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Original poster

Why is there so many single women in their 30's/early 40's

144 replies

Freshprincess12 · 01/12/2020 15:27

Me and a friend were discussing this before.
There seems to be so many, mainly childless women in their late 30s/early 40s. Just wondering why this could be.
Im asking because my friend's dh has left her for a woman he met at work late 30s, single, very good career. Last year my DH had an EA with a work colleague who was a single, childless woman in her early 40s.
A few years before that when he split he also had a fling with a childless woman in her late 30s
Could this be the reason why men have so mamy affairs? Because there are ready available single women who can give them more time and attention than their dp/dws. Its so sad but Im always wondering why women seem to be single at that age mark, as from what I know they usually end up with married men - probably more attention shown and fear of it being too late to try for a baby/start a family.
I wish these women could be warned that having a married man is a recipe for a disaster and it wont give them a stable relationship theyre hoping for.

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 01/12/2020 16:10

You and your friend both married untrustworthy and unfaithful men - and it sounds as if you are still choosing to stay with yours. You have more to be worrying about than why other women are single, although I can see that it is more comfortable to ruminate on this than to reflect on your own lives.

Original poster
Freshprincess12 · 01/12/2020 16:10

There seems to be a lot of hostility here. Which makes me think that there is women that have bee the ow and see this as an offensive post.

OP posts:
OverTheRubicon · 01/12/2020 16:13

@Freshprincess12

I know many people because of the career Im in and I have to say there does seem to be more single women in their 30s/40s then there is me..it does baffle me!
Are you living in a city? Meeting with people in work? Often this is demographics - women are slightly overrepresented in urban environments and in white collar jobs, so many mumsnetters, in the same groups, will meet more women than men.

Additionally, in our society we often think that men have a wider.range of women as potential partners. People wouldnt raise eyebrows at a 39 year old single man in a professional job dating someone who was 28 year old, or who taught yoga part time, or who lived as an adult with her also-single mum... but might if the genders were reversed. Educated women often end up with a far reduced pool of men that they (/society) might consider potential partners.

However the affair thing is unfair and likely not true. Maybe the affairs with single people come.out more often, because the married women have more incentive to keep it hidden?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 01/12/2020 16:14

Ah, you went too far with that last post - you could have got way more mileage out of this.

CayrolBaaaskin · 01/12/2020 16:15

@CorianderBlues - how is it weird to discuss relationships?

shelvira · 01/12/2020 16:18

If indeed women are choosing to stay single into their 30s and 40s, it is because since the 1970s, women have actually been able to open their own bank accounts without their husband's signature, etc etc, and so now they don't actually need men. And gradually, we are finding that we in many cases, we don't particularly want them either.

CayrolBaaaskin · 01/12/2020 16:18

@TheYearOfSmallThings - agreed.

WildWindBlows · 01/12/2020 16:19

Probably because they've realised it's bloody brilliant. Many women are single by choice, and many are child free by choice. Monogamous relationships and children aren't for everyone.

JacobReesMogadishu · 01/12/2020 16:23

I’m not been funny but I don’t think you have the stable relationship you hoped for either.

Maybe the single women don’t want a stable relationship?

Cam2020 · 01/12/2020 16:23

Because there's not the same societal expectation that a woman's life involves: finding a man, marrying, spawning.

People get divorced.

People don't want to get married in the first place or prioritise other things, such as career or hobby etc.

People don't find the right person they want to spend their lives with.

Doesn't take that much imagination really.

PawsAndPhytoncides · 01/12/2020 16:25

@Crazyfrog999

PS I would never, ever entertain a married man. Plenty of them try it on with me at work and in the gym though. It's gross.
This.

40 and single. I have zero interest in someone else's husband. Zero. But if (some) wives knew just how frequently men make passes, especially at work they would be truly appalled.

In fact, being single means you see so much of the cheating - or attempted cheating - that it has put me off being in any relationship, let alone with someone already married. Men who seem like dedicated and loving husbands, showing a sleazy and unfaithful side, rather puts you off the whole lot.

Dazedandconfused10 · 01/12/2020 16:28

Well I'm single because no one wants to do date me Grin but even so I'm not one to break up a marriage and have no interest in dating someone with kids. So me being the OW is 99% likely not to happen.

Cam2020 · 01/12/2020 16:30

There seems to be a lot of hostility here. Which makes me think that there is women that have bee the ow and see this as an offensive post.

Never been an OW. Late 30s, been with DP since early 20s, 1 child, happy. I'm offended becasue what a woman chooses to do with her life is her own business and I'm bemused that there are still women who look upon marriage and motherhood as some sort of kudos and look down on anyone who hasn't 'achieved' that like they're some sad old maid and it's the 1950s!

