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Relationships

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Original poster

So the the grass belonging to the OW wasn't really greener then was it?!

557 replies

jemimathecat · 07/12/2020 12:53

This is light hearted post but I just wanted to hear if there were any stories out there where your partner/spouse went off with the OW and the grass suddenly turned to mud?!!
After being deeply hurt, I now find myself chuckling when I think of the ex (mid 50's) back to changing nappies and sleepless nights and telling his mother that he has no time for himself and cannot BELIEVE how expensive baby formula is!!
Most of his friends are driving sports cars and have grown up kids (like we also do) yet the only thing he's driving is a new double buggy ! LOL!

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 08/12/2020 13:46

Lol, love this thread! Yup, my ex is absolutely shitting himself now that he's actually going to have to have a relationship with the woman he had an affair with, or confront her and call it off (his most hated thing). She was very useful for a blow job in a car park, but debating politics, not so much. Evil cackle. I know it's bitchy, but fuck me, it's funny.

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 08/12/2020 13:58

I'm sure there are men who were unhappy in their first marriages and happier in their second. But it's amazing how many of them don't notice just how utterly miserable they are, until their dick falls into into an OW!
Most people have affairs because they are a bit bored and they have an opportunity. They aren't desperately unhappy in their relationships.
Affairs are completely different to deciding a relationship isn't working, leaving and then embarking on a new relationship.
To leave a marriage because life is a bit routine and then deliberately recreating that routine in the new relationship, seems barking to me!

lunalulu · 08/12/2020 14:18

@BuzzingtheBee

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

What's so funny?

AlternativePerspective · 08/12/2020 14:19

Ever thought that maybe it wasn't the fact that these men didn't want the drudgery of family life? Maybe they were quite happy with their kids but maybe they weren't happy with their wives? It's not all that straightforward. so instead of ending that relationship, they decided to shag someone else instead until they found the right one? Riiight.

I do believe that sometimes affairs are not black and white, but even if that’s the case, if you have an affair you have to take some responsibility for it.

As for the people getting offended thinking that posters are having a dig at all older parents, unless you are an OW or a man who has left his wife and the older kids for shitty nappies and sleepless nights, why on earth would you think any of those comments applied to you

Bluntness100 · 08/12/2020 14:21

But you’re not recreating it, it can never be the same, because it’s with a different person and the relationship will be different. Very few people leave because “it’s a bit routine”. Usually there is a lot more to a relationship break down than that.

It’s really sad to see the number of women hoping that their ex’s are desperately unhappy. Even when it’s likely they are no such thing. I understand why, if you’ve been hurt you’d want to fantasise they are unhappy, but processing through that to not caring, and being happy in your own right always has to be the goal.

When you’re still dreaming about them being unhappy and not willing to accept they might be, then you’re not over it, and still deeply unhappy yourself. 💐

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 08/12/2020 14:22

@HitthatroadJack

That would far too balanced a view

(I agree with you)

I agree too, many do but you are very brave to write it on here!

You can look at examples around you to see that of course it's true.

I agree too, but those aren’t the examples being discussed here. This thread is mainly about ex’s who cheated.

If someone’s unhappy with their spouse, they can leave them and then find someone new. That’s sad for everyone concerned, but not horrible behavior. Cheating then leaving is completely different, Don’t you agree?

HitthatroadJack · 08/12/2020 14:49

technically the thread was about how an ex having a baby with his new wife later in life was a sign of misery and a reason to be cheerful.

I'd be the first to laugh when karma bites someone in the arse, I just don't agree that a new baby applies, and I am not sure pretending there will only be unhappy updates is realistic, or healthy.

arethereanyleftatall · 08/12/2020 15:03

@Bluntness100
I think that's only true if you're consumed by it. I can only speak for myself, but I have totally moved on; I maybe give this 0.00001% of my thoughts, but yes, do get a secret smile at the thought the grass wasn't greener.

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 08/12/2020 15:23

I don't think people leave because life's a bit routine and hard. I think that's why they have affairs. That and opportunity, I suppose. Then they might leave if they think the grass is greener. But then to go and do the thing that made life routine in the first place strikes me as nuts. Yes, it's a new relationship, so not exactly the same experience but changing pooey nappies doesn't change much. Idk, maybe I'm wrong but I do wonder how many of those men really wanted more kids and how many had to do it to keep the woman they've just fucked up their marriage and older kids' lives for

Bluntness100 · 08/12/2020 15:30

Mrs hunt, I’m still not with you to be honest, many men who start a second family are happy to do so, no one leaves because they had to change a shitty nappy ans if they do they are hardly likely to hang around for round two.

Plenty of people, both men and women, remarry, have more kids ans have very long happy marriages.

Feedingthebirds1 · 08/12/2020 15:36

There's a big difference between all pervading bitterness which impacts someone's whole life, and getting on happily with your own life but having a bit of a chuckle at the ex that lasts all of, ooh, five minutes.

