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Original poster

Why is there so many single women in their 30's/early 40's

144 replies

Freshprincess12 · 01/12/2020 15:27

Me and a friend were discussing this before.
There seems to be so many, mainly childless women in their late 30s/early 40s. Just wondering why this could be.
Im asking because my friend's dh has left her for a woman he met at work late 30s, single, very good career. Last year my DH had an EA with a work colleague who was a single, childless woman in her early 40s.
A few years before that when he split he also had a fling with a childless woman in her late 30s
Could this be the reason why men have so mamy affairs? Because there are ready available single women who can give them more time and attention than their dp/dws. Its so sad but Im always wondering why women seem to be single at that age mark, as from what I know they usually end up with married men - probably more attention shown and fear of it being too late to try for a baby/start a family.
I wish these women could be warned that having a married man is a recipe for a disaster and it wont give them a stable relationship theyre hoping for.

OP posts:
Ilovegreentomatoes · 02/12/2020 00:16

I'm 41 single not childless.And no I don't want your man op.

Osirus · 02/12/2020 00:17

@Twizbe

Have we just stepped into Bridget Jones's Diary?

'So tell me Bridget, why are there so many single women in their 30s?'

It's the scales isn't it?

That’s exactly how I read the thread title, in the same character’s voice as well!
Osirus · 02/12/2020 00:22

@Crazyfrog999

Maybe they aren't desperate enough to stay with men who have flings and emotional affairs? Now that's sad, being single isn't.

Agreed.

I'm mid 30s and single and childless. I focussed on my career, becoming financially independent, with my own property and car. I only just feel comfortable and confidence enough to meet someone to build a life with and start a family with.

There isn't anything sad about this. It's called being smart.

I’d find that rather sad.

Was that career worth sacrificing a potential family for? I wouldn’t feel quite so self assured in my mid-thirties if I were single and wanted a family. Your career will be a memory one day. It certainly won’t be visiting you at Christmas time when you’re heading into your twilight years.

MRC20 · 02/12/2020 00:22

Haha, of course men have affairs because they can't say no to all those single 30/40 somethings throwing themselves at them. Poor blokes, it must be so difficult, they're the real victims here.

Of course all single women in this age group have affairs with married men. It's a well known fact isn't it 🤣🤣🤣

You obviously have issues. If your husband cheated it's because he's a dick love.

interest12 · 02/12/2020 06:44

@dasey

Maybe they aren't desperate enough to stay with men who have flings and emotional affairs? Now that's sad, being single isn't.
Absolutely
interest12 · 02/12/2020 06:47

@Freshprincess12

I agree the older you get, the fussier you are finding the one..however, a lot of them seem to become the ow which is contradictory as they just end up in an even more complicated relationshop hurting many people in the long run.
You’re coming across as quite spiteful op. If he cheated on you blame him
Emmapeeler2 · 02/12/2020 08:53

Was that career worth sacrificing a potential family for? I wouldn’t feel quite so self assured in my mid-thirties if I were single and wanted a family. Your career will be a memory one day. It certainly won’t be visiting you at Christmas time when you’re heading into your twilight years

I find it sad that people think like you do. This sort of thinking makes women panic at 30 and end up financially dependent on the wrong partner. The pp has time to meet someone and have a family if that's what she wants, having become financially independent with a good career. She sounds pretty sorted to me.

I also disagree that a really good career becomes a distant memory. Relatives of mine still travel all around the world, despite being well into retirement, because of the careers they have had. They have also many lifelong friends through work. Also, having children is no guarantee they will visit you at Christmas and not a reason to have them!

DuckingFogg · 02/12/2020 09:37

Well, I think it's clear that the reason so many married men have affairs is because they don't have to face up to the fact they've done something wrong when they have one and the reunited 'happy' couple can then direct all their anger and dissolution towards all those man eating women in their 30s and 40s, while the man can be convinced that despite his lying and manipulation he's actually a victim and not a perpetrator. While he's on the lookout for the next opportunity

I mean it's not like married men can take their wedding ring off and lie is it?

I'm in my early 40s and single, though I'm not childless and don't have a great career, I worked behind a bar at one point and considered getting a badge that stated I didn't want to shag sad little middle aged married men who are bored with their wives because I'm quite happy with my life the way it is (hard to believe I know that I can be happy and content without any man, never mind someone else's) if nothing else, as a woman behind a bar, I was guaranteed to have to give them some attention in the form of "What can I get you?" And "£3.50 please" once served a pint and still be there at the end of the night. Luckily the chef was a 6foot rugby player, he was gay, but quite happy to see off the more persistent ones who married or not seemed to think not wanting to shag them was poor customer service.

You're basically giving your DH and your friends DH the green light to continue having affairs by absolving them of any blame whatsoever.
And you're an idiot.

Isitreally77 · 02/12/2020 09:53

@Freshprincess12

I agree the older you get, the fussier you are finding the one..however, a lot of them seem to become the ow which is contradictory as they just end up in an even more complicated relationshop hurting many people in the long run.
Yes the older i got the fussier I got. I spent years with a man that treated me like shit. I won't be accepting that again. So no I won't be the other woman, I want my next man to treat me with respect, to be his one and only woman. I don't want to just have quick lunch time sessions when he can fit me in between the wife and looking after the kids.

You seem to be projecting your own insecurities in your marriage on single women. Maybe look a little closer to home for your answers instead of blaming other women.

