Sad, lonely and a long time since I’ve smiled

[Sadnessallaround]

Just wanted to get the following written down as a bit of an outlet.

Have recently split up with partner of 25 years. Have 2 DD who I adore.
They are aware that their dad and I have split up. As it stands we are all living together. Ex partner and I are now sleeping in separate rooms.
I am just feeling so terribly sad and lonely.
The house is all decorated for Christmas yet I have no Christmas spirit. My eldest ( teenager ) tells me that she feels sad. I give her a hug, apologise, let her know that i’ll always be here for her. I’ll then cry with her.

I don’t mention to her about it’s all been daddy’s decision to split up with mummy and he wished he never met me and how he has done this to make himself happy.
He has met someone new and has proceeded to tell DD’s. They know that he goes to see her. He has told them that he will now spend his time 50 / 50 between them and gf. I think this is so sad, being told from your dad that he only wants to spend half his time with you

I just needed to write this down

No need to talk of divorce

Op isn't married. Thank goodness. One less thing to worry about

Duh I forgot is so long since I read the op.

Start proceedings to sell the house. You can't live like this is like having a raw weeping wound.

Oh thank goodness for that. Sorry, mises that in the OP.

I feel so sorry for you my recent ex has started a relationship with someone from our work and watching him follow her round and arrange having our child around her days off breaks my heart every day. So I've no idea how you are coping x

I just can't believe you are going to placidly put up with this awful situation for another 2 years. Unless there is a backstop to this I can't see what difference it makes?
We all really feel for you OP. Its the most heartbreaking situation to be in not just for you but your girls aswell. They must feel so confused by their Dad who has changed into another person. In my opinion you are doing them more harm than good by accepting this fiasco. He's doing this because he knows he can get away with anything. There are no reprisals for his disgusting treatment of you and his children. I dont mean to sound rude but you sound fixated on his health issues and why he isn't confiding in you. He's probably an extremely worried person indeed at the moment. You are not in his new life anymore. Not as a confidant or anything else. I'd be quietly enjoying his realisation that life comes with some nasty surprises. Trying to be saintly for your daughters wont work im afraid. They love you anyway and I'm sure they would love to see their Mum chuck his vile ass out. Please try and think about freeing yourself of this sorry excuse for a man.

All your comments are very much appreciated. I hear you all. Thanks for the ‘straight talking’

@Tigertigertigertiger

That’s right we’re not married and i’m very thankful for this.

@RandomMess

You’re right it’s like having a raw weeping wound.

@aliceloo123

Sorry to read about your ex

@Zerrin13

Many of your words are so correct.

Regarding the health problem ( I realise that he is waiting on the results ) I am worried what impact this will have on DDs.

Would it really be ok to ask him to leave if he gets diagnosed with an illness ?

Of course it's ok to ask him to leave. He is in a relationship with someone else!!!

Diagnosis of ill health or not you need to rip the plaster off, properly separate, get the house sold and start a new life for you.

He's still fucking someone else!

And if he gets diagnosed with something, will still be fucking someone else!

Whilst you become his nurse!

Christ yes you can ask him to leave. And I say that as a nurse, lol.

You owe him nothing. Not one single cup of tea.

@RandomMess @ElspethFlashman

Heard loud and clear

Do it for your girls, this must be so confusing and upsetting for them. I'm sure they are anxious wondering if and when they will see Daddy, when is he leaving etc etc. All when it's paraded in front of them daily

Yes it would. It is OK to state your boundaries. It us OK to say his behaviour is unacceptable and you want him to move out. He isn't suddenly a great guy because he might be sick. Does he have anywhere to go besides to GF place, like family? If there's anything you're still doing that makes him feel comfortable in the home I'd stop doing that. Is there anything that might push him to make the choice to leave himself? The fact he's not doing the right thing and moving out shows you exactly who he is. And that person doesn't deserve any of your time or any consideration.

Regarding the health problem ( I realise that he is waiting on the results ) I am worried what impact this will have on DDs

My guess is it is an STD.

Could be. Both Chlamidya and Gonorrhea causes blood in the urine.

@ElspethFlashman

Could be. Both Chlamidya and Gonorrhea causes blood in the urine.

is it wrong that I'm hoping that it is just an STD... he kinda deserves that wee treat.

Hi OP.

What what i have read about the comings and goings, i'd say new GF doesn't want him there full time. But this isn't your problem-he ended the relationship and has left you.

You need to dig deep and IF you really feel that asking him to move out is not an option. Then you have to at least establish some boundaries and routine. He does not have the right to come and go as he chooses as an owner or co parent. Because you are the join owner and other parent. If he could split the week, or do set nights or times it would benefit you all. He won't like it because he wants things all his own way. You will feel so much better with some routine. At least once a week he needs to be gone for two nights without coming back in between so you can reset to cope with the situation. You need to cut down on the amount of changeovers as they are not good for DDs either when they are mentally struggling with split loyalties. This sort of partial separation is so painful it actually gets easy when you do properly separate.

If you let him call all the shots like this now. When you do properly separate and are living in different homes will he expect to have contact with DD daily? Will he expect to come in and own of YOUR home? Sounds like he will be wanting to change plans all the time last minute because he is a VIP-this will be v upsetting for you when you are trying to build a new life. So you must begin to be firmer right now.

@Bythemillpond

Regarding the health problem ( I realise that he is waiting on the results ) I am worried what impact this will have on DDs

My guess is it is an STD.

Morning

It’s only a matter of time before ‘wee’ get to know !

@HereIAmOnceAgain

Yes it would. It is OK to state your boundaries. It us OK to say his behaviour is unacceptable and you want him to move out. He isn't suddenly a great guy because he might be sick. Does he have anywhere to go besides to GF place, like family? If there's anything you're still doing that makes him feel comfortable in the home I'd stop doing that. Is there anything that might push him to make the choice to leave himself? The fact he's not doing the right thing and moving out shows you exactly who he is. And that person doesn't deserve any of your time or any consideration.

He certainly isn’t a great guy because he might be sick.

He has been being his usual mean self and i’m done with giving him any considerations.

I’m going to start looking at all my finances in detail.

Thanks all