP (did I get it right) put you and your DS through.
You are an example of a warrior 💐

As for the thread it’s an example of bed being made by the cheaters. Good luck to them(not) and good riddance to those who dropped them.

There’s no “moral high ground” when somebody wants to screw you and the kids over through their selfish acts.

@workshy44 woman in their 50s are far, far less likely to put up with bullshit, or romanticised guff along the lines of "here worship ". Some younger women (not all) are far more likely to fit the bill, for the sort of man who feels he needs that.

@TheFormidableMrsC

I'm going to put this thread on watch to read later but this is very very timely! I had a long running saga on here around 7 years ago when my now ex-h left me and our toddler completely out of the blue. The OW was a psychopath then and has escalated by a million fold since.

I have been stalked on here by them and therefore do not want to go into too much detail, but a few weeks ago, I was contacted by somebody connected to them out of concern for our DS (who doesn't have contact with my ex now). I have been given an insight that I didn't ever imagine I would have. It is a situation you couldn't write. I knew my ex-h, despite his protestations of happiness, was not quite that happy given the actual sight of him, lack of personal care for example, unusual from somebody who was obsessed with how he looked when we were married. However, I couldn't believe what I was told. This information was not given in malice nor in a gossipy capacity, but out of genuine concern. It has brought me a level of peace I never thought I would find. I actually feel deeply sorry for him, but also feel that this is his karma for the utterly appalling way he has treated me and our son. It would have been our 20th wedding anniversary today. I am currently toasting my freedom and the happiness I have found in my life and knowing full well that the grass on the other side tasted like shit. He has spent his entire life being a playboy and is now stuck with a violent, narcisstic alcoholic who tracks his every move. He's lost everything. Oh well, shit happens!

I am SO glad you have found happiness, MrsC 🙌

@FrenchBoule

Hello *@TheFormidableMrsC* so nice to see you :) I remember the saga, what a nightmare your ex and PP (did I get it right) put you and your DS through. You are an example of a warrior 💐

As for the thread it’s an example of bed being made by the cheaters. Good luck to them(not) and good riddance to those who dropped them.

There’s no “moral high ground” when somebody wants to screw you and the kids over through their selfish acts.

Thank you for your lovely message! I always appreciate anybody remembering me as it was an utter saga! I never thought I'd recover but here we are. This year I was diagnosed with breast cancer and I am nearing the end of treatment. None of it has been worse than that period in my life. I am so happy and settled now. It's a good feeling. Thank you xx

@PatriciaPerch

I'm not mature, I am 43 and have a 21,19 and 13 yo

I still understand about misogynistic language and how it is used to silence women

I actually thought the thread was about masculinity and vanity and how that can present itself and what could be the consequence. I have more sympathy for those damaged by those actions in all honesty.

Yes exactly what I’m saying . It takes maturity to realise the ways in which language , particularly words like bitter are used to silence women. And maturity has nothing to do with age . I know 20 year olds who are mature and 50 year olds who are not Hittharoadjack was the one who jumped to the conclusion that when I said mature I was referring to age .

My ex dumped me for someone he had known for a month and in that month got her pregnant! She then proceeded to harass me by any means possible until I had a mental breakdown and had to report her to the police. Fast forward two years of hell and I'm picking myself up and moving on, actually looking forward to life. Meanwhile he constantly calls sobbing about how he's destroyed his life, how he wishes he had never met her, he wishes he had never got her pregnant etc etc etc! She is blissfully unaware of all of this and thinks she's the cat that got the cream!

It is amazing how often that "greener grass" turns yellow after a man has pee'd all over it, marking his territory!

Not me but my friend who ironically I met via her ex as he was a work colleague of DH.

Her&her ex were engaged and actively planning the wedding eg venue booked,save the date gone out etc

He then broke up with her out of the blue with no particular reason;said there was no OW even though his ex strongly suspected there was and who it was (a 21 year old student who was 15 years his junior).He was lying through his teeth however he told everyone that his ex was a crazy bitch and spreading false rumours of him cheating (which he was).She was right it was this student.

Anyway cue his social being full of embarrassing posts/photos of him trying to keep up with OW (now his GF) and her equally young mates.He stuck out like a sore thumb.

He proposed to OW;they booked and planned the entire wedding only for it to be called off just weeks before because the bride to be was cheating with the best man.Their still together,my friend is happily settled and recently had twins with her partner and he's still single

[quote Rustyplastic]@HitthatroadJack ahhh ‘bitterness ‘ that overused word men and younger women like to throw at more mature women who actually know better and have the guts to speak the truth
Sweetness is nothing but putting up with men’s bullshit . Most young women should pray they get called ‘bitter’ one day because it’s simply a label society puts on wisdom and assertiveness that women gain with age that scares the hell out of them ![/quote]
What a brilliant post, Rustyplastic and so true - "bitter" is used as a pejorative term, mostly by men about older women who are wise to their
shenanigans. I'm loving this thread. And think jolly good for the OP, if she's enjoying a bit of schadenfreude.

A friend of my sister's was dumped by her husband, in his 50s. They had teenage kids but he went off with an OW in her early 30s, and had a baby with her. My DS's friend later met a wealthy widow and is having a lovely time.
My sister told me that the 50-something ex-H is "going through the nappy stage all over again. There is a God."

These silly men are such dick-driven idiots that they get everything they deserve. And I for one love it - bring on the schadenfreude!

@MoonPomme

"But it's amazing how many of them don't notice just how utterly miserable they are, until their dick falls into into an OW!" Exactly. My ex was happy with me, or appeared to be. We were planning a wedding. He was with her for six months, still planning a wedding. I didn't know anything was wrong until a week before I found out about her. They had already planned to move in together by then.. Call me naive. He looked happy. He was telling me he was happy. He even sent me messages how happy he was and how he couldn't wait to be married to me. So he might be happy now. Or he might just look happy... Who can tell? I hope she wonders.

The OW needs to remember this truism..."If they (man or woman) will do it with you, they will do it to you." And she should wonder.

@20shadesofgreen

Sadly OP you're looking at it from a female perspective

I think most like the OP is looking at this from the way that she gets to make peace with the situation which is judging him with her own values not those imposed on her by men or really anyone who would find her Ex’s behaviour is tolerable.

Well said @20shadesofgreen. The posters pissing on the OP’s chips haven’t walked in her shoes either. In fact I’m guessing that some have been OW.

@KeyLimePies , absolutely agree . God forbid a woman actually form her own opinions based on her own values rather than the follow the patriarchy and shut up and accept the sexist narrative. And gasp how dare she actually go even further and voice those opinions
Fuck the patriarchy and all who listen to that bullshit ....

Applauds