A cheating ex knew what he was doing when there was an OW. He only thought of himself, and when the split came to it, he moved on thinking he'd got a really good deal but leaving his wife devastated because to her it was a shock, she hadn't known. So there was hurt and anger, practicalities to sort. I don't blame her if she wants to have a quick giggle that she now has a wonderful life and his choices have bitten him on the bum.

workshy44 · 08/12/2020 15:36

Bluntness I think you can be over someone and still have a secret gloat when someone who screwed you over badly gets their comeuppance. It is human nature, not a sign that they are desperate saddos that haven't moved on.
No one posting on this thread sounded like they were pining over the ex at all to me

HitthatroadJack · 08/12/2020 16:05

I don't blame her if she wants to have a quick giggle that she now has a wonderful life and his choices have bitten him on the bum.

but again, it's a huge leap to pretend it has bitten him on the bum.

Shit comparison, but I can't come up with a better one: say my cheating ex buys a caravan. I could giggle because I frankly can't think of anything worst. It wouldn't mean that HE is miserable about it. He might even have the time of his life with it! Some people love caravans and camping.

It's not karma or a comeuppance or a reality check when someone is happy about something that you would personally hate. At most it's relief it's not you in there.

Ex stealing the family house somehow, and a motorway being built in the back garden, or neighbours from hell moving in.. that's karma, and something to laugh about.

Feedingthebirds1 · 08/12/2020 16:07

but again, it's a huge leap to pretend it has bitten him on the bum.

Well as the OP's ex is complaining to his mum about having the baby around, I'm assuming he's not deliriously happy about it either.

Bluntness100 · 08/12/2020 16:18

@Feedingthebirds1

but again, it's a huge leap to pretend it has bitten him on the bum.

Well as the OP's ex is complaining to his mum about having the baby around, I'm assuming he's not deliriously happy about it either.

I don’t know, I’ve never met one parent who hasn’t had a whinge now ans again. Not one.

I’m knackered, it’s expensive, they are teething, whatever, I don’t take it as a sign they didn’t wish the children and Anyone who suggests to a parent on here who is having a whinge that they shouldn’t have had kids, gets their arse handed to them,

workshy44 · 08/12/2020 16:31

Yes he must be deliriously happy, mid 50's and knee deep in nappies for the second time in his adult life and no time to himself when one would expect some having raised his first lot of children
I would say the odds are v v much towards what the hell have I done

Dashel · 08/12/2020 16:31

More than anything I don’t understand is why anyone would go on to have a child with their affair partner if they left their spouse and dc to be with you and don’t pay child support or see their dc.

This could apply to anyone. If they are a shit and absent parent to one lot of kids it’s unlikely they are suddenly going to be a great parent or spouse. I know parents of both sexes who have gone on to have second families and are great parents to both sets of children, but none of these people had affairs or rushed into having to dc to keep a partner happy.

MsTSwift · 08/12/2020 16:54

Although every child a blessing etc I think many of us mid forties onwards currently dealing with teens would utterly recoil in horror from going back to the baby / toddler days (speaking for myself and literally all my friends) so for us yes seeing male same age peers making that choice to go back for more does seem bizarre! If my dh chose to I would think he was mental however sexy the new woman may be.

HitthatroadJack · 08/12/2020 16:55

Maybe he is a fan of "Modern Family"

MarshaBradyo · 08/12/2020 16:55

I have a teen and toddler and one in between. But really no bad times here. It’s nice, not for everyone though!

Can’t talk for men on second family. Different dynamic. Some are probably happy.

MarshaBradyo · 08/12/2020 16:56

I think the hard part is making sure all the dc come first. And if they do, not so bad.

WiseOwlWan · 08/12/2020 17:10

[quote arethereanyleftatall]@Bluntness100
I think that's only true if you're consumed by it. I can only speak for myself, but I have totally moved on; I maybe give this 0.00001% of my thoughts, but yes, do get a secret smile at the thought the grass wasn't greener. [/quote]
Yeh same here, moved on. I am a much much happier person than my x who still hates me for leaving. He didnt cheat but he did steall all of my freedim, so if i heard somebody had left him with a baby so she could have a better life, i would pause and smile. Not everybody who posts here is mired in resentment. It is humorous.

MsTSwift · 08/12/2020 17:12

Actually puts me in mind of the film It’s Complicated with Meryl Streep

Leaspr · 08/12/2020 17:49

I just found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me with his ex. So he’s done with. I’m not even going to acknowledge their existence!
I know she’s not the woman for him; and that’s not me being bitter. I just know it won’t work and that I offered him far more than she ever can. I mean, clearly what I had to offer still wasn’t enough but I give them 2mths, max.
Look forward to watching it fall apart!
Although, having said that, he’s had a really hard life. Stuff I couldn’t even imagine having to go through. So a part of me still can’t help but to care about him and hope he does figure out the issues that he has.

Iris5543 · 08/12/2020 17:50

I think there are plenty of second wives on this thread😂

Seriously HE CHEATED...go read some of the threads from devastated wives.
Enjoying a bit of karma...perfectly reasonable!!!

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