Annasgirl · 02/12/2020 09:54

@Bunkbedpeople - you win post of the day - it was worth reading the OP's daft post just to get to the delight that was yours.

Donotlikemyname · 02/12/2020 10:25

Omg. I think you’ve solved the age old problem (no pun intended) as to why men cheat on their wives. Clearly the solution is remove these home wreckers from polite society to save our innocent men from succumbing to their evil temptress ways. Will somebody think of the men !

GrumpyHoonMain · 02/12/2020 10:31

The wealthier and more successful you are the less likely you are to settle for less in personal relationships, this applied whether you’re male or female. In my experience women who are single in their late 30s - early 40s tend to be fit, attractive, and fun because they haven’t spent their youth being hammered by failing relationships or their bodies hammered having kids. They nearly always, in my experience, tend to go for younger partners and when they’re ready to have kids usually have no problems conceiving.

Left · 02/12/2020 10:35

Ah OP - how scary to think of your husband, vulnerable, and unable to fend off predatory flocks of adoring single women. It's easy to fix though - join us! Look put for your local group on Meet Up. Once you are officially single you will become irresistible to him. Problem solved.

PS we will resume hunting in packs on Thursday evenings, 7-10pm, once lockdown restrictions are eased.

AspiringAmazon · 02/12/2020 10:57

Some people find their career immensely rewarding and worrying about loneliness in old age seems a ridiculous reason to have children. Maybe you won’t get on with your child, maybe they’ll move to Australia, who knows?
For reference, I’m 39 going on 40 with no interest in procreating and sometimes I desperately miss being single. Not because I long to be on the prowl for married men but because my time was my own to do with as I pleased, bliss!

lemonsquashie · 02/12/2020 13:51

It's more a London thing isn't it?

You're putting the blame on the women

Men have affairs because theyre bastards

Women stay single because there aren't many decent men on offer

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 02/12/2020 14:09

I did have the experience of a single woman with a successful career (about 30) pursuing my DH shortly after we’d had our first child. So it does happen sometimes, everyone’s capable of unpleasant behavior.

When I say pursuing, she was literally turning up to places she knew he’d be ( and thought I wouldn't be), but unfortunately for her, I was also there a couple of times! I let her know by various signals that I knew she was after him and she backed off.

I still have no idea why she pursued him rather than a single man. Perhaps he enjoyed the attention and encouraged her at first, but then realized it wasn’t worth my wrath.😂
She later got married and he cheated on her within a year....

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 02/12/2020 14:15

But I agree with PP’s that the vast majority of successful women in their 30’s/40’s wouldn’t stoop to pursuing married men, more likely the other way around.

didthosefeetinancienttimes · 02/12/2020 16:52

@stampsurprise

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.smh.com.au/lifestyle/why-women-lose-the-dating-game-20120421-1xdn0.html

Why women lose the dating game

Misogynist. shite. This kind of article has been around since women became more independent. 70s, 80s, 90s, 00s etc - it is trotted out as if it is the first time. It is full of talk about talk about women's sense of "entitlement", will quote a stat claiming there are no men for "educated" women and they will all end up aloooooooooooooooone
Stonecrop · 02/12/2020 17:03

I’ve heard that that men like to date women less intelligent/successful than them (for their egos maybe!), so OP if you know mainly high achieving people the single ones are perhaps more likely to be women?

Original poster
Freshprincess12 · 02/12/2020 17:22

@Stonecrop

Ive heard this too and dh has always said this. He has a better education than me and job. However, the ow he had an affair with was in a higher position than him, basically dictated work for hin to do so I just didnt get it Xmas Confused

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 02/12/2020 17:30

"I’ve heard that that men like to date women less intelligent/successful than them (for their egos maybe!),"

Traditionally they've dated women of similar intelligence, but who had slightly lower status jobs because that's what happened to women in society. Simone de Beauvoir said a man had to be more successful to be her equal.

Echobelly · 02/12/2020 17:35

Maybe a fair amount of them want to be? Maybe relationship/marriage isn't the 'gold standard' now that women can earn money and be valued for more than being 'marriagable' or bearing children.

Will certainly be telling my daughter she should do what makes her happy and not feel she has to be married/have a LTR/have kids unless she wants that. After all, a lot of research shows that ultimately single life is better for women than it is for men!

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 02/12/2020 17:39

Success can be defined in so many different ways as well.

You could be CEO of a nonprofit and make a fraction of the salary that the CEO of an oil company makes. But your partner’s proud of what you do, not how much money you make.

Personally I think complimentary traits work best, rather than greater/lesser intelligence.

Digressing slightly from the original topic!

Leaannb · 02/12/2020 17:43

@Freshprincess12

There seems to be a lot of hostility here. Which makes me think that there is women that have bee the ow and see this as an offensive post.
People see it as an offensive post because of the sweeping generalities you are making. Its not the single woman's fault that your husband won't keep his pants zipped up. Most single and childfree women in their late 30s and 40s are that way because they CHOOSE too. They don't want your sloppy seconds. They know that since your husband is cheating on you that he will cheat on them. They aren't settling for anyone....However, it seems you are. Thats fine. Thats your choice to stay with a cheating husband but don't blame others for your choices
Leaannb · 02/12/2020 17:50

@Osirus...What makes you think your adult children will be rushing home to visit you at Christmas or in a care home? Adult children jave lives that don't always prioritize their parents. Sometimes its distance, work, or other family obligations. The worst thing you can do is place your happiness on the shoulders of your children. You need a reality check