Lampzade · 01/12/2020 16:34

@IJustWantSomeBees

This title was bait, you don't really want to discuss the increase in women choosing to stay single into their 30s and 40s, you want to temporarily relieve your resentment for your cheater husband by transferring blame for his actions onto single women for... existing?
I agree
EBearhug · 01/12/2020 16:36

Title - Why is there so many single women in their 30's/early 40's

OP - There seems to be so many, mainly childless women in their late 30s/early 40s. Just wondering why this could be.

Single and childless aren't synonyms. You can be single and have children. You can be in a relationship and be childless.

Quite a few developed nations have concerns about falling birth rates, because it turns out that when women can have careers, earn their own money and be financially independent use contraception and do on, many choose not to have children. For others, it just doesn't happen, and IVF or adoption may not work for them. Plus there are an awful lot of crap men out there, and if you don't find one of the decent ones, being single is preferable.

Harmarsuperstar · 01/12/2020 16:40

I'm single, have got kids, not interested at all in anyone else's disloyal, dishonest husband. I can definitely sympathise with women who'd rather have the sex and fun without having to wash his socks or clean up after him though 🤷‍♀️

BungleandGeorge · 01/12/2020 16:40

Is this real? I’m not sure why people presume that the ‘right’ and happiest way is to be part of a couple. I can tell you that If a man feels it’s acceptable to have an affair he’ll have one, whether that’s with another married person (which is quite common) or a single person. It doesn’t really matter. People don’t have affairs just because someone is flattering them, they’re doing what they want to do!

Thefirsttime · 01/12/2020 16:41

@Freshprincess12

There seems to be a lot of hostility here. Which makes me think that there is women that have bee the ow and see this as an offensive post.
Oh yes, that’s clearly it. We’ve all been the other woman and it’s entirely our fault that these dishonest untrustworthy men have affairs.

There’s a lot of hostility because you’re suggesting that married men having affairs is somehow the fault of the single women in their late 30s and early 40s rather than blaming the untrustworthy arseholes (like those you you and your friend are married to) for the affairs.

hilariousnamehere · 01/12/2020 16:45

Maybe they're single because they're making the choice not to marry men who cheat?

Though I think there's massive confirmation bias here OP - I'm sorry your husband and your friend's husband haven't been faithful, but I don't think you can just blame all single women in a certain age group Confused

CantBeAssed · 01/12/2020 16:47

With all due respect op if you had more self worth and left your cheat of a husband, you would then be in the group of women you hold so much resentment forConfused

lescalanques · 01/12/2020 16:47

I can only speak for myself but yes OP thats pretty much why I got involved with married man. Single, late 30s, hadn't met anyone for anything that lasted beyond a few months. Was lonely and missing sex, cuddles, someone who texts me daily. I met him on a dating app, felt a connection and am still involved with him 2 years later. He meets those needs and i guess i provide some excitement for him away from his settled family life. No delusions of it going anywhere, it's just a mutually beneficial arrangement. His marriage vows are his responsibility not mine.

nosswith · 01/12/2020 16:51

If the comments about manchilds (or is it manchildren?) and some of the awful behaviour that is described on MN are representative of many men, it's no wonder.

Bunkbedpeople · 01/12/2020 16:53

Personally that’s one of the great pleasures of being a physically attractive 30 something.

I take great pleasure in being a mistress of seduction of slightly shit frumpy married men.

Every Friday night, I put on my leopard skin furry coat, red lippie and high heels and go cruising to shag married Nige from accounts in a service station Travelodge.

We watch the round up of the papers afterwards and Nige has a Twix because his wife doesn’t let him eat in bed so he’s desperate.

It’s all I live for Hmm

NameChange84 · 01/12/2020 16:59

Wow. I’m incredibly insulted.

I wanted to marry and have children. It didn’t happen for me.

I’d never steal anyone’s husband or ruin a marriage or children’s childhoods. Just because I’m single and still want children it doesn’t make me some sort of desperate man stealer.

The majority of people I know who had affairs were both married or both in relationships.

I don’t need your warning. I have a conscience that tells me what is right and what is wrong.

EarthSight · 01/12/2020 17:03

I'm getting close to the age of your demographic. I've never been the other woman and don't plan to be. As well as being unethical, there is something degrading about it. How on earth can you trust a man that has lied to his wife, often the mother of his children for so long??? Who's had sex outside his marriage like that??

If a married man chased me I would think so much less of them. Some people are ruthless though and will do anything to get what